Hitting a real low right now...

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Just me moaning, probably doesn't help that I'm having another insomniac phase...!

Wish I could stop struggling with daily life. It's not like I have a severe case or anything but yet I can't even seem to do half the things others can do in one day. For some reason, every meal takes two hours, every minute my mind feels like it's doing cartwheels through millions of different thoughts and even if I try to ignore it all it just doesn't stop and keeps interrupting everything... I can't sleep well most nights, this week being particularly bad, I get thrown off course completely when something unexpected happens in my day, I don't know how to translate emotions into facial expressions or even make my voice match the feelings... Every day is full of anxiety, frustration, tiredness and always sadness at some point... I hate my senses being over stimulated or stimulated in ways that are out of my control... I'm tired of being tired and sick of feeling sick...

Ugh I guess everyone here thinks I'm a whiner but with a late diagnosis etc. I think I need to rant about the problems I had unknown to myself for so long. I'm trying to accept my problems fully but for some reason it's hard... I don't want them, I want to throw them away. I hate being so slow at every single thing I do. I hate that my family all think I'm just "lazy" rather than even trying to understand that I genuinely struggle. I tried my best again today, as I always do, and all I got done was breakfast, a piano lesson and lunch.

How am I supposed to manage a job, rent, grocery shopping, and a personal life if I can't manage even one of those...? Have any of you gone through the same fears and what happened in the end?

My life was and still continues to be something of a car wreck, but... I am a lot better at many things now. There's a lot of room for improvement. A good start would be to try not to focus on being miserable because of your perceived failures, but to do your best to achieve small goals, and feel good about them. You can build from there. The energy you save from not beating yourself up will help.

May you be happy.

I'm not diagnosed, but I suspect highly that I have aspergers. I'm much the same.. My thoughts and obsessions can run wild in the course of a day. Sometimes its very hard just to get my clothes together so I can go out for some exercise.

No one here thinks you're a whiner, this is the Haven after all.


A thing to practice might be.. to make a list of the most important things to do and be sure to practice them as much as you can. Our brain retrieves information faster every time its used, so if a task is done enough it will get easier.


Also another thing to do short term (Although I hesitate to suggest) is to have coffee available. Drinking coffee, can increase the rate in which your brain processes information, its sometimes useful in concentrating and can help multitask. I'd only drink 1 cup a day tho (black) too much coffee can be very bad for you, but in moderation can actually be good.

I've been there too when it's just so hard to do anything. Everything is so frustrating and overwhelming. It sucks.
I guess you have to convince yourself that your situation can improve if you take things one at a time. Claim small victories. You got through today and thats a start. A piano lesson takes significant mental functioning so if you can do that consistently add something to your routine. I'd recommend exercise. Even walking for 20-30 minutes will improve your mood and quite possibly help you sleep. It helped me out of my lowest point. Things improved for me, but I'm still working towards managing the job, rent, etc. You can do it too, just one thing at a time, think tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for replies everyone, I think I'm dipping in and out of mild depression lately but I'm working hard at it. Occupational therapy has solved my sleep issues so that's a huge bonus, can't do anything if you've not slept! I'm also more at ease with the fact that I'm not interested in pubs and clubs and the hectic noisy gatherings that everyone else is into, because I'm old enough to deserve respect when I say "no". Within reason of course, I mean, there's the odd thing that we can't avoid going to! If the people in my life really are interested in remaining friends or whatever, they'll allow me the exceptions I need I guess.

I might just have been comparing myself with everyone else too much. I think that's when things get bad. I look at my family and the other people in my life and how little capacity I have for certain things than they do. I also worry that I'm letting my family down by not meeting their standards and by not being greatly successful yet (I keep forgetting I'm only 20! I'm the youngest after all...) and I'm constantly getting pangs of guilt from anything that's either different to how others seem to live, or anything that may cost my family money or effort. I've read a number of posts here about how others with AS seem to get the guilt problems too so I guess I'm not alone...

Also I'm getting nervous because my boyfriend is moving to England in a week or so and I'll still be in Ireland. He couldn't find any work at all here so he's emigrating like everyone else, and then my best friend, and only friend I spend time with frequently, is 90% certain that he's going to Scotland within the next year for similar reasons. I have a few people who I might call friends, but they don't really spend time alone with me much and I have tried so hard to make group situations work for me but they just don't and that's the way they all seem to like to hang out. Especially in pubs etc. It's lonely enough when you can't meet your best friend or even be with your boyfriend for a few hours because you're in/heading towards meltdown and need to recover, even if you want to be with them, let alone not having anyone to go spend time with because they're not the type to make exceptions for one person... Just unlucky in that area I suppose :-/ I'll stop ranting for now, guess this isn't really going anywhere!