Loneliness

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Does anybody else feel very lonely or, more importantly, felt very lonely and been able to do something about it to either change the situation or cope with it better?

I live on my own and don't have many friends. I would say I have 2 friends, one is not a close friend (i.e. somebody who I talk to about deep life things) and don't see very regularly, and one who I know because she works in the field of autism and I get on well with her and she has been extremely kind to me (this year has been very tough) and who I talk to about serious things but I feel that the relationship is not very reciprocal (it is just me who talks about my problems or who needs help) as I think a meaningful relationship should be. Besides that I have my family and people who come to help me because of their jobs and who I get on with, but it really is just their job.

Sorry if this is difficult to read but I'm mentally exhausted at the moment.

Yes. I have felt isolated, rejected, and very much alone my entire life. I am fifty years old now.

The past seven years I found some comfort in listening to audio files of the 20th century philosopher Alan Watts explaining eastern philosophies to western audiences. It gives me added perspective on existence and consciousness. I am still lonely, but don't worry about it nearly as much. I like listening to Alan Watts speak much better than reading his books. He is a blast to listen to if you're philosophically inclined.

Up until a month ago I thought I was coping better in social situations. I had been in a two-person band the past year and a half, but the last year not as much had been happening with it. When the other band member was blatantly rude to me a month ago, I finally realized that the band had actually died six or eight months before, but I am so clueless socially that I didn't recognize it until that night. A good thing that resulted is I started participating in WrongPlanet chat and forums! Also, since I had thought I was in a band, I practiced my music more than I might have otherwise, so I am at the top of my form now musically.

More people are becoming aware of autism and its issues. The internet is a great place to find people of similar interests and values. Perhaps you can also get more helpful advice from someone else here than what I can offer. I hope you find what you're looking for.

i have never had family or friends. i've been on my own since 10 or so. it has been very tough. i'm really old now and have been through some pretty weird stuff.

it gets easier as you get older. if you really want friends and are able to participate in life, then you have to work at it. if not, then it's a matter of acceptance. the one thing that saved me for many years were solo sports. running and cycling. intense workouts. cycling 1000 miles a month and running 100 miles a month. lots of climbing of buildings. average 500 steps a day. up to 1500 steps a day. kept me from killing myself. companion animals....dogs, cats, rabbits are wonderful for the soul. doing volunteer work at any cause is great for your self-esteem.

wish i could help you but can only say i send you my best.

as the poster above said, vigorous physical exercise does something to keep the barking dogs of depression at bay. i don't know if it is the sheer physical exhaustion from all that sweat, or if there is something changing about the brain chemistry, but the result is similar.
to the OP, you are fortunate to have at least one person who is face-to-face nice to you, on a regular basis. sometimes one does not appreciate what one has until it is gone.

Accepting myself as a loner is easy when I remember I work best alone anyway, but it has not been easy to accept the fact of "loner" also including occasional feelings of loneliness. Sometimes I wonder whether the overall problem stems from my not being willing to accept others into my little realm, but then I have learned few people are ever even interested anyway. So, I now just try to accept whatever friendship or fellowship others might actually at least attempt to offer without then falling into the trap (or a self-set snare) of again trying to do well within their worlds.

The meek shall inherit the earth.

Not only do I appreciate it a lot but I also let them know how much I value them on a regular basis.

Do you get lonelier during the holidays? I know my work closes down and I spend more time alone. I'm looking for ways to not be alone so much, but it's hard.

It's hard to say, this is the first Christmas I've been living here and living on my own. I've been feeling like this for a while, though. I think I crave one person who I can be physically and emotionally intimate with but I know meeting somebody like that isn't something you can plan and so I'm trying to think of ways to deal with my feelings.

I'm lonely most of the time. I have tried anything to stop feeling so lonely. I have dated and was in a long term relationship. I did have friends too. But everyone just hurt me in different ways. So I have no one now. I do live at home with my parents. I have no siblings either. I get more lonely especially around the holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Even when I had boyfriends, I hated Valentines Day.

I sympathize. I remember the day I turned lonely. I was nine. It hasn't really gone away since, though it waxes and wanes. Even if it's still present, I have learned to cope with it better. Simply accepting it for what it is helped to ease the suffering associated with it. Which I suppose is to say, I (mostly) stopped grasping for people and things to ease my loneliness, and just went about my life. As a result, these days the loneliness, though still there, is more of a gentle background hum. Sometimes it spikes, but if you don't cling to and indulge in the emotion, it passes. I have also come to learn that being around people makes me lonelier, so with this knowledge in mind, I can sort of brace myself before going out socially, or, if I'm already feeling lonely, I can refrain from going out and worsening the situation. I have also found that connecting with people here can help.

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering. I don't know if my words have been encouraging or helpful in any way, but I hope that you can find some solace here.

I am "a mind forever voyaging through strange seas of thought, alone."

Nice quote, that.

That is a nice quote.

Loneliness is the reason I often slip to depressed thoughts. I also sympathize.

I don't have the best of luck with it, either. One thing I've found that helps though, is that if you use facebook or social networking, temporarily de-activate your account(s) or something like that (even if it's just "taking a break" from it). Then, finding a hobby or two to really get into, and... meh, kind of just goes from there.

It could possibly be the medication I'm now on, but I've found that I have much better mood since I've disabled the opportunity to subconsciously compare myself to others, which is even more likely to happen with facebook and such. I've been pretty much isolated the past few weeks in college's winter break, at home, alone, and I haven't had much depression or loneliness lately.

For now, trying to stop one's mind from subconsciously comparing its social life to others' social lives and planning out how to make friends at a later point in time (for me, after said winter break) works well.
If the goal is to be with other people/friends, don't give up, but if it doesn't work out, find some way to cope for the moment. Which I'm still trying to figure out how to do so, but it differs for everyone.

The best fix is organized activities. If you can find something that you'd really enjoy taking part in, locally and that doesn't cost too much money, its a good start.