Randomly Sad

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Lately I've been becoming randomly sad over an issue I have accepted as a lifelong issue I'm going to have to deal with. I've never enjoyed and rarely am able to handle casual contact in comparison to the average person (maybe 1-3 times a month at the most is my guess ). I can handle initiating contact with people if I need to get their attention, but unless I'm expecting to be touched 100%, know where the hand is going, and like the person I freak out &/or have major random sensory issues. The problem became worse when I was a teenager and going through puberty (time of full blown panic attacks). I was hoping the problem would dissipate and fade of completely by the time or start to around the time I turned 20... but I still freeze up (more often), flinch or freak out. It's ****ing inconvenient, annoying and distressing 24/7 b/c I can't let my guard down. Sorry, I just needed to vent .

You do it more. You desensitize yourself to those moments.

That what I had to do. Now I have no issue being touched anywhere, no issue touching anyone in any way shape or form. You just need to defeat those impulses.

How the heck am I supposed to do that without involving other people and/or causing problems with people I know? Most/all my friends know about the problem and a good chunk at college have seen some of the symptoms... I'm trying to prevent them having to see me freak out again. I think I'd be able to desensitize myself if each kind of contact had a consistent reaction (Ex. Hugging = freeze up with everyone). But my reactions shift depending on the type of contact (tap vs. hugging, etc.) and the person (due to comfort level w/ them, body type/fat %, etc.). The lack of consistency is the main reason I cannot figure out a way to desensitize .

It's cool. At least you can stand affection at all. A lot of others never want to be touched, period.

It's, quite literally, just doing it more. It doesn't make sense to you now, but you'll get it when you try more.

Accept that you're freezing up a bit when you get hugged, no matter what the reason is. Then work it out in your head

Then work up the courage to lift your arms up and hug back, or start with a rub on the back or shoulder

Then do it more and more. It's fine TO freeze up, and it's fine that you ARE freezing up. The secret to it is working yourself up to becoming more comfortable with it. Take it step by step