I can't be myself.

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People always say you have to be yourself. I think that's part of my problem. Here's why:

I am rebellious. I am a free thinker, and not afraid to go against the grain. I have an offensive sense of humor, and am not afraid to let people know it. I am flippant and disrespectful towards authority. I am brutally honest and I speak my mind. I tend to disagree with people. I have a lot to offer. I am unique. I am an interesting person.

At least I used to be.

In high school, I was unrestrained, uninhibited. I was able to be myself. I made crude jokes, and people thought I was hilarious. I once told a girl she looked delicious; a few weeks later we met again and she started hitting on me.

Can't do that $hit anymore. I learned this the hard way when I flipped someone off at my college. I was told later I could have been expelled. Expelled for flipping someone off. WTF?

Yes, I'm in the adult world now. All the middle fingers, crude jokes, and sexual innuendos have to stay in my head. 'Cause it's dangerous. I could lose my job, get booted from school, or worse. So I have to water down everything I say and do, and pretend to be something that I'm not. I can't tell people what I really think or feel; I can't express my honest opinion. I have to be as nice and bland and innocuous as possible.

So here I am, three years later. I am a pushover who invariably agrees with everyone else. I am polite and restrained at all times. I am quiet, untalkative, uninteresting. I conform. I am not unique and don't stand out in any way. I have become a "nice guy". I don't want to be this way, but my environment has forced me to.

I wish I could be myself again. I feel like I'm in a cage. The old me that was once strong and proud and rebellious has now been beaten into submission. He is slowly dying, slowly fading away, being replaced by a boring automaton. I have let "them" win.

I want freedom. Freedom to express myself, and to be unique. Freedom that I have been denied for so long. FREEDOM!! !! !! !

I learned that you can get away with that stuff if you have the right group of friends, only do that stuff around them & don't document anything stupid such as drinking habits.

Even NT's have to conduct themselves in a certain manner when in public and social situations. It all comes down to finding when and where you can relax and let the real you out.

I think it's about finding the balance between the two extremes. I hate it when people say "oh, just be yourself" and then, when you do cut loose, say "you're so weird!"

Exactly. I think in places like work, you have to present a more watered-down version of "yourself". I'm still trying to figure it out myself

There's a difference between being yourself and being immature. Judging by your misogynist rantings I've seen from you, I'd say your problem is much more than latter.

Furthermore there's a big, big difference between being a "free-thinker" and being an immature jackass who only think about himself, everyone else be damned. Again, you're more the latter.

If you really were this awesome free spirit you claim to be, you wouldn't have been so easily suppressed be the "adult" world. What you've found out is that you're not that free spirit at all, but a child who needs to grow up. And no surprise, you no likey it and are in utter denial, acting like it's the world's fault and not yours. Wah wah wah.

The world doesn't revolve around you. Get used to it. Once you can accept that, maybe you can develop a real personality and genuine self-possession, maybe even develop into the free spirit you claim to be, and not just a puerile mosh of spiteful brattiness.

What misogynist rantings? Please link to some of them.

Dude, don't worry about it. She never has anything nice to say about anyone. If you were that bad, you wouldn't be able to post what you just did. At least you know you have to change.

I feel like im on the opposite side of the line on this one. As a child, I look back and I was very brash and impulsive. I would flip out at the slightest provocation (losing in friggin gym class was enough to set me off some times), and often have meltdowns for no reason at all. My behavior often singled me out for bullying and ridicule. As I started going through puberty, it only got worse as I started creeping out just about every girl in the class (I even went into "gift-buying" mode on a couple of them, with all the super bad connotations applying)

I went through a lengthy process of counseling and prozac to finally put a stop to that during high school. Now I don't do alot of the stupid crap I once did, and people don't consider me a creep that much anymore. But I know that, deep down, the monster is still lurking. I am not caged within my own mind, I am the jailer, and I am the last line of defense protecting society from myself. But, in the end, repressing that part of myself also represses whatever ability I had to take charge in any given situation. It feels like a classic Jekyll and Hyde situation for me.

Do yourself a favor and just tune out anyone who uses the word "misogynist". They're useless cretins who are out to hurt you.

The term "being yourself" means that you should depend your whole self on others judgments and actions. But in your case, you're more of a "rebel"....

I think you should pipe it down. Listen to others opinions and decide for yourself.

I think some people are so used to having "nice guy" arguments that they will apply the label of "misogynist" to anyone who happens to be unsuccessful with relationships. That's my main gripe with the Nice Guy stereotype. It's become an umbrella term that basically means "a guy who wants a girlfriend but doesn't have one". That's reverse-sexism if anything, and it's highly hypocritical. It reminds me of black people who insist that all white people are racist, then vote against gay marriage.

EDIT: Oh, yes, and apparently I'm a racist because I pointed out that (oh my gosh) some black people are racist or homophobic. Whodathunkit?

Last edited by LordoftheMonkeys on 17 Jan 2011, 5:15 am, edited 2 times in total.

I notice this thread has been moved to The Haven. I was thinking of putting it there myself, though it does have some relevance to relationships, so I ultimately decided to put it in the Love and Dating section. Maybe it fits better here, though.

I had to read this sentence five times before I understood what you were saying.

By any chance, are you a white middle-class Libertarian? Because that sentence sounds like something only a white middle-class Libertarian would say.

Lord of the monkies, I am with you. I think that you should be who you are and if people don't like it. Then it is their problem. It is their perception of reality that Is messed up and flawed. It is your time now. Something tells me that you are a powerful person. You are so strong I can feel you through the computer almost. With your power comes responsibility though. If this were a video game I would say Rebel only against the evil oppressors. every innocent should be treated with respect. Live life how you want to live it and help people along the way and if people don't understand you then it is their problem, not yours.

If I said "Gay people who are racist", then I know you wouldn't object to it. If I said "White people who are homophobic", you would not object to it. If I said "White people who insist that black people are racist", you would not object to it. But when I point out that there are some black people who are racist and/or homophobic (which there are) you throw a tantrum. Why?

I actually saw someone on one of these forums who said "I hate gay people who are racist", and no one thought of complaining. Why? Why is it okay to say $hit about gay people who are racist, but not black people who are homophobic?

No, I am not a redneck white trash Libertarian. I don't know what it is about my sentence that made you think that, because I am not making a statement about black people in general, in any way, shape, or form. I never said that ALL black people are racist or homophobic, or even that most of them are. Obviously, there are black people who are gay themselves, so I know this is not true.

Grow up and stop crying "racism" every time you see the words "black people". And stop using "white middle-class" as a synonym for "racist".

Also, I find it odd that it took you five reads to come up with a gut reaction like "Are you a white middle-class Libertarian?"

Last edited by LordoftheMonkeys on 17 Jan 2011, 4:40 am, edited 2 times in total.

haha. Nice Lord of the Monkies! Your words are powerful!