Yay, another depressed/lonely single male aspie thread!

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So, yeah, I'm not gonna let this turn into one of those all-too-common, "Oooh, nobody will EVER love me, I'll never find the right person" type threads, because I certainly believe it's possible--just difficult. Actually it might be easier if things were hopeless, because hopelessness kind of numbs the pain in a way--then you can wallow around in your overwhelming sadness, rather than just sitting on a fence with a leg on each side and a white picket poking your crotch rather painfully.

Basically...I really just don't know where to start. I'm extremely picky, and usually the girls I like only like me as a friend. Nobody I presently know in real life is a romantic option--the one person I do actually like like that isn't into -cough- boys. So, I'm starting college this fall but it's not the sort of college with a lot of...socialization. Plus, I'll be living at home because I know I wouldn't be able to stand dorm life. Plus, the sorts of girls I like aren't really common here--or anywhere really. I'll be blunt: I like girls who are a bit gawthier than my particular area has (it's pretty much all preps and gangstas here--with some exceptions of course) simply because I like some aspects of that style and I like the brutally honest cynicism that often comes with it. But even then it's quite narrowed down because most gothy girls just aren't particularly compassionate, and a lack of empathy is a DEAD turn off for me. (Some definately are sweet, though--I'm not making any judgements. Just...my observation. Heh.) I also like geeky girls--in that ones that are really into films, games, comics, etc. rather than the "dorky" type (which is very different)--but they're rare everywhere, and the rarest of ALL are the ones who fit into that mad sexy "geekgoth" variety.

Okay, labels are vain, I know, this is just what I've noticed based on what I find attractive. I actually really dislike it when girls completely and utterly fit into a single category--I mean "gawthy" and "geeky" as adjectives, rather than representative of the entire personality.

Then there's that whole compassionate bit again--I mean, there's plenty of NICE girls I know, but nice and compassionate aren't the same thing. Neither is intelligence and depth--intelligent being the more "booksmart" sort and "deep" being actually using one's brain for more than just school, thinking about deep things, etc. And then there's the eccentric bit. Basically, the three qualities I find most attractive are compassionate, deep, and eccentric/quirky/weird. Any of these three qualities seems to be quite difficult to find on their own, but damn near impossible to find all at once in a single individual, especially when you add the "geeky" and "gothy" qualities. Damn, man. Now, not everyone who I'm attracted to even comes close to fitting all this, so it's not criteria or anything, it's just that because the individual things I do find attractive are so rare on their own that it narrows down potential crushes to about 1 at a time, 2 if I'm lucky. (Or unlucky, depending on the situation/your point of view.)

What I'm getting at is that I have some major pickiness problems, or just a taste for traits that happen to be rare in my area--at least to my knowledge. And meanwhile, if even I do get to know someone in college through some non-diety-driven miracle, then even then there's the whole actual process of trying to start to see them outside of school, which for me is always damn near impossible for some reason no matter how hard I try. So, college isn't exactly a place I'm optimistic about, romance-wise.

So what's left? The internet? Hm. I don't like using it for anything beyond friendship. Singles, dating, etc. tend to be bad news on the web IMO because you miss out on a lot of who someone is, and online relationships simply don't work. So, just using it as a way to meet people and then meet them in real life? Easier said than done. I've had online friends who lived near me, but did they ever want to meet? Generally not really. It was too creepy for some reason. Speaking of which, it's not as if friends can introduce me to people because I don't really have any real-life friends at this point. Which, you know, is a whole 'nother problem, not to mention a rather pitiful reminder that if I can't even successfully make true friends how am I gonna land a relationship, eh?

So, despite all this, I'm not completely hopeless, I'm just really cynical about it...hah. I mean, I just think it's gonna be really difficult for me to find someone I'm looking for--that's like half the battle. (And it's the easier half, really!) And it's really quite depressing because I just love the idea of being in a romantic relationship, you know? Socially awkward or not, we all need some human connection. So...do any of you have some suggestions about this? Can y'all relate to it?

That sounds very similar to my own thoughts on this subject.

I wish you well, and as I voted in this thread, there is hope!

Doh! I wrote up a lengthy response, but it got erased since I accidently hit the key combination to reload the page. Here is a new lengthy response, but much different in content.

Anyway, some advice:

Be friendly to everyone, even if they seem completely incompatible. In order to have anything meaningful in a relationship, the person will need to be your friend first. Also, as an aspie it is definitely harder to find and make friends. If you concentrate on expanding your circle of contacts rather than the pursuit of a single relationship, any activity you take with the group is likely to introduce you to new people, and you may even find interest in people within your group that you didn't expect.

This can be done through the various clubs on campus. I would strongly recommend you look toward religious groups. Even if you may disagree with them, they do tend to be very accepting people (with some prerequisites in regards to attitude and appearance, but nothing too major)

A lot of what you mention appears from being too picky... I know in my case I really cannot aford to do so. I go to a tech college, meaning that an overwhelming majority of the students are male... making even getting to the "friends" level with a female is a very rare thing. I have a few female friends there, and I feel very fortunate to have them, even if dating them is likely not even an option.

your to damn picky mate.. go out with a geeky girl, though i do personally consider geeky girls to be the best type

Yeah, I try doing this. I actually had another haven thread about difficulty making friends, heh. Thanks though.




I'm an atheist. While I'm not intollerant of religion, I dislike being around religious people doing religious things. I may go for some more secular clubs though--thanks for the idea.



Yeah, well for me it's like...I can't control how picky I am about anything, be it food or people, and if we're talking relationships then it's not like I can just "suffer in silence" about the fact that I'm not attracted to someone because if you don't like someone what's the point in having a relationship with them? That situation is perhaps even more lonely than being single... >.<

DUUUUDES! Blank posts! o.O Quoted for agreement, or just for random quoting fun?