This is it, I'm doomed

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I can't socialize. There just is no way. I've gone so far into anti-socialism that I can't even learn how to be. Also no one will help me, tell me whats right or wrong in a social situation. I have to figure it out all on my own.

My mum or dad can't help me socialize, as there is a complete social transformation of kids between our generations. No one I know my age could help me either, and I wouldn't want to ask.

This is ridiculous, I don't try to socialize, because I don't want to and don't know how to, but at the same time I do want to! I can't "keep trying" because I don't try, I don't know how to try.

I prefer my own company because I can do what I want, but I also get so, so lonely. "You're only 17" isn't good enough; I will surely stay like this for the rest of my life. How can I learn these skills later if I already have nothing in them now?? I should have learned them by now. I've completely messed up the future.

What's the point of being positive (and about what??) if I know that this how my life will always be, always stuck halfway between wanting to socialize, not knowing how, and not wanting to socialize?!

I'm not depressed as such (anymore) due to my medication, buts its this social impossibility (its beyond "just a difficulty") that drives me absolutely insane and will kill me in the end!! ! What do I do??! !

You're not doomed. What you're going through is completely normal and is the result of simply not knowing how to socialise, and being frustrated about that. This is completely reasonable because no one can expect you to learn these things without help, just like you can't learn a language without the proper information.

You're right, you're doomed. As long as you give up hope, you have no hope. What now?




Keep in mind that 17 years is hardly an accurate litmus test for an 80+ year potential life span. You've barely begun and you're already dooming yourself to eternal failure. Really?

There are a number of books out there about socializing. But the best thing is to find a cousin or same age church person or volunteer (someone who you see is always kind) and ask them to be a social coach. I know. You can't ask. Well, that's something you just have to get over.
You might have to join a hundred volunteer organizations to find the one person who can and will help you. In the meantime, you will be doing a lot of good.

Thanks peoples. There are good things in my life, and I feel bad posting a lot of negative stuff when some things aren't all that bad . But this is the biggest problem in my life, and I'm just so lost...

I don't know how things work in the UK..... you're there, right? But I used to have a group teens I'd help learn the tricks of socializing...all Aspies of HFA....and it was a lot of fun. We worked on life skills and peer pressure and etc......

maybe there is some kind of group in your area...... it's always good to take small steps. A group situation with others that are socially impaired will help you to feel less awkward and a therapist can help you to learn body language, social cues and what's appropriate.

Most of the kids I had did really well.

Alright, here's the thing. I went through what you did. I hated people, although you may not hate people. I was always very awkward. You couldn't talk to me without me saying something stupid that would be horribly humiliating or even impossible for most people to say. It was awful, and after a point, I started thinking that there's no way I could fit in to society. That there was no way me and my peers could possibly get along. I did alright with adults since they tolerated me more, which was godsend, as I did eventually learn to socialize just enough to start doing it with my peers, but it was still really difficult.

For the longest time, I cooped up in my computer room and played games all day long. All. Day. Long. I would go to school, zone out, avoid people, go home, and play games. With nobody. I would do things by myself. And one year I became depressed. Horribly depressed. I took medication for it, and it gave me a bit of a boost. I started talking with people, and my skills in socializing developed enormously. I learned most of my fears were exaggerated to the point where they were only as awful as I made them out to be. Many were friendly. Many were fun to hang out with and talk to. Many were funny, and I even developed a bit of an attraction to a couple of people along the way.

Now, I'm very sociable. I know what's okay to say, what's not okay to say, how to make people like me, how to stand up tall and hold my shoulders up. How to look up while walking instead of looking down. How to take frightening situations and "make them your b*tch" so to speak. In essence, I turned from an anti-social introvert, to a very confident extrovert.

And the biggest thing about this is confidence. The more you keep telling yourself that it's pointless, the more it'll be pointless. And you seem to want to not do anything and continue to suffer more than you want to socialize.

So I guess the biggest thing is, that you don't want it enough right now. Because if you wanted it enough, you'd do everything within your power to get it. There's people who are in enormously horrible situations that work themselves up from the bottom to succeed in life, and they realize that they want to do that once they've hit the bottom.

Nothing's out of your reach, not a single thing. Not knowing how to socialize is no reason to not try to socialize. As a comparison, wanting to play cards and then not doing it because you don't know how to doesn't mean that, since you don't know it right off the bat, you should never try. It means you get out there, you look up methods of playing cards, and you play some dang cards. Then you've achieved your goal.

It'll take longer with socializing, obviously. But it's the same premise. Just... do it. That's all there is to it. Just do it.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

Keep at it Simonono, I was a social idiot until well into my late 20's (some might say I still am).