Paranioa - self doubt - dissilusioned with the NT community.

Post Reply New Topic

Recently I have been suffering severe self doubt about myself, about the way I look, about what people actually think of me really - after someone made a comment to me about me not ever recognising sarcasm or when any one is teasing me. It made me realise how autistic I might actually be and made me question the world as I used to see it and has left me rather paranoid.

After many many panic attacks, I was told to break the routine after a talk with a psychologist who told me I needed to get out and relax and maybe see some friends. So I decided to take his advice and went out to a Local pub in London this weekend. Even though my friends weren't with me I knew a few people like the bar staff and after a few drinks I met people to chat to.

Then, after a couple of drinks and feeling confident I found myself chatting with some really friendly guys and we were bantering about what they did for a living and I said I wanted to guess....So I was like rock band? musicians? barmen? then they gave me a clue and said they get stuff thrown at them - I said they must be in a band - they burst into laughter- then they said they get s**t thrown at them - so I asked if they worked in a zoo with animals? They said ' you could call them that' they were literally falling around laughing at this stage.

I said I couldn't guess. Then they told me they worked with people on the autistic spectrum.

Whilst I have no doubt they didn't notice that I have Aspergers -I then made sure I did mention that my son has Aspergers, They looked rather sheepish and left in a hurry. I feel really really REALLY upset that people who care for these people obviously have no respect for them , and I am really losing my trust in the world. If these four guys are representitive the workforce caring for people with Autism I am utterly horrified.


I feel so sad. So very very sad.

Is there anyone here a pschologist? I kind of want assurances that those guys aren't reflective of the way most people are in the autism caring community or psychiatric units. It's making me really scared that if I need to go in to psychiatric care at somestage am I going to be thought of and laughed about and thought of as an animal in a zoo . I think I would rather die than know that someone is going to treat me or talk about me that way .

I've been crying all day. I don't know what to do. I feel so dissilusioned with life. Is there such a thing as a nice person? I know I am one but surely there are more ? I really have a problem with integrity now. My family put up with me but I am not sure they actually like me. My son finds me annoying I know that much. Men & women find me attractive me to look at but where is the integrity? Where are the relationships?

Sorry for the rant I just feel so damn sad
Am I just being paranoid?

My guess is they thought they were being funny, but were lying as to what they really do.

I've lost faith in the NT world a long time ago. Most people want to get rid of us. They think with their small minds that all people on the spectrum are parasites, and they open their wallets for Autism Speaks.

No - they were defo carers. I am sure of it. I don't think they were taking the piss out of me. At least I hope not. I am a pretty girl and don't have problems pulling guys even with the self doubt- Infact they talk to me regularly. I used to be a model.

I said they must be in a shite band. I asked if they had to medicate in their jobs - They said they sometimes have to medicate but they aren't doctors. That's when I asked if they worked with animals.


and when I mentioned that my son has Aspergers one of the guys went red and sheepish and said that Aspergers is far away from the people that the people that they have to deal with they are at the other end of the spectrum and can't communicate at all.


At least I hope that's what they meant and they weren't just taking the piss out of me. I know I don't recognise sarcasm that well but I am sure they wouldn't have known what aspergers was unless they worked in that field.

I've been to this heavy metal bar many times and I can honestly say that most people in there wouldn't know what someone with autism was like let alone someone with Aspergers.

But maybe I am wrong maybe they were taking the piss- but I seriously doubt it considering...

now I am a little paranoid ......

I don't think they were lying to make fun of you. I think they were lying because they thought you would think it was funny too, much to their surprise when you informed them of your Aspie child.

Have you ever met anyone on the spectrum who throws their feces at anyone? Me either. That's why I think they were making a bad joke that bit them in the arse.

I feel disillusioned from society in general, and know how you feel, a part of me just wants to stay reclusive. Hell I,ve probably had paranoia since the 4th grade

I think the notion of them making an elaborate joke at your expense is giving them too much credit. They sound like witless dullards who were trying to impress you and failed spectacularly.

In my experience, no - my little brother, who has cerebral palsy as well as being on the spectrum, is in a home and is well looked after. I know that doctors and nurses, as well as soldiers and police officers and anyone who deals with the horrors of life at close quarters often have a dark, 'gallows' sense of humour to get through the day. But that should be between themselves and not shared with members of the public.



It probably happens, I've never met anyone who did it but I remember on a TV documentary about Autism a boy defecated whilst in a classroom and picked up his faeces.

I think your right. Just because they are making light of it does not necessarily mean they are bad with their patients, although on the balance you'd guess they are not the most compassionate of individuals.
A job caring for people with mental disabilities is right at the bottom of the pecking order unfortunately and no doubt stressful and difficult, and is often the last job someone would take.
And I have heard of some people with ASD doing interesting stuff with faeces http://www.linds.net/contrasts.html and I also actually know a NV Autistic kid who can spit 3-4 metres with incredible accuracy (aims for the eyes) and spits at everyone. It's just a form of communication really.

Ok, thanks guys. Maybe it was their humour and I was just unlucky that the confidence boost I so desperately needed on a night out ended up being with someone ridiculing autism and making me feel incredibly worse.

It kinda makes me want to go in to the caring community myself and work just to see what happens. An aspergian whistleblower as it were. I know I probably naive in thinking people who sign a Data Protection act thingy actually stick to that whole absolute privacy thing.....but I know I would.

It makes me feel that I couldn't trust an NT psych / carer - I wonder if there are psychs/ carers who are on the spectrum - maybe neuro psyches I could trust. I dunno -I was considering getting CBT but I fear that maybe I could not be completely honest with them about things for fear of them laughing at me.

Thank God for wrong Planet. I don't know what I'd do without this place. Where all my quirks and weirdness can happen and I can actually be honest without feeling like a fool.

,,,,,Sorry I meant to write 'Thanks Alex Plank for wrongplanet'

God has nothing to do with it lol.