I hate causing problems for others

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Ever sense I was very little my family & others in my life have told me that I was bad, selfish & incapable of caring or thinking about anyone but myself. I used to think that people were wrong about me & that I was being misjudged but looking back I realize why they said those things. I really do care but despite my best intentions I constantly cause problems for others. I am a huge burden to my family & the American tax payer because I'm not independent like I should be. When I try to take a more active approach I've always made things worse. I have very few friends because I annoy people & I end up hurting em by trying to be helpful & friendly. I want the world to be a better place because of my existence but no matter what I do I make things worse. Even by doing nothing I am hurting others. I am Darwin's weakest link; I am NOT meant to exist. I cant help thinking that if I really was this caring selfless person that I'd like to think I was; I would of done the world a favor & killed myself a long time ago because my continuing existence is only making things worse for others. I know that will hurt my family but in the long run they would be a lot better off. I feel like I must be some kind of horrible monster because I keep hoping I can redeem myself & make things better in the end but I just make things worse for people I care about who I would rather die than hurt & no matter what I do I end up causing problems & hurting em. I really do NOT want to kill myself but I feel like I must be an extremely selfish person because I haven't

I feel like that so I avoid them so I don't have such a negative impact. It's like they misunderstand what I say because they read between the lines incorrectly but they don't realise they misunderstand.

I learned to avoid people at an early age but I still have to interact with people sometimes. I'm incapable of being a true hermit because I am completely incapable of surviving on my own

It's tough being accused of being selfish when you didn't really mean it. I'm often told I'm selfish, especially by my family. I know I'm selfish sometimes and I try hard not to be, but it can be tough when you're not sure what other people are feeling, wanting etc, and this is harder for us. I also feel like I should have already killed myself a long time ago. It'd have spared myself and others a lot of suffering. I don't really want to kill myself, though.

When I get into a dark mood because of these things I like to remind myself that I'm definitely a better person now than I used to be and that people are also changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, just like myself. This helps keep me grounded.