coping with being deficient

Post Reply New Topic

Im really despairing at being so deficient and inadequate. Its like there are huge bits missing that are really important to function in life.

I make people so full of rage and hate but have no intention of doing so and seem unable to not make them. I try so hard to make people happy but they get furious insted.

I dont have what it takes to maintain friendships and I ruin relationships. Im just so annoying and inadequate.

Its very sad to think how many more things Im going to screw up and ruin and how alone I shall always be.

I need to cope better with being deficient and not want to be any good. Its sad to hunger after a life one will never have.

I have the same problem. I avoid people and seek out somebody to teach me how to do things better, but haven't found anybody yet. The problem might be social cues, and Theory of Mind, and so on.

For example, we have 1.5 seconds to recognize somebody and acknowledge them - otherwise they think we snubbed them. That's easy for NTs, difficult for Asperger's, and impossible for people with face-blindness like me. And the rage is wild! I saw it when my boss didn't recognize a co-worker at a baseball game - he looked straight at her face for a few seconds, then looked away. She was beside herself with anger - I think she's thinking of quitting. And yet, he did exactly what I do - try to figure out if I know somebody and guess wrong.

It's hard for an adult to get a teacher for social cues - although I don't know why we shouldn't just learn in the same class as the small children - it's the same thing to learn. Anyway - people have suggested acting classes and Toastmasters. They are possibles but I haven't tried them yet. I was very impressed by how "mainstream" my brother became with Toastmasters - it's optional, he's not mainstream unless he thinks the occasion calls for it. But he learned the mannerisms of one who "belongs" - it might be worth a shot.

Personally, I've decided that "mental health groups" are not for me - I don't have a mental health problem, I have a social cues problem; I'm not likely to learn good social cue response from those groups.

All the very best of good luck to you - don't give up - no effort is wasted.

Don't be so hard on yourself--it is likely that you are trying too hard.

You might just say "hi," instead of doing the impossible--remembering someone's name and saying it with good diction and timing. And, if you screw up--consider the option of pretending you didn't make a mistake, particularly if it seems like the other person didn't notice. When you are learning social cues and interaction, err on the side of doing too little rather than too much. Learn to ask good questions that keep the NT occupied with talking. It is much harder to put your foot in your mouth if it is closed most of the time. There is a lot to learn--so just do a little at a time.

One of the toughest realities is that how you dress does make a difference--it shouldn't, but it does.

I'm no expert on this. My opinion is all I can offer. But maybe you should stop trying to make others happy and concentrate on yourself. Try and figure out what makes you happy and who you really are. I'm sure you can find some really great qualities in yourself. I strongly believe that once you learn to love yourself others will follow and not the other way around.
I only have a few good friends but I know that they like me for who I am and not for who I'm trying to be. I may be unable to offer some of the things one could expect of a friend. Like I'm not good at partying, I hate clubbing and I can be really annoying too. But my friends know that I'm very loyal, always honest and ready to help. They value that.
Maybe you should try to accept that there's always gonna be someone who won't like you or even hate you. I've met people who hated me for no reason at all. But I think we should all try to ignore people like that. It's their loss not ours.

I think me and the world have a mutual dislike of one another.

I think the answer is to be alone. I cant get on with friends or family or lovers, we always make each other miserable.

When Im not around people I dont feel my inadequacies I can just get on with doing what I like. Its always such a strain being round people.

I wish I could escape it all. At least the one good thing about life is that it always comes to an end and one just needs to be patient.

It's not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that
It's not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky
But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important Like a mountain, or tall like a tree
When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why Wonder,
I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful And I think it's what I want to be

You may call me a weirdo but is there a chance there is a cloud of dark energy attached to you?

quite likely.

There are ways you can cleanse it and make it leave.. I'm not actually sure it might need some research. But what you're describing sounds like what negative energy would do to someone it's attached to.

You are a pleasant person, but those other folks have dis-pleasant expectations.

could you suggest where to research?

no I dont think Im pleasant, I think actually Im so obnoxious that even when Im trying to be nice, it is still quite nasty.

For what its worth

You've been a good friend to me. Your still a good friend now. I can't see any reason why thats going to change in the future.

Maybe I should have said you always seem pleasant to me.

Ive been told that "if people knew you better, they wouldnt like you".

I expect I just need to be a bit more resilient to criticism.

The world seems to say some of us just need to grown some "thicker skin" ...

... and then they proceed to rub it raw for us and expect us to later thank them for our callouses.

What to do ...