I had SEX!! !! !! Yoohoo! (my gf's pics included)

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The title is a trap! ;P

My story isn't unusual ( I think - didn't browse enough here) but I think that my case is pretty rare.

First, I don't feel depressed, or melancholic , or anything else ...maybe I am just feeling 'emptiness', big emptiness.

I am actually 28 years old, male , living in a third world country that had endured wars not so long ago.

I have a not bad job and progressing pretty well in career , but that's not the issue...

During childhood, I was always the most introvert child, shy and don't socialize much. I was also the shortest kid and this didn't help at all , I am now 5'3.

I was raised by hyper helicopter parents , especially mom who was very overprotective :-/. I didn't even learn some basic skills that most kids know which help in socializing like Swimming , biking , soccer ... and other stuff. My parents didn't know how to do them so I ended up not knowing how to do them ..but well in our days those skills are necessary more than parents' time I guess.

I had few friends during school but all of them moved to elsewhere, so I ended up with no friends, no gf , no social life at all , especially during summers, I recall very well that wen I was kid , I passed most summers days at home , sometimes about 10 to 20 days in a row without going out of house - passing my times doing solitary activities , I was barely phoned.

You know what? after typing this small previous paragraph I just realized that my parents are good people but were horrible parents, how could they didn't notice anything wrong??! They didn't even ask me what's wrong , not even once.
Seriously, wtf was wrong with my parents' parenting? what kind of parenting strategy it was?

If I had a child and If this child didn't go out during 10 days I would realize that there's something very wrong in his/her life , it's f**** common sense, I would try to ask him/her questions like :" Don't you have friends?" , "Why no one of your school buddies is calling you ?" , "Don't you want to do some outdoor activities?" ...etc . In other term, I would try to find out what's wrong and try to aid him/her to change things, my parents never tried this.

I would definitely teach him/her or let someone else teach the mainstream activities that 99% of other kids do , such as swimming and biking!!

On a scale of 0 to 10 , I would give my parents a score of 3 in parenting , and maybe I am being biased and generous here , I believe that parenting is 30% nurturing/caring/protecting/feeding/schooling and 70% is teaching him/her how to FLY in life, especially in social life.


Today, my whole life is about going to work and then back to home.

My cellphone's units are always being accumulated from month to another, rare the people (except family) who call me and most of time those people needs some help in some homework or something.(like in the college 'days, always been the helper).

90% of Weekends are passed at home , I sometime hang out with brother and his friends.

I am a virgin , physically and emotionally. Never liked or kissed by a girl and never had any relationship with a girl , only been once in a silly platonic relationship. (my country isn't that conservative btw, you find bfs/gfs everywhere around)


I suspected that I might have Asperger's syndrome, been a member of wrongplanet forum , and I used this label for about ...3 years because I related too much with the symptoms' description and scored positive in related online 'tests'. It gave me some identity.
I dropped this label lately because now I believe it's lame, I think that most those DSM labels are lame and especially Asperger which is totally not proved scientifically and even been removed from the last DSM. Sorry If I offended anyone.

I think my problem isn't some mental mysterious disease. It's my personality , my environment , my parents and my physical attributes that shaped my life.

I feel like i am stuck in a cycle, and don't know how to even break an inch of it.

Hi there.

No, you haven't offended...well, you haven't offended me, I won't speak for anyone else.

It can be very difficult to separate biology from environment. Maybe your parents saw (or thought they saw) tendencies in you that led them to believe that they had to shelter and protect you from everything. No, I'm not making excuses for them--just trying to give a possible explanation.

At any rate, dwelling on the past won't help matters now.

Whether you do or do not have AS is not the most important thing now, either. What does matter is that you get some kind of help for your current problems.

I don't know what country you live in so I don't know if counseling services are available anywhere, but that is what you probably need. You need help in learning how to break out of the cycle you are in. I can't even try to give that kind of advice over this forum (not only that, I'm not professionally qualified to do so, period).

The only other thing I could suggest is finding an activity that interests you and immersing yourself in it. Again, I don't know how feasible this is due to where you live.

If you want to PM me about anything that you'd prefer to keep more private, please do so. If all I can offer is sympathy, you've got it, for however much that may help.

Take care. I hope you will write.

^

What can I say? thanks
Yea, I do need an outdoor interests.

Your story sounds eerily similar to mine, that empty feeling and upbringing. My mom accepted most of my quirks and let me be, my dad on the otherhand was different. He use to think that I would automatically snap right out of it or that I was just being stubborn. My sisters were the opposite, very outgoing going through many friends and boyfriends. No one ever addresssed the issue as to why I wasn't dating or why I didn't have any friends except my therapists....pfft. Unlike you my dad and everyone else except my mother really did try and get me to be outgoing. In some ways I think it helped, It challenged me to get out of my comfort zone and learn certain things I would never have been taught if I had been on my own. On the otherhand, if I was force to do something I couldn't do, I faced a lot of judgement and ridicule. My dad could get pretty mean and obviously there were some things I just couldn't change about myself.

As for the rest, I have to agree with conundrum on your issues, don't dwell on the past or let it dictate who you are today. I've done that many times and it really does affect your outlook in life. In fact, I've had to take cognitive therapy because of it. There's a good book out but it's pretty old called Feeling Good by David Burns, it helps challenge some of the old negative perceptions you may have on yourself and others. You might want to read some of it online or look up cogntive therapy and see if there are sessions in your area. You might find that you have more in common with some people than you thought. It's opened many doors for me but it's something you have to work on.

Other than that, I don't know what else you could do. I've had to get myself out in order to find what makes me happy or where my strengths lie. It isn't easy at all especially if you have...nevermind But once I get my ass out there, it's like having a light bulb go out.

booooooooo

poor Boo

I dont think it matters what causes ones symptoms (parenting or neurology or diet or whatever) as we are how we are and what we have to do is make the best of the position we are in now.

We will all die at some point and its not in our control so its best to try and make life as pleasant as you can before you die so at least you have got something out of life.

So try to think about what things you enjoy and add more in to your life (such as watching dvds you like or listening to music) , try and focus on the good things and distract yourself form the crap things. Try to cut out things you dont like which you can cut out (such as bad friends or relatives or chores), try to make steps toward goals which would make you more happy (such as living on your own for example).

btw do you live in Lebanon?

Hi FOB,

Nup not offended haha. Aspergers is a real disorder, not a label, you may or may not have it, but I agree that it doesn't seem to be the only cause of your problems here. This is probably a good thing, because if you tackle these other issues (and aren't AS, or at least aren't strongly AS) you'll have a much better chance.

My suggestion is that it's never too late; why not try joining a local social sport team. Generally in all countries they have teams for people at all different skill levels, and you having no ability would not necessarily mean you get laughed at because there could be other people there who are good at sports, but just had never done that particular sport yet. It's also a good way to meet people and make friends.

I can tell you a little of my background; I really had it all, supportive parents who really pushed me (I mean really, even before I was diagnosed at age 12 they were intensively training me socially in things like eye contact, asking people over to play, etc because they could tell something was wrong) to make friends, stereotypically attractive appearance for a female, wealthy background, went to good schools, learned many sports and cultural activities (and ended up massively into singing), etc etc.

Yet despite all this, I was an abject failure at school (not academically, I always did average-above average in that area). I was severely bullied, and even when switched to different schools the bullying continued with new bullies taking the place of the old ones. I rarely ever had a friend, and the ones I did make didn't last. I spent nearly all my weeknights and weekends at home alone except when my parents took me places or we had family friends over for dinner, or my brother had friends over.

Things are different for me these days, now that the social skills training has sunk in, and I have researched social skills and body language books etc myself, but I digress. I think a good start is joining a local sport team and going from there, and then if you still have problems despite that, looking into AS therapy type alternatives.

If it's any consolation, if you are AS, you probably would have gone through the same kind of childhood no matter how fortunate your circumstances were. 95% of us here tell the same sort of story and we vary wildly in the sort of parenting we received, where we grew up, etc.

bump

Where's the photies of your girly-wurly?

I lived only with my mother for most of my childhood. I had friends through school as I was a mimicker from early on but we were a benefit funded (:oops: Hate that fact) single parent family so I never got taught anything socially or sports wise and never really got to go swimming or learn to ride a bike (I was bought one by my Grandma once and it was broken by my sister and a friend soon after getting it and we could never afford another). Once I got to high school it was a little different though - I had no friends and wasn't questioned as to why not, I was left alone inside. It was the opposite at my Dad's when I lived there for a year, he made me go out when I didn't know anyone but didn't tell me how to meet people - when I was there I ended up reading a book on a swing alot of the time.
I did have a social life at the end of school and for the years after, initially through local kids (long story how I became friends with them), then colleagues at work. Now my friends are dwindling as my work is small so not many new people and I have no avenues or skills to find more. I rarely get calls and have to work pretty hard to maintain the slight 'friendships' (only just getting comfortable using that label) I have, if I'm not working, I'm likely to be home. When I discovered Asperger's I also thought that my mother could have it, which may be why she wouldn't have thought it odd behaviour from me. I believe many others have it run in the family...

It doesn't matter how you get where you are (although it can piss you off), if you're not happy you need to find a way forward. If what you're doing isn't working, try a different approach. I've just joined a friendship and activity group (yet to go to anything though) which will hopefully expand my horizon's. You may not have that in Beirut but there must be something you can take part in, it's hard to find if you're depressed though (not sure if you are, I'm just saying incase) so if you are, get help with that too.

I am very dissapointed.

I don't know how to swim either, I am too afraid to teach myself but ive been swimming plenty of times.

Also, I wanted to see your gf