Feeling dependent on her and want to end this

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I have known this girl for over a year. I feel dependent on her. Everything I draw or write, I feel like I need her approval. Even when I do, it seems like what she says is false (I show her a drawing, she says "oh, that's so cool" even though it is simply mediocre). Still, I can talk to her in a way I can't with most people.

During a brief time slot when our class went to look at the science fair, I went and hid in the bathroom so I wouldn't be tempted to fall into that trap of dependence. I thought about how I felt about her (I actually have a crush on her) and how I just wanted it all to stop. Later, she brought puppets for some English class presentation (she filmed it and was done, so there was no need to bring the puppets). I took one (I wanted to rip it) from her and she asked I give it back. I held it away and she made a face saying, "Come on, (name), give it back." Had it been from anyone else, I wouldn't have cared. Considering it was from my close friend, it brought back thoughts of being told what to do, how to behave and feeling inferior simply from being corrected on behavioral mistakes. At that moment I really wanted to rip it. It would have symbolized me ending it on my own and not caring what she thought anymore. In the end, though I gave it back to her because I couldn't stand the expression on her face. I can't stand this feeling of dependence, that I need her approval, which I feel isn't even true. I wish I could just break it off but I like her too much and -- oh, I can't talk about it anymore. Any advice, please?

Err, no one read this....

I read it. I think it's just hard to give you any advice (for me anyway) because of the age gap for one thing.
You are very young. All of this is going to change for you at some point. It may seem condescending when I tell you that this girl and these feelings are pretty normal. I don;t mean it to sound condescending. But when you're that age everything is the end of the world. The intensity is mind blowing. You are going to go through these feeling again and again. The highs, the lows......

Don't be dependent on her. Even if you feel like she owns your soul..... Keep control. Just like you did this last time.

If you want to end the friendship, then do it, but it sounds like you'll miss her in the end.

How is it going today with her?

Thanks Hyperbole.

Yes, at this age, everything is the end of the world. Facial expressions, a bad occurrence which happens to ruin my entire day, the list goes on.

She doesn't intentionally try to do this to me, but sometimes I feel that way.

As for today, I fell into temptation of following her around, although at lunch I decided to sit with someone else. I don't want to end the friendship because I like her too much.

I needed some mature advice. Hehe...

Don't know how good I am at that. maturity isn't my strong suite.

Glad it's a little better.

You need to make more friends.

Common advice. Horray (sarcastically)!

Making friends isn't exactly my strong suit....

Even if it's not your strong suit, he's right.

People develop stronger attachments to people, often times just due to how few people they know. In a way, you have a lot of excess social energy you want to expend, but don't know how to, and therefore can't.

I'll give you a simple example. My girlfriend started college last September, and it was brutal for her at first since all of her friends had moved to a different college . She talked to me a lot until she made new friends, and then redirected that energy towards them. It's not that she found me less important after she made her new friends, or more important when she had lost them, but that she had so many things she wanted to say, and such a desire to socialize, that she had to let it out.

Even if it's not your strong suit, all you have to do is practice. I have AS, although my psychologist states that i wouldn't meet the criteria at all if it weren't for a tendency to obsess and have special interests. Even if it's more difficult, that just means it's another opportunity to build yourself up to be stronger, and have something to prove to people, if not show to yourself, when you do have a good amount of friends.

Don't ignore this girl, but redirect your energy and a need for approval to other people and you'll end up just fine.

Oh and try not to crush on people. I can't say for sure, but it really sounds like you don't know how to give the subtle cues to show interest in another person. Which is fine, and understandable, but I want, as do many people here, to see you happy and live a good life in high school. Find something else to do. You'll be much happier.