Just started cutting

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The last few days I have started cutting, it came about when I decided I wanted to kill myself the only thing i could find was a blunt piece of glass, [moving forward slightly] now I am using blunt glass or knife to cut myself on the wrists, just deep enough to draw blood or to actualy see it, dont think they are deep enough to cause scaring, although i have been picking at some scabs so maybe.

I am just scared if somebody notices them, as I rarely have any privacy and I never wear anythiong with long sleeves. So have been very careful not to cut deep but to cause multiple "scratches" so they heal up before people notice.

Apart from talking to people etc etc. does anybody know away of cutting but with something blunt but also draws blood/stings just as good.

I was talking to somebody from yahoo answers. I never thought of my depression/cutting ass an illness as being poorly/sick.
I am on citralopram or however you spell it. but can't be arsed with it. Yes cutting actualy makes myself feel much better.

I will eventualy kill myself, as I know their is nothing in this planet for me, I know that. (whilst typing this actualy clear headed)
But yeah Just need a few more f**k ups. befor killing myself, or an "accidental slit on the wrist" thats why i have asked for a blunt object to use etc.

Waiting for my assessment, for AS putting up with f*****g up, being alone, struggling to make friends/socialiseng.
being unable to have a g/f by saying/doing something stupid.

I am a f*****g mong I hate myself always have.
Did 5 years army it was f*****g s**t hated it, bullied all through life.
Started boxing, went on army boxing team. I even got told off at school and through the present day for fighting even though just sticking up forself.

I have threatened my family, threatened my female cousins yelled at my aunties, threatened my father, threatened him with a knife aswell.
smashed up my property, screamed shouted. I am not a nice person, I hate everything to do with me. I try so hard but I just keep f*****g up.

Waiting for that slip up now waiting to die. f**k god f**k life.

Rule number one when it comes to self-harm - if you need to do it, do it.
It's obviously not healthy, but self-harm tends to come from lacking any other way to express negative emotions or feelings, without a more healthy coping strategy self-harm stops you from getting overcome or engaging in more unhealthy coping methods, often we see in self-harm communities those who stop 'cold-turkey' eventually end up self-harming again but often with a lot more severity.

Cutting with something just as blunt with the same sort of effect as blunt glass - blunt knives or scissors? I personally opt for sharp implements for cutting, obviously I am going to advise you try using safer methods such as using an elastic band to snap your wrists or ice on the wrists, and if you are going to use knives or scissors then keep them and the scars clean - infection really isn't what you're aiming for here, it'll just hurt in the wrong way and limit any 'good' feeling-wise that you're getting.

You know that you'll kill yourself?
NOT that I want to encourage such a thing, but surely if you really meant that they you'd not be sitting here writing this? You don't sound like you're all that clear on the idea of suicide, there's still something there stopping you - sorry, but you may feel that way but you don't sound that way, and it's rare to find someone with a clear want to end their life. What you sound like is someone who is mad and self-loathing.

Oh, and most people on Yahoo! Answer's are idiots (excluding me, of course), don't pay too much attention

Try to find another method of stress relief/coping besides self-harm. I've known a few cutters and all of them wear long sleeves or pants constantly depending on where their marks are. Also, cutting can cause infections especially if the material you are cutting with is not sterilized and glass could chip off into your body depending on how deep you cut. You do not want to be picking tiny glass fragments out of your own wrists.

OK, gonna be blunt. I think this is awful advice (sorry Bloodheart- it's nothing personal- the later bit about elastic bands is good).

Self-harm, especially cutting, is an unbelievable stupid way to cope with life. I'm guilty of it; wish I'd never done it. I stopped when I was 18 (and haven't touched a drop since...)

I was lucky not to get any infections, but the scars are permanent. Some of them are keloid (the raised, ugly bumpy looking ones) and there's no easy way to predict which way your skin will react. One consequence of that, that I never considered at the time was that it severely limits what you can wear to work years down the line; it may not be your top priority now, but your future self will probably thank you; not being able to wear short-sleeves/shorts in summer can be a real bummer. But not as much as colleagues finding out and asking nosey questions.



ngh, I wouldn't call it an illness per se, that's kind of taking the self-responsibility out of the equation. If you really want to stop, it's not that difficult (obviously depends to a degree on your personality).

Citalopram won't work if you don't take it as prescribed (i.e regularily); it needs to build up in your system and make changes over time. If you've been on it long-term though, and it's not working, I'd suggest going back to your doctor and asking for a switch/increase in dose. Alternatively, some people here find 'St John's Wort' (herb) works well for them.



Honestly, I think anger counselling might do you some good. You might be able to get it through your local services.

Sorry but it's not stupid, and while yes it is not a healthy way to cope with life, scars are ugly and those scars may lead to prejudice later in life, we already know that and it doesn't actually change a thing and a few scars is better than ending up dead.

Self-harm is a mental health problem. A person needs to understand why they self-harm (i.e. why they can't express emotions in 'healthy' ways), to be able to identify and reduce triggers (e.g. stress, depression, anxiety), and learn new coping methods, without this they simply cannot cope - some people gain this from seeking professional help, some of us learn new coping methods over time, but it is not healthy to just stop and hope everything will magically solve itself.

I'm speaking not only as a self-harmer myself but also as a previous carer for a self-harmer, college counsellor and ran an online community supporting self-harmers - whenever someone stopped self-harming 'cold-turkey' or because a friend/family member made them promise, this was an alarm to keep to hand emergency contacts and a first aid kit. I can't count the number of times I've had to call an ambulance or talk to police over someone who decided to 'just stop' like a bad habit.

The VAST majority of people would eventually find their feelings were too much to cope with so have to cut, and it would be far worse this time round than if they had just cut as they would normally as they've had more and more negative feelings piling on top of each other with no way of dealing, there's also additional bad feelings over not being able to stop. Often it's bad to the point of hospitalisation or even accidental suicide - or suicide on purpose is also a risk in those who stop self-harming, you remove their way of coping and it all gets too much. Those who didn't go this route often ended-up with other equally destructive coping methods like alcohol abuse, drugs, violence towards others, eating disorders, etc.

Some people can just wake up one day and decide not to cut ever again, if you're one of them then great, but not everyone is like you. It's very rare for a person to simply stop without first gaining a new coping method, in most cases attempting to stop is dangerous.


...and with that I'm walking away from this thread, two cents given...
Glass, feel free to PM me whenever you like xx

I second this.


As opposed to the million other coping methods out there that are both physically and psychologically easier to do than taking a sharp object to your skin hard enough to make yourself bleed?

Glass, My husband served and suffers from servere PTSD he has tried to kill himself before. It began with cutting. Every day since he was medically discharged for his physical disability we have been afraid that any one small thing will put us over the tipping point and we will lose everything.

I don't want to go into detail but I want you know that I empathize with you. And that I really really hope for the best for you. If you have healthcare still see if they will cover therapy. They may diagnose you with PTSD. Do not think that PTSD is not real or that it makes you weak. I did not take it seriously as I should have but it is a very real and painful thing and I cannot deny that it is an incredibly serious issue.

I know you feel so bad for hurting the people that you love but try to understand why you did it and try to learn from it. Tell them that you do love them and that you are in so much pain. Try to understand that you have been through some very hard things and you have reacted to them. I hope that your family and friends will understand this. Tell them that you love them anyways and that you are sorry. We all know that we are supposed to be in complete control of our actions but sometimes we have breakdowns in that control. You can only try to prevent it from happening again but you cant change the past.

You have something called a fight or flight response and you may have been through some very difficult and frightening things and you may be chemically adjusted to survival in a highly threatening environment. This is not your fault. You can try to learn to control it... but it will probably be difficult.

Life is hard as hell and I don't know how to make it better but if you knock yourself out of the equation that is one less person around who knows how bad life can get. If anything I'd say we need more people like you to remain around because there are a lot of people out there who want to make life living hell for everyone and they will use all of the herpyderpy motivational bootstrappy propaganda they can and its crap.

It's so hard for me to find a way to encourage you because platitudes make me want to puke and I do not like platitudes at all. I want you to know that someone out there really cares what happened to people in your position.

I am very afraid for the future due to the self centered attitudes I am seeing displayed lately. If there is hope to be had it requires people who understand what its like to struggle when all you want are basic provisions and security to stick around.

I don't believe in God. God is a delusion.

Please know that you aren't alone. It does not make me feel better to know that someone else suffers but I do take hope in knowing that there are other people out here who have been through hard times and they know what its like. Many people do not even have a clue. Your perspectives are much needed.

Hmm this is a hard one, I know how it feels to hate yourself and want to punish yourself.

I don't think you deserve to be punished but you obviously do, what about making yourself do something you really hate like running around the block?



Perhaps you should have your medication re assessed.

thats the reason why i cut myself.
be careful, it escalates easily.

i went from the occasional scratch to cutting from my wrists to elbows on each arm. :/

and it doesn't even help.
try the snapping an elastic band on your wrist thing - i tend it do that more now, and it has the same effect as cutting but it doesn't cause the scars.

i do sometimes relapse, but never as bad as it was before i started snapping with a band.

i don't have any advice really, because i'm not past it completely yet.

It's a horrible habit to break, so the sooner you stop, the better.

Get a therapist ASAP who can provide you with coping skills to stop the self harm. If you need to, check yourself in somewhere until you are "safe". The therapist should also be one that will allow calls after hours, so you have someone to talk you through issues that come up.

Look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Though originally created for Borderlines, it is amazing with many other mental health challenges such as mood and anxiety disorders. It's especially good for cutters. It can change your life if you are willing to see it through.

If you'd like a list of quick coping skills until you can get help, I'd be happy to oblige.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. *hugs*

Okay, I struggled with fantasies about dominant-submissive sex. I enjoyed dominant-submissive fantasies as a source of life and as a source of escape from an overly constrained life. At the same time, I was a member of Amnesty International, I protested the first Gulf War of 1991, and I studied academic ethics like utilitarianism, like Kantian ethics, thinking I could make real contributions in the field. So yes, it was a big conflict. And at various times, I felt guilty as all sh*t.

So, what happened? Well, kind of like the poem, “Tyger, Tyger, burning bright . . . ” In time, I kind of decided the “dark side,” my “Tyger” as it were, was a source of energy, too. And maybe reading some Stephen King helped, too. It’s hard to tell what helped. But in time, it gradually occurred to me that ds fantasies are kind of like knowing another language. And being conversant with this language is a source of strength. For example, I can easily see through work situations, that being mean for real would just be ruining good potentially good dominant-submissive play/fantasy. It’s a little hard to explain. But also like in politics, if a national leader makes an uber threat in a public way, wow, he has just put himself into a box. Hard to come down from this. It’s better to go medium, and not make the threat. Or have the Secretary of State float a trial balloon, that kind of thing.

Okay, so one difficulty with potential girlfriends is saying or doing something stupid. I certainly do this, too. I can clam up, make a clunk move of too much all at once, then clam up again. One thing is turning my internal censor to it’s probably okay to say it afterall, unless it really jumps out at me as inappropriate, and then say more all along. And then, it’s all a random thing anyway. A woman’s going to either like me or not like me for all kinds of random and seemingly small reasons anyway. And I tell myself to work on skills of gracious, matter-of-fact recovery and just let a medium mistake be a medium mistake.

Now, not so cool to yell at family members. And philosophically, you may have to go pretty far. like an unstated, ‘I give you permission to say anything you want to say.’ Mentally, in response to my Dad who can be a very tricky, harsh, condemnatory person. The actual skill can be small and straightforward like a matter-of-fact 'Okay.' As in, I'm not the least bit intimidated, or maybe a little bit, but I'm not going to show more. Like a politician listening to what someone says, agree, disagree, anywhere in the middle.

A lot of doctors can't talk worth crap. We have talked here on WrongPlanet that some counselors have been helpful, some not. My experiences have been not, and I suppose I'm in that camp, but I'm honest enough to acknowledge there is another side. And as far as medication, I think the most a person can realistically hope for is a doctor you can halfway talk with. And it's all a crap shoot anyway. A medication like prosac will work for some people, but not others. And this trial and error should simply be embraced.

We're with you guy! Please talk with us when and how you choose, your time table on this one.

I found that physical activity helps me avoid self-harm. Try anything ranging from belly dance, running/other cardio, karate, rock climbing or other physical activities that cause you to exert a lot of energy and might even feed any deep pressure needs you may have that are contributing to your issues.

I dont see how it "helps" at all as i wont try it myself.

Hi glass ,hope you are well,
allow me to give you some information on selfharm,I dont know if you know this but if you do im sure someone else will find this useful :
The effect of selfharm is (like a drug) makes the body develop opiate like substances (+ serotonin which is basically what makes you feel happy)...what im saying is selfharming is an addiction and it damages your body just as badly as taking drugs. do you know the way drug users need more and more <insert drug name here> to get the effect? well selfharm is the same.the longer you self harm the more harm you need to do + the more frequent you get the urge.

fortunately you can,with hard work and commitment ,stop.I know ,I used to self harm also and I thought there was no way out only eventual suicide that is not true!...I have not self harmed in over two years.it was hard and sometimes it still is...here is some advice...
1.when you decide to stop selfharming make sure you know how much commitment it takes ,dont make the decision lightly.

2.see a therapist in my opinion. psychologists are better than psychiatrists ,as psychiatrists are MDs they prescribe medication.try to avoid medicating yourself as this is not dealing with the specific problem and is only necessary to avoid suicide and severe mutalations.

3.if you relapse try not to feel too guilty about it just keep trying...if you had a particularly bad experience and you feel you need to selfharm then try these first:
(these depend on what works for you)
1. excercise -walk,run,etc (it releases neurotransmitters which make you feel happier)
2.The Rubberbands (already suggested by someone in this thread).
3. holding ice in your hand until it melts.(this is quite painful so only use it as a substitute as if not you can trigger the urge to selfharm)
4. drawing,scribbling with markers at a your own pace to cover a blank page(if angry this works try it out,it may sound wierd but you should try it out anyway)
5. many people selfharm to see blood ,they do this because they wont reassurance that they are ''alive''. people who feel ''numb'' or indifferent to life are often the majority of these people (use red marker on your skin to recreate the feeling)

these are only to be used when necessary(as a substitute to selfharm because later you would probably not like to be dependant on these methods.


4.some advice for when you feel you are ready to stop using the above methods is to keep a mood diary of the moods you feel through a day, why you felt it etc etc...maybe do this for a set period of time and then evaluate if it helps you etc...
you can print this off and use this also.
link for print sheet.

I hope you found this helpful if you have any questions please dont hesitate to PM me,
take care of yourself,
aoife AKA deadinhead.

Hi Glass

I too self-harm in a similar way. It's been going on for several years now, so I have had a lot of time to think about why I do this and what I can do to stop.
I don't think anyone has the right to tell a person to stop self-harming, although if people are telling you to stop it is only because they are worried about you. Self-harming is a coping mechanism and without something to put in its place, you will simply be unable to cope with all the negative feelings you have of very low self-esteem. I guess I am agreeing with Bloodheart here.
Obviously it is really important that if, and when, you do find a substitute for self-harming it is a healthy substitute - exercise maybe, or voluntary work - but such activites might seem pointless when you are in a really low mood. I think it is a good idea to grab your moments of slightly less low mood and try do use them for a positive activity. Hopefully you will see some benefits, although it will probably take a long time.
Meanwhile, keep chatting to us here, to let us know how you are feeling - we will try to help.

Pagangirl
xxx

I agree with Bloodheart, who’s basically saying, a person’s got to go with what’s working right now.

And at the same time, Dream. Go for the good stuff right now and don’t wait till you have ‘solved’ your ‘problems.’ For example, you’ve finished five years in the army relatively recent, so I’m assuming you’re a relatively young person. Have you considered medical school or law school? Yes, really, something I wish I would have done earlier, esp medical school. I think it’s a gift to yourself just to consider it. And what I would mainly offer is heart in the game. I care about my clients (patients).

Gerry Rafferty the musician recently died from complications related to alcoholism. And he had struggled for years and years, but he didn’t let that stop him from making some really good music. And I think the classical music composers had all kinds of issues they struggled with.

And we don’t need to meet any arbitrary standard of ‘highness’ or ‘greatness.’ We don’t have to do anything other than be ourselves.

Here’s a right now possibility. This coming January, maybe even December, you can be face-to-face with clients at H&R Block. Now, it’s a sh*tty company, straight up, just no other way to say. But you being there can make a difference. I basically got fired for being proactive and calling customers and politely informing them that they have been declined for the loan product, instead of trying to buffalo the customer off on a 1-866 number till the customer finally decides enough is enough and storms the store. It makes good business sense, and it’s decent treatment of real people. Other things were used as an excuse, and I was fired. But, I had a good run of it for a couple of years. And if I so choose, I could go to Jackson Hewitt, or Liberty Tax, or one of the other preparers. But for me, it's a little bit, been there done that. But for you or someone else, it might be a new adventure.

Point is, you can fight the corporate power. Here’s a job, don’t particularly give a damn whether I get fired or not. Hell, it’s seasonal anyway. The biggest thing, I think you got to inform the client of the possibility of “cross-collection,” about 1 chance out of 100, the awful HSBC bank will confiscate the client’s entire tax refund for purposes of third-party bank debt. Yes, it’s very serious. And it’s a significant communication problem because it’s not even on the client’s radar screen. One guy got it. ‘I’m not even sure it’s legal,’ he said. ‘Yeah, I want to pay my bills, but on my own terms.’ But a lot of people don’t get it. I’ve even talked to CPAs who don’t fully get it. They talk about the interest on the loans, that’s kind of the least harmful, least damaging part of the whole thing. I have written about this in other posts with references.
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt114422.html
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt147123.html

So, if you have some piss and vinegar, this is one right-now possibility. Or, within the year. The office manager liked me because I was also good with the computer system. And he kind of came round and respected me as someone who stands up for the underdog. This awful lady in the main office, well, that’s a different story. But hell, it is a seasonal job anyway!

NOTE: Biggest negative, several years and only one other co-worker who shared my concerns and he waffled. But, I only need one other person. Kind of like hope springs eternal, one other person and we have the rebel alliance. And I'm not trying to beat the customer over the head. I'm trying to direct him or her to the one part of the paper work they should really be concerned with.