Dropping out of college

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Well, it would appear that I'm not quite cut out for society after all.

Basically, for the past semester I've been on academic probation for grades. Now it's halfway through the semester, and it's obvious that I'm not going to make the "satisfactory academic progress" that is required of me to remain enrolled at the university.

UW isn't exactly Harvard, they have a lenient policy regarding satisfactory progress when it comes to undergraduates. Basically, if you end a semester below a 2.0 (straight C average), you are placed on academic probation and have the next semester to display "satisfactory academic progress" (In other words, getting your GPA above a 2.0 or coming close to doing so.) If by the end of the probation semester you are still below standard, they suspend you from the university for a semester. You can apply for leniency in extenuating circumstances, but usually you can't re-enroll until the following semester. Afterwards, if you are still willing to re-enroll, they will hold a reinstatement hearing, and if you are accepted, you have to do a second semester of academic probation, this time with restrictions (basically, you have to change your major to "undeclared", you can't take more than a certain number of credit hours, and you have to meet with an advisor from the Dean of Students office twice monthly.) If you don't finish the second probation semester with a 2.0 or higher, then they expel you and you can't reapply unless you can show them satisfactory improvement at another institution.

Well, as I mentioned earlier, I'm pretty much guaranteed to not be at the university after this semester, at least until the spring semester next year.

So I've decided, f**k it. It's obviously not working out.

Right now I'm trying to find a job in-town. My current job has me running tech support for the campus newspaper, but the position is reserved for students, which means that I will most likely be fired at the end of the semester. I'll probably be working fast food or something like that. I'm also planning to apply to LCCC, the town community college. My guess is things will be slightly easier there, and I can knock some core curriculum classes out of the way while waiting to be reinstated at UW.

So at least I have a plan to move forward.

The problem is, I'm pissed at the fact that it's come to this. I've pretty much slacked off the entire two years I've been attending UW and now I'm having to drop out. I wanted to get my degree, but I didn't really realize how much effort that entailed until it was too late. And the fact that I failed myself in this respect is the most infuriating of all.

I've pretty much reaffirmed the convictions of everyone who told me I was never going to make it. I've failed in the eyes of the people that have supported me thus far. Finally, I've proven to Suiseiten, my girlfriend, that I am a liar and a hypocrite. When she was on academic probation last semester, I tried my best to coach her into doing better at her classes. It didn't work out in the end, but I gave her some life advice - advice that I have failed to follow in turn. I'm actually seriously considering breaking up with her, not for anything she's done, but simply because I'm worthless and she can do much better, and I don't want to be the lead chain weighing her down.

If that wasn't enough, I owe about $10K in unsubsidized student loans. This may not have been much had I been able to actually get my degree, but considering the quality of job I'll be having, even if I'm only going to be away from college for a year or two, it's going to be nasty. The terms of the loan give me a six-month deferment period, starting from when I leave school. So, basically I have until November 2011 before I have to start paying that back. So, ~$10K, over a payment period of 5 years, would be $2K a year, or about $170 a month. Right now my work with the BI gets me about $500 a month, and since I live at home that is enough. Problem is, ever since I began recieving income, I've developed a habit of frivolous spending. Even if I made more than that, and continued to live with my parents, I would have trouble meeting that amount.

So, pretty much, my remaining lifespan is going to be one clusterf*ck after another, simply because I lack the motivation and the long-term foresight to actually better myself. I'm an idiot.

1. Go to the psychological counseling department, tell them how you are feeling and your predicament. Sometimes they can help you if you need to take a break from school.

2. See your academic counselor, see if you can get an incomplete in your courses on account of your current mental health issues.

Sometimes they let you finish your courses the next semester and it doesn't constitute dropping out of school.

3. Don't break up with your girlfriend because you are feeling down on yourself. A girlfriend is not a trophy or a prize that you deserve or don't deserve based on life merit, she is a person who likes you (for you) enough to date you and likely feels she has some deep connection to you. As such a person, it's part of her job to be there for you when you are feeling down and it isn't your place to decide her standards for her. A lot of times, allowing a partner to be there for you when you are down actually strengthens the relationship.

I don't think your future is as dim as you think it is. You are 20. You've only been an adult for 2 years. I think maybe you need to figure out why you don't have the energy to put what's required into your college courses. Also, have you ever had a learning disability evaluation? A lot of people with AS have NVLD as well....there isn't much of a difference between the two, and accommodations can be made for that.

There's a difference between stepping up to take responsibility for a situation and just blaming yourself over and over again for everything that went wrong.
It's fantastic that you're taking responsibility for this situation, but what's not helping is you saying how much of a failure you are, or how everyone else is right because they knew you would fail. STOP.

This is your life. Your Life. The only person who has to believe in you is You.

You've outlined what you think went wrong - Bravo!
You've outlined a couple of possibilities of where your life could go from here - Yes!
You want to break up with your girlfriend as some type of self-administered punishment? Whuh?
(Listen to Chronos, that's good advice.)

And yes, hypocrisy sucks, but you meant everything you told her when you were talking her out of leaving school, right? And you really wanted to follow that same advice with your own life, right? But it just wasn't the same, huh?
It's really easy to give someone very excellent advice, but it's even more difficult to follow through with that same advice in your own life, believe me, I know. And I don't think that's being a hypocrite - because you didn't knowingly attempt to persuade her, meanwhile thinking all along "Ha! I don't really believe this load of crap!" Right?

Going to the Community College is a fantastic idea - and a cheaper one! But that doesn't necessarily mean that the quality of education will be less. Seriously. There are a lot of good Community Colleges out there and because the class sizes are smaller, you have a better chance of getting to know your Instructor and also have a better chance of getting more out of the class.

And I know that the student loan money can be overwhelming, but remember that you can defer those payment based on economic hardship (it just takes a little paperwork), and/or you can have them refigure your monthly payment based on your income (again, with just a little paperwork). They can't get money out of you that you don't have and they're just happy if you communicate with them (e.g., don't hide from them), and make whatever payment you can in a timely fashion (trust me on this one - been there, done that).


Man, you're doing the best you can what what you have. That's all any of us can do. That's what we do everyday - honestly.
I know it looks bleak now - I'm sorry you're upset - but school is not an unattainable goal - You can do this.

_________________
Diagnosed with High Functioning Autism well into adulthood.
It's never too late to get a diagnosis.
Hell, I thought I was just weird.

i can (obviously) come off as really abrupt and my tone can sound sharpish, so feel free to ask me to clarify

Update.

So far I haven't heard anything back from potential employers. I'm sending out more applications tomorrow, as well as contacting the places that I applied to a week ago.

As for Suiseiten, I called her yesterday and had a long talk with her. I didn't try and break up with her, but I did tell her that we needed to dial down the relationship a bit, and focus on our own lives rather than each other. After all, she is also out of school and unemployed at the moment, so we're really dealing with the same issues. And since she lives in Casper and I live in Laramie, it's not going to be much of a departure from the norm, we'll still keep in touch on Facebook and by phone live we've been doing since last Christmas when she dropped out and moved back to Casper. She was very supportive of the idea, especially when I told her that once the two of us got our lives back in order, I'd like to help her in moving back to Laramie so we can be together. It's not so much a breakup as it is a break.

So we will probably not see much of each other for the next few years, except for September when we go down to Nan Desu Kan in Denver. We both went last year and it was a lot of fun, so after that we pre-registered early. Since it's already something that we had planned to do, I figured it would be a good opportunity. Hopefully by that time I'll have enough money saved up for a vehicle. We'll be travelling with some friends but I told her that if, if possible, I would get us a room for two at the hotel we will be staying at during the convention, so that after a day of cosplay and other assorted activities, we could have some alone time, just the two of us.

Other than that, we both accepted the fact that we probably wont meet for another few years.

I'm planning to do some core curriculum classes at LCCC, the local community college. I also found out that they offer an associates degree in computer science. So I might transfer there instead, then return to UW after I get my associates so I can work on my bachelor's degree. It just depends on time and money.

Thanks for the advice everyone.