No matter what I do, I'm not important to anyone. It's been this way for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a kid. I know I'm not a perfect person but I really really try to be supportive to other people, but it feels like no matter how much of a nice friend I try to be, the other person always has more important things to do than hang out with me. I honestly don't think I've ever had a friend ask to do anything with me, it was always me doing the initiating. And I can't really keep on saying that it's their problem for being a flaky friend; they don't seem to have trouble sustaining friendships with other people. I've come to the conclusion that I just don't have a compelling or interesting enough personality; if I did, they would stick around for me.
I've never had a friend whose interest I could sustain for long. They could always find cooler people to spend time around. I feel like I'm just completely inconsequential, incapable of bringing anything to the world that I can see any evidence of actually mattering.
And if I was really really good at something, I might not feel so bad over this. Everybody has their own struggles in life but if I had a special talent or something that I could really shine at, I would feel like I had a reason for existing. But as an actor and singer I'm extremely mediocre. I've built my entire life around something that I'm not even that talented in. It's like I don't have a single thing about me that's worthwhile or that actually counts for anything.
Sorry for this annoying emo post but I just feel really really really horrible. I can't see any evidence whatsoever of me being a valuable person and I don't even know what to do at this point.
18 Apr 2011, 10:22 pm
