heartbroken. Anyone else?

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I'm heartbroken over something that most people would not get heartbroken over because most people do not obsess like me and are able to filter out bad feelings.

Anyone else?

I am not going through that at the moment, but I have experienced that before. It can be hard to explain how much even something small can hurt when you can't get it out of your mind. *hug*

Thank you so much bicentennial man.

I am just so sad. I'm just so sad. I can't stop crying.

Purchase, I am sorry to hear that.

This morning I found a bee that drowned in last night's rain and it broke my heart. No lie, I just hate to see people or animals get hurt or die. One time my wife's roommate put down one of those sticky traps and it worked well as there was a tiny mouse stuck in its grip the next morning. It writhed in agony as it attempted to free itself, only getting more stuck and more pathetic with each attempt. I couldn't handle watching it suffer so I set about freeing it from the trap. It took me two hours to get the thing off the trap but I succeeded. After that I put the mouse into the woods to live out its life. I just can't handle suffering or death, as I said, that stuff drives me to despair, most especially when it's a human or animal that's defenseless or weakened.

Dinosaw - I'm SO glad you set that mouse free! It pains me greatly too to see animals suffering. There were sticky mouse traps in the grocery where I worked for a mere month and that was reason #165 that place was hell. I asked the manager if I could get rid of the traps and trap the mice in boxes myself to set them free (I know that sounds impractical but I've had a lot of success trapping animals without harming them) but they said no, it was against health code. Euggh.

I'm not being tortured mercilessly like a trapped animal so I guess there's always that to put it in perspective. My problem is a vain one. I want to be beautiful so people will love me. Human nature is horrible. It's horrible to know people can't help but be attracted to beauty and repulsed by the lack of it and it's hell being trapped in a repulsive body. I want to destroy it but then I'd be destroying myself. I want to rip off my skin and pull the meat off my bones and then snap the bones until there's nothing left. That sounds f*****g disgusting I know but that image is soothing me for some reason even though it could never happen and I'd rather things just be easy and I be beautiful.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling down, Purchase. Sending you some hugs. {{{{{{{}}}}}}} I hope you feel better soon. I'm sensitive too, & sometimes it doesn't take much to make me cry either.

Big hug,

Tomboy

Oh thank you tomboy! {{{{hugs back}}}}

Good to know other sensitive people are out there. Just because... just good to not be alone.

Go ahead and cry! Don't fight it! Indulge!

I cried all day every day for a year after my first relationship ended, and the thing I regret most about it is feeling so guilty all the time for feeling so sad about it. Breathe into your pain. Don't try to avoid it.

Sorry to hear you're going through something terrible right now. It will get better, eventually.

With all your beauty on the inside, nobody can ever take any of it away from you! :hugs:

*hugs* I understand what you're going through, I know that sounds like a cop out, but I do, and it can feel like hell. I'm not really sure what to say other than that I hope things will be okay.

I remember once my psychiatrist told me it's not WHAT you look like, but HOW you look. That helped at the time.

Thank you very much all of you. Those are very nice sentiments,

I still want to kill myself though. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I just can't survive in this unfair world, I'm just too thin-skinned to survive in it. I feel everything, there's nothing I don't feel and no injustice I don't feel trapped by.

Same with many of you I'd guess and I've gathered.

I'm not 100% of what you're talking about but I do agree that when dreams get squashed underfoot by life its both painful and disorienting - after all dreams and hopes give us a task, a mission statement, to lose them life gets ugly.

Right now I'm crossing my fingers, have a few dreams I'm holding onto, I just hope things don't get 'too' real.

please don't discount your own pain just because you don't think it compares to a trapped animal or whatever - your own struggles are subjectively quite painful and it isn't fair for you to minimize them. if some situations are making you cry and break down then they are all real problems to you. i did group therapy and there was a man in the group who saw his whole family get murdered in front of him, which is the worst thing anyone can imagine. some people's lives would seem so easy in comparison, but his problems were no more debilitating than anyone else's problems in the group.

i struggle with some of the same things you have said here, and honestly i think it is pretty widespread for people on the spectrum to have body issues. you are really, really not seeing yourself clearly. you are maybe seeing yourself through the filter of how you *think* you should look, and not seeing the beauty that is already there.

about being obsessed... i am incredibly obsessive, and i have always fallen in love easily. so i know what you are talking about.

(((hugs back at you)))

Oh good to hear from a fellow obsessive hyperlexian. It feels such a relief to be understood. Yes falling in love fast can be a mess. I will take your advice and not discount my feelings, and consider what you said about not seeing myself accurately.

techstep - it sounds like a good plan to hold onto your dreams. Without them no one would make any progress, they'd just stick with known reality. It's encouraging to hear this view.

I feel the same as you and just wanted you to know you are not alone *hug*

Look at my avatar It's something I think other people might get heartbroken over, but the difference is that it's been almost 10 months and the vast majority of people who don't obsess would have been over it long ago. Me, I don't know how long it will take, or if it will ever happen.

You're not alone.

~Kate