Was tempted to drive my car into a lake today

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And it wasn't the first time I was tempted to do this either.

Though it wasn't really a lake than it was a sewage pond which was why I didn't bother. I dont live anywhere near any major water areas which is good I guess. Still that didn't stop me when my suicidal thoughts began in middle school and I knew a similar kind of pond was located behind the houses across the street from mine. Never tried drowning though but I did attempt a few other methods of suicide.

Anyway that just goes to show how bad things are getting. I dont know if many of you remembered the issues I was having that I discussed in this thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt149649.html Well...they've gotten worse since then. No surprise there.

I just had a lousy day today. No wait, that's everyday. I'm gonna have to get use to getting yelled at and blamed by my dad for his crappy communication (not mine) on a daily basis while we're trying to sell a relative's house.

Today after the typical communication and work mess with my dad. I decided to go for a walk on the city trail when these two bikers were coming from behind. They gave me warning so I moved to get out of their way but it was to the wrong side and they yelled at me for it. Next time f*****g tell me which way to move alright?!

But my biggest meltdown reach maximum when I went into a Wendy's to get a Vanilla Bean Frosty Shake. When I ordered it I was surprised at how low the price was compared to the actual price on the menu only to realize till I got it that the lady thought I had ordered a typical artificial vanilla-flavored frosty! (Typical mistake despite the fact that I did say "shake".) I didn't blow my cap until I got to the car, upset that I couldn't sip the frosty because it's a freaking frosty which was NOT what I drove my ass all the way there in my stressed out state to order at all!! !

So yeah I've been a mess all day and I'm letting all those bad food eating and gambling habits get worst which each passing day. I bought 2 $20 scratch off games just because I was completely losing my mind and self. (No real wins. Won my money back on both tickets but I'll lose a few bucks each to taxes when I cash them in.)

On the way home that's when I saw the lake. Falling apart here. What else can I say?

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time *hugs* I know what it's like. I hope you feel better soon.