Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ]
13 Apr 2011, 8:51 pm
I would be dead right now. Or if i hadn't already killed myself, i probably would today. 
I just have nothing to live for and nothing to offer anyone. My children depend on me and they need me. It still eats at me though. The worst part is that i know that nobody would even come to my funeral if i died tomorrow.
I hate my life.
13 Apr 2011, 10:13 pm
Titangeek
Veteran
Joined: 22 Aug 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,696
Location: somewhere in the vicinity of betelgeuse
13 Apr 2011, 10:26 pm
13 Apr 2011, 11:22 pm
13 Apr 2011, 11:33 pm
purchase wrote:
Solvejg,
I am really sorry you feel so bad. Do you mind if I ask why you think you do? I mean you obviously sound depressed - have you seen a doctor about it? (Basic question I know but important.) It looks like you like archaeology - are you able to get happiness out of that or are other unhappinesses overwhelming you? How would you change your life if you could? I am trying to think what could make you happier. You know when GammaGeek said every child needs a mother it made me thin kmaybe you need a mother figure too if you don't have one in your life, even though you're an adult. I mean someone you can depend on and look up to when you feel lost. I don't know if that appeals to you but if it does maybe seeking out someone like that either on this forum or maybe in something related to your archaeology hobby - that could help? I don't know. Anyway you sound very very depressed and I hope you're getting medical attention for that. Your kids love you I'm sure and I'm sure you love them but you have to be able to want to live for yourself also or else you'll just keep being miserable. You deserve to be able to want to live for yourself as well as for your kids. I'm sure you're a very special person who if people got to know would miss you very much if anything happened to you, so please get help from someone (medical firstly, but in other forms also) for the misery you're in - I believe you have a lot to live for. If you can now just come to that conviction yourself.
I am really sorry you feel so bad. Do you mind if I ask why you think you do? I mean you obviously sound depressed - have you seen a doctor about it? (Basic question I know but important.) It looks like you like archaeology - are you able to get happiness out of that or are other unhappinesses overwhelming you? How would you change your life if you could? I am trying to think what could make you happier. You know when GammaGeek said every child needs a mother it made me thin kmaybe you need a mother figure too if you don't have one in your life, even though you're an adult. I mean someone you can depend on and look up to when you feel lost. I don't know if that appeals to you but if it does maybe seeking out someone like that either on this forum or maybe in something related to your archaeology hobby - that could help? I don't know. Anyway you sound very very depressed and I hope you're getting medical attention for that. Your kids love you I'm sure and I'm sure you love them but you have to be able to want to live for yourself also or else you'll just keep being miserable. You deserve to be able to want to live for yourself as well as for your kids. I'm sure you're a very special person who if people got to know would miss you very much if anything happened to you, so please get help from someone (medical firstly, but in other forms also) for the misery you're in - I believe you have a lot to live for. If you can now just come to that conviction yourself.
Yeah i see a doctor and am on medication. I have been depressed since i was like 3 or 4. Also archaeology is a dead end. I have a degree in it but the only way i could go further is to do feild work which is impossible with 2 children plus, they don't exactly have showers out in the middle of the outback and i NEED multiple showers a day. Then there are no jobs at the end anyway so why bother.
Also i have a mother who really doesn't give a s**t. never has. never will.
It just gets all too hard some days. I am so stressed about a talk i have to do in 2 days time. I am not sure i am going into the wrong field of work, it is all so people focused but I am not good with people. I am afraid i will start stimming in the middle of the presentation and then meltdown from the judgement. At least when i did music, i could rock and it was seen as getting "into" the music.
I am also feeling sick because i had gluten the other day and my throat is swollen still so i can't vomit and take laxitives (bulimia) so i am feeling really fat and bloated and generally like poo.
Why is it so hard.
14 Apr 2011, 3:41 am
Solvejg wrote:
I would be dead right now. Or if i hadn't already killed myself, i probably would today.
I just have nothing to live for and nothing to offer anyone. My children depend on me and they need me. It still eats at me though. The worst part is that i know that nobody would even come to my funeral if i died tomorrow.
I hate my life.
I just have nothing to live for and nothing to offer anyone. My children depend on me and they need me. It still eats at me though. The worst part is that i know that nobody would even come to my funeral if i died tomorrow.
I hate my life.
I'd be sad if you died. I really care about you. You cheered me up, when I was ready to leave WP, three days ago. Here's a hug.
14 Apr 2011, 3:55 am
CockneyRebel wrote:
Solvejg wrote:
I would be dead right now. Or if i hadn't already killed myself, i probably would today.
I just have nothing to live for and nothing to offer anyone. My children depend on me and they need me. It still eats at me though. The worst part is that i know that nobody would even come to my funeral if i died tomorrow.
I hate my life.
I just have nothing to live for and nothing to offer anyone. My children depend on me and they need me. It still eats at me though. The worst part is that i know that nobody would even come to my funeral if i died tomorrow.
I hate my life.
I'd be sad if you died. I really care about you. You cheered me up, when I was ready to leave WP, three days ago. Here's a hug.
You know i don't hug but a gentle pat on the back is appreciated.
The truth is if you knew me, you would learn to be indifferant to me just like everyone else. I have lost lots of people just by stimming far less my total candor and then sole destroying meltdowns.
14 Apr 2011, 8:57 am
Solvejg wrote:
The truth is if you knew me, you would learn to be indifferant to me just like everyone else.
I understand that feeling. In some places online, people seem to like me, and it confuses me because most of the time I'm invisible and alone.
I never know what to say to someone who is feeling bad, but I sincerely hope you will feel much better soon. Maybe after the anxiety from your talk is over?
14 Apr 2011, 9:24 am
tomboy4good
Veteran
Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,379
Location: Irritating people everywhere
14 Apr 2011, 10:04 am
Solvejg wrote:
Yeah i see a doctor and am on medication. I have been depressed since i was like 3 or 4. Also archaeology is a dead end. I have a degree in it but the only way i could go further is to do feild work which is impossible with 2 children plus, they don't exactly have showers out in the middle of the outback and i NEED multiple showers a day. Then there are no jobs at the end anyway so why bother.
Also i have a mother who really doesn't give a sh**. never has. never will.
It just gets all too hard some days. I am so stressed about a talk i have to do in 2 days time. I am not sure i am going into the wrong field of work, it is all so people focused but I am not good with people. I am afraid i will start stimming in the middle of the presentation and then meltdown from the judgement. At least when i did music, i could rock and it was seen as getting "into" the music.
I am also feeling sick because i had gluten the other day and my throat is swollen still so i can't vomit and take laxitives (bulimia) so i am feeling really fat and bloated and generally like poo.
Why is it so hard.
Also i have a mother who really doesn't give a sh**. never has. never will.
It just gets all too hard some days. I am so stressed about a talk i have to do in 2 days time. I am not sure i am going into the wrong field of work, it is all so people focused but I am not good with people. I am afraid i will start stimming in the middle of the presentation and then meltdown from the judgement. At least when i did music, i could rock and it was seen as getting "into" the music.
I am also feeling sick because i had gluten the other day and my throat is swollen still so i can't vomit and take laxitives (bulimia) so i am feeling really fat and bloated and generally like poo.
Why is it so hard.
Hi Solvejg<
I feel for you too & care! I'm so sorry you're so down on yourself right now. Been depressed forever too, had a mom who constantly reminded I was a mistake & that I never did anything right. Really really sucks! Really! I've tried several anti-depressants which didn't help. Could that be what's going on with you? Exercise is supposed to help with natural endorphins...maybe just going for a walk? Do something nice for yourself. Since you didn't have a loving mom growing up, could it be that being a mom is part of your distress now because you didn't have a good role model? Sometimes, we have to be our own moms, & give ourselves the love we didn't receive growing up. Do something that you enjoy. I know you like archeology, but if not that is there something else that interests you? My interest is photography & sometimes it's really hard to get motivated to pick up my camera & press the shutter release. But it helps me a lot! Sounds like you're also stressed out because of your upcoming speech. Is there anything you can do to help calm yourself prior to it?
Maybe the bulimia is part of your depression too? Also do you have anyone who supports you raising your kids? That could also cause feelings of unworth. Please know that there are lots of people who care.
Tomboy
15 Apr 2011, 9:52 am
I was so up, and now i am falling flat on my face again. At least my throat has gone down so i have vomited a few times. I have also taken so pills to clean me out by the morning.
I don't want to go up in front of people while i am all bloated and fat and ugly. Well i can't help the ugly part but i can help the bloated part.
My depression comes on really severe when i am trying to hold back my interests but i have to at the moment because they are all consuming. I can't focus or function on anything when they take over. And one of my old ones was sparked new again today so i am going to have to focus my energy tomorrow and the next day and then i can immerse myself in it.
Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ]
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