HisLady
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 45
Location: Montana, United States
18 Apr 2011, 9:04 am
My Aspie husband acts like I'm his warden, like I'm the bad guy. He has been unstable all this year, and is just now beginning to even out again with the help of medication and good sleep. When he sleeps regularly every night, he does even better.
He loves staying up late. This doesn't make sense to me. We don't have cable, so he's not staying up to watch any shows. He's just staying up late doing what he does all day-- Playing World of Warcraft. When I ask, he says he can't explain why he likes to stay up late.
He has a tendency to stay up ALL NIGHT, then sleeps the day away or tries to stay awake and winds up becoming angry or depressed. He feels a lot of guilt as well, because he knows I want him to sleep at night, yet he continues to stay up all night.
He no longer shows any interest in me, and shows even less affection than he did before. I'm just his keeper, the person he can lash out at and be safe, the person who nags him to get back in to a routine. I'm his errand girl, he hardly ever leaves the house and always has some sort of excuse to not leave.
I'm finding it more difficult to live this way, like we're roommates, or like I'm his nurse. I'm just here to serve him quietly and not say things that might upset him. My trust in him is also quite damaged, because even though he's angry at himself, he yells and swears at me when he's losing it. He accuses me of whatever pops in to his head, treats me like crap... and then asks me to hold him to make him feel better, but even then he continues to rant angrily.
I don't understand why he treats me like I'm the enemy. I quit my job this year to be home for him when he needed me, I've been yelled at, threatened, cried on, I've had to fight him away from hurting himself. This year has exhausted me physically and emotionally just trying to be his rock. Now it's like I'm his nurse. I feed him, do all the household chores (even though he's not working either), monitor his medication...
My reward is to be neglected, ignored, disrespected, and taken for granted. I can't even talk to him about it because he'll be overwhelmed with guilt and throw another fit and talk in length about killing himself.
My heart hurts. 
Why am I no longer his wife? I have Bipolar Disorder and my own emotional issues, how am I supposed to keep being strong?
18 Apr 2011, 1:39 pm
That sounds like an internet addiction to me. It's not your fault and it's not his, either. My best guess as to what will get him offline is to offer to do something with him that you know he enjoys and try to slowly wean him off the internet. If he knows that he should spend less time on the internet, you can try together. And then maybe move the computer to somewhere less convenient so he is less tempted to use it.
I have the same problems with my (aspie) roommate sometimes. 
She intentionally didn't bring a computer with her to school this year so she would stop, but she has to use a computer for some of her schoolwork, so she ends up spending most of her time in the computer lab anyway. But when she doesn't have homework to do and her friends have time to hang out with her, she almost never uses the computer, because she values her friendships over all the distracting things on the internet. The root of the problem appears to be the inability to stop once the person has started browsing/playing.
18 Apr 2011, 2:41 pm
