Going comfortably numb...

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Yes kind of like that Pink Floyd song......there is no other way. I just can't take all the emotions anymore. I am sick of feeling guilty when I enjoy myself because of what others think, I hate that I always want to try and stop people from arguing when the attempts are useless. I hate that all to common pain in my chest I have when what someone says gets to me.

and lately I have felt rather numb, at first it was uncomfortable because I figured it was not a good thing and that I wanted to stay connected to all the above mentioned things(no idea why) but I am starting to enjoy the feeling and would like it to stay. I suppose I am a bit unsure if I want to go that route........but I had better make a decision because it may be too late to go back pretty soon.

I think I've gone through periods of emotional numbness and then come out of them only to be faced with my old unresolved problems (plus new ones ) and been completely overloaded and this resulted in great distress. I think the issues will need to be dealt with one way or another. Unless you are able to function while you're numb and process events, just in a more blithe and carefree way? As if you're humming and skipping through life? But it doesn't sound like that's what you mean, it sounds like you're talking about blocking out pain rather than focusing on happinesses. So I don't know. I think you will find you will be returned to the real world sooner or later whether you like it or not. But if you feel drawn to the numbness now, it can be hard to resist. I don't really have anything useful to say I'm afraid. To everything there is a season I guess! A season for numbness, and a season for intensity.

I hope whatever you go through leads you to happiness in not long.

By the way, my favorite lyrics are by Death Cab for Cutie and might describe your situation:
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half-empty or half-full
It slowly rises - your love is gonna drown

Really I don't think it can drown though. Drowning is irreversible and like I said above... you will always be returned to real life in all its intensity, if my experience is any indication. But I do understand how the present can be too much too process, and the need for numbness.

I've been there. Sometimes you have to do this, just to survive, but as purchase says, it usually doesn't last forever, and your problems are still there afterward. One trick is to use the calm that numbness brings in order to move forward, even if just a little bit. I find that it can be a good time to leave behind things that are burdening you which you really do not need in your life.

For what it's worth, "The paper holds their folded faces to the floor, and every day, the paper boy brings more" and "There's someone in my head, and it's not me".

Well I have had periods of numbness in the past and they usually do end......but I can also choose what I want to do in my mind. If I want to build a wall no one's stopping me. But yeah there is no resolution for a lot of issues I mean my mom is not gonna see that her boyfriend is not good for her or my younger brother so I just have to not let it get to me. Also my brother's pissed at me even though he claimed he was not gonna hold a grudge about something that was kinda stupid(not gonna get into that). If I let it get to me then I'll end up acting like a total pushover and go out of my way to try and get him not to be pissed. So I feel like If I find someway to make this state of numbness more permanent then it would make things a bit easier......and sure I might miss out on some other things but I miss out on things anyways.

It feels nice to be numb though...and I can't overreact to things because of emotions if I am numb to them. Which means no one can get pissed at me for getting upset about things, I don't have to feel bad or like I need to prove people wrong when they call me lazy or selfish or whatever they want to say based on their incorrect assumptions about me.

I don't really experiance positive feelings anyways so I don't think it would be much of a loss. The trouble is there is no real way to completly get rid of emotions so they will be there still just not so much on the surface.

You shouldn’t feel bad about anything that you do. I don’t feel bad about blasting my metal and two minute solo music while sitting in a parking lot. Nor do I feel bad when I go outside and wail on my guitar even though I’m not that great yet. Everyone goes out and does things that they enjoy so why shouldn’t we?




I also had to learn the hard way that people are going to do what they want to do, and no amount of logic or common sense will change their minds. Women will still continue to go after a**holes and get hurt or hurt those around them, and a**holes will still be around willing to oblige them. In fact, my getting diagnosed resulted from a similar situation. In 8th grade the boyfriend of a girl that I had cared deeply for over 2 years casually told me one Monday that a girl he had never met before stayed over at his house and they screwed all weekend. I found this deplorable and proceeded to go to her and inform her, but instead of getting mad at him, she just screamed at me and continued dating him.

I’m not against becoming numb to some aspects of life or people that upset you. I feel like for us to survive in the world he have to turn off some of our emotions, otherwise they just cause problems or upset normal people. I have become numb to my mother’s addiction to hard drugs and constant asking of money from my grandma. I have also become numb to this country allowing the government that works for them to bend them over and proceed to give them the ol’ “in-out” (A Clockwork Orange reference ). There is nothing I can do about either of these subjects that I am extremely passionate about. My grandma will still continue to give my mom thousands of dollars for bills and drugs and people will still continue to believe that politicians have their best interests in mind. The best thing that you can do is focus on other things you are passionate about that don’t involve people or things that upset you. Maybe you might be able to find something that brings you positive emotions and those will make it easier to shrug off things that upset you. Since I finally bought my new guitar I have used it as an outlet for my frustrations as well as a tool to express myself. I find that it calms me down when I am upset and as I improve it brings me a feeling of happiness that I don’t much find anywhere else.

Hopefully things will begin to look up for you.
~Scott

P.S. Comfortably Numb is an awesome song with two of the best solos of the era, Definitely one of my favorite songs. Sweetleaf is also a fun song from Ozzy, one that held quite a bit of relevance for me in the past XD.

I have decided I do not want to feel the pain anymore....so I will continue on this path. Maybe it is the wrong path and I will learn the hard way.......but if I don't choose a path soon I will live a long life knowing I gave into childish fears and doing nothing just like all of the other sheeple. If I am numb to the pain my life causes me then I can do whatever I feel like i should do after all when you have nothing you have nothing to lose. I do not mean material things I mean psychological things i missed out on, I was always one step behind but that is all over now. Now I am just a random human looking for myself in a world full of hypocricy, wrong assumptions and the goal of perfection with no regards to what it will cost and the damage that could result.