Not sure what to think, but I am concerned.

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Alright well first off my life that involves the rest of the real world is improving some....I am planning to move into an apartment with my cousin and sister and I am back in college with classes I think I will enjoy. But still I am plauged by worsening depression everything seems so grim and hopeless. I mean I did not expect these things in life improving to make the depression go away but I did not think things would continue getting worse with my mental state. Other then the depression I have been getting more then the usual amount of anxiety attacks sometimes combined with weird perception issues. Today I was downtown and started feeling anxious then it progressed until I felt like I was being followed I was almost convinced of it.....so I had to keep reminding myself I was just anxious. I had to fight a strong urge to run until the feeling went away but I figured that could get me negative attention since I was in public. And just in general everything seems kinda wrong in some way or another a lot of the time...I just feel completly unstable. I don't know how I will get through college or any of what I'm trying to do with so much instability. And I can't even decribe things that well in this post.....what I've said might seem kinda minor because I can't seem to put into words exactly what I feel like or the severity of these things. But it really is concerning me, except for the times when i start feeling numb then i just kinda don't care. When I feel numb I feel like I may as well go to class try and continue with my life and just see what happens....but I don't know if thats the responsible approach. Not to mention I don't want to let my sister and my cousin down by becoming completly mentally unstable but I don't know how I am supposed to control it. Sorry if this makes no sense, or repeats anything else I've posted about its just really bothering me and I don't know what to do or even what I should think of all this. For the time being I plan on not skipping class or anything because I do want to try and make the whole college thing work, but I guess I don't know how long I will be able to do that.

Hey, thanks for posting. Don't worry about the quality of your post; I thought it was a pretty good one by this forum's standards. "Just do your best" is meant to reassure, but it has the opposite effect on perfectionists.

Anyway, I can relate to the public anxiety/paranoia combo, if not to the degree you are describing. Have you tried wearing dark sunglasses? I haven't actually tried this, but in theory it seems like it should work. If your eyes are covered, that's just one less thing to worry about people seeing and making a judgment on. How do you feel about your clothing? Wearing clothing that doesn't suit the environment can create anxiety. The closer you get to feeling accepted, the calmer you'll be.

I'll wrap this up with a few questions:

What are your plans for school?

What parts of your life feel hopeless?

Have you been diagnosed with anything?

Do you, or did you once take medication?

[quote="JayHun"]Hey, thanks for posting. Don't worry about the quality of your post; I thought it was a pretty good one by this forum's standards. "Just do your best" is meant to reassure, but it has the opposite effect on perfectionists.

Anyway, I can relate to the public anxiety/paranoia combo, if not to the degree you are describing. Have you tried wearing dark sunglasses? I haven't actually tried this, but in theory it seems like it should work. If your eyes are covered, that's just one less thing to worry about people seeing and making a judgment on. How do you feel about your clothing? Wearing clothing that doesn't suit the environment can create anxiety. The closer you get to feeling accepted, the calmer you'll be.

I'll wrap this up with a few questions:

What are your plans for school?

What parts of your life feel hopeless?

Have you been diagnosed with anything?

Do you, or did you once take medication?[/quote

I have tried wearing sunglasses but usually it annoys me more then it helps, as for clothing i am actually more uncomfortable if I am dressed like everyone else well not to mention the current styles for those my age are uncomfortable tight pants and all that.......I like to wear whatever is comfortable regardless of whether its stylish or not. I think for now I will just avoid walking around alone in public where possible.

For school I really just started again because I could not find a job and don't think i could function at one even if I did......so I needed something to do and some form of income so I have whats left over of the grants and loans for now. I am going to look into getting supplemental income or whatever its called because I don't think I can work.

Everything in life just seems kind of hopeless, I mean sure I am going to college......but I find it doubtful I will do much with it. I will move with my cousin and sister, untill i end up not being able to pay which could happen easily. And I just feel like my mental state is on a downward spiral that i cannot do anything about. But even if I am not stressed about that and am looking at the bright side I still feel pretty horrid.

Thus far i've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, aspergers and PTSD.....though I probably need to get a more official diagnosis because what I have is the result of counseling so I may need to get more confirmation for it to be properly documented.

I was prescribed anti-depressants for a while, but they made my anxiety worse and made me really paranoid.....i had a pretty bad reaction. And I have used marijuana because it helps me get my anxiety and depression under control when it gets to be to much.....though thats not always availible for obvious reasons.

I think your doing a mistake here. You should recognize your limits, and don't go beyond them.

When you'll fail again because you can't cope, you'll be even more depressed. Your normal state, is to be depressed, you don't need to add external depressive factors.

You don't do anything, and you alredy thinking of suicide.

Well this is old, I don't even remember this...and I feel like if I actually read what I posted in the OP it will only trigger bad memories of things not working out..I mean what was this a year ago?

not sure how its relevent to now anyways.

o s**t, f****d up the dates.