i need help with something

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more like i need help to cope with something.

i have this friend i met at school back when i was 11 or 12, we've been friends ever since. she lives about an hour or more away from me so we keep in contact through texting on cellphones [because of my fear of talking on the phone].

i'm not a big texting freak or a cellphone addict, so i more or less just check on her every few months.

she is an nt i'm an aspie.

anyway since i've known her she's had about 5 or so boyfriends, all of which ended in a breakup. except the newest one, all i know of him is he has 2 kids, both appear to be around 3 and 4 years old.

well last time i checked on her, she said she was pregnant, and she also said she was hoping her and this guy will get married.

i heard that and was dumbfounded that my friend would do something so stupid, when back in school she told me it would never happen to her.

at this point i just want to get my number changed and drop her like a ton of bricks, i have a knack for turning friends into enemies and i will not hesitate to do so in this situation.

all i know if she winds up in court she better not cry to me, cause i'll tell her it was her fault and to get over it. i have no ounce of pity for people who destroy themselves like that. and i will not listen to such bs for even a second.

my mom keeps telling me it might turn out ok, that's like saying a shotgun is a good sniping gun. cause almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

so i'm not saying if it ends bad but more like when it ends bad, what do i do?

i already told my mom she is talking to her cause i will not be able to be nice.

There is no such thing as a human being whose entire life will meet with your approval. If you can accept this idea, then perhaps you might begin (somehow, in your own way and time) to investigate what is involved in accepting people as they are. Of course, some people must be accepted from a safe distance, this is true. The only real person is yourself; others might be cohorts or adjuncts or even passing scenery. I am intrigued that your friend's life path angers you to the point that you judge her as weak or foolish and you cast her off. You vent your rage to others.

I am not asking you to explain. I am asking you to find out for your own self why you are reacting in these ways, so fast and so strongly. There is an idea inside you that prompted you to throw away a friend. You need to find it and examine it. What you do with it is up to you, of course, but I hope you can give yourself the opportunity to do so by choice.

I apologize if I have offended you. I'm only trying to tell you what I believe to be true about life.

Yes I do not like it when NT people say one thing and end up doing the total opposite-NT's seem to have the ability to lie right to my face and say one thing then do something totally different and they get so smug knowing they can get away with it-I am lacking that ability being on the spectrum-so why in the world do I want to have that ability through therapy and what not-have therapy to be more like an NT.

I agree with Claradoon.

I understand being upset with your friend's choices. I had a friend who complained about how her father had hopes and dreams that he gave up because he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. She told me how she would never do that etc... Well, she got pregnant in her first quarter of college and dropped out. I saw her once after she had the child and I guess I felt rather disappointed with her. I didn't know how to talk with her after that.

Perhaps she made a mistake. What might her life have been if she had not gotten pregnant? But I can't know that at this point. For better or worse, this is her life now. I was friends with her because of her intelligence and sense of humor. Those things haven't changed. When she got pregnant I learned something about her that was different from what I had expected of her as a person, but that doesn't invalidate all the other good things about her.

I regret losing contact with my friend. I allowed my temporary disappointment in her to color all my feelings toward her. But with the passage of 15 years, I've come to understand that she didn't suddenly become a different person. Maybe she did something I didn't like, but I should have behaved like a true friend and accepted her as a human being rather than some artificial idealized person who was only allowed to behave in ways that I approved of.

Here's how you cope with it: Accept that she has made these choices; that she is an individual with her own independent needs and desires. Remind yourself of why she has been your friend in the past and do not throw that away. Just as she made choices, recognize that if you reject her now, that is a choice you are making and that she may have as much reason to be disappointed in your choice as you are in her's.

It is painful when people do things that disappoint you, but if you really value her friendship, remember the things that make her your friend and don't insist that she follow your rules of behavior.