self mutilation

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self mutilation. i feel guilty about doing it because i think i might be attention seeking. i am also destroying the last thing i really own, myself. i am not sure whether i should be using this as an outlet or whether it is something that i should stop. i don't have any scars because i have used sandpaper and small sharp things. but i think i will probably get scars if i continue. there are a lot of things that made me want to cut. ive lost some friends,gotten more depressed and my grades suck. i have not talked to any of my friends since christmas.

Don't feel guilty about it, you'll only end up getting yourself into a viscous circle of self-loathing and feeling bad about yourself, which in turn leads to more self-mutilation, and so on.

It is something that you should stop, but you need to find another outlet for the feelings you're experiencing, if you have a therapist talk to them, if not then consider getting one and look at other ways to take out your...anger? depression? frustration? Something like writing rants in a journal, taking up something like boxing where you can take your frustrations out in a safe way, or put yourself into something social if you think you can manage it to improve your self-esteem, moods and get some more friends - or try talking to the old ones.

If you really have to harm yourself then there are worse things like sandpaper or small sharp things, but the fact you are using these sort of things means you may benefit from less damaging methods, old tricks we self-harmers use like using a very cold ice cube on your skin or wear an elastic band round your wrist and ping it when you feel the need to cut so you're getting the pain without the damage. If into the idea my ex-flatmate used body modification such as tattooing and piercing as a replacement for destructive self-mutilation (she was an extreme case, so covering herself in tattoos was a far lesser evil that possibly saved her life), there may be less extreme ways you can use to get that sort of pain you need without causing actual damage.

You know the triggers - depression, bad grades, loss of friends - presumingly you harm yourself when you think about these things or maybe just when you've having a bad day, so do your best to avoid thinking about such things and find a way to relax yourself and keep your mind busy. Try to figure out why you harm rather than do something less harmful to cope with these things - what do other people do to deal with negative feelings in their life? If you don't know try to figure it out and see if you can replace the self-mutilation with something more healthy.

*shrugs* Not sure if any of this is helpful, but hope you get out of the headspace you're in now x

Done it. Don't do it. There are positive outlets. Exercise. Rolling down a hill. I want to go to the park nearby where there's an almost neverending steep grass hill and roll all the way down like when I was little. That would satisfy the same urge for frenzied release without committing the sacrilege of harming your body. Handstands. They're another good one.

By the way: grades don't matter. Try to only do work for yourself. Take thepressure off yourself to perform for yourself. You are smart. You don't need to prove it to anyone. Do work for your own edification and enjoyment. If you get a bad grade, you just didn't get a chance to showcase the talents you surely have into that project. It's not the end of the world. It's neutral. Do it for yourself, not any external judge.

Friends - sorry to hear you've had troubles with that. Maybe try joining clubs your school has? Don't take your distress over these issues out on yourself. Everyone goes through lonely periods in life through no fault of your own. It will pass, just keep forging forward with an open spirit and people will be drawn to you. May take a bit of time but it will happen. In the meantime, dogs are great friends. If you have a dog, that's great. If not, maybe you could look into volunteering at an animal shelter.