I don't know what to do anymore.

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I have both Asperger's Disorder and Depression. Both diagnosed. They originally diagnosed me with ADHD, then ODD, but then someone finally got it right. In the meantime, my life has become a mess.

I'm a high school drop out. I had issues in junior high, with people who bullied me, friends who betrayed me, and love interests who stomped all over me. My parents went through a messy divorce, and my mother and I argued a lot before she left. I stopped attending regularly in grade eight, then I tried again several years (and treatment centers) later, trying to go to high school. I couldn't handle it. My anxiety was so bad that I couldn't finish the day. I spent all my energy trying to keep myself from bursting into tears, or running away. I didn't even know what was bothering me so bad. I've tried home schooling, but that did not work either.

I've applied for jobs all over, but I've never been contacted back for any of them. I've tried again and again, redone my resume a thousand times. Nothing. I do not have any friends in my current town, even though I have lived here for ten years. I rarely leave my house, as there is nothing out there that seems to be worth it. I've lost interest in everything I was passionate about. Nothing is fun anymore. I have no real interest in anything. I bleed my time away into games like World of Warcraft because when I'm playing I don't have to think about anything.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried therapy, I've tried just pushing through it and attempting to be "normal", I've pretty much exhausted all my options. I feel like all the doors have been closed on me and someone has locked them. I don't have the key. I just feel lost, worthless, like my life will be like this forever, like I'll be a burden on my parents forever, and I'll never mean anything.

Many Aspies here have a similar situation: some suffer from depression, some feel like a burden on their parents, many here have a hard time getting jobs. I, however, am still in school, so I can't help you with the job part. Have you parents been accepting towards you? Have you voiced this feeling towards them? Sometimes even writing everything down gives one a temporary high. I'm sorry I can't give any further advice, but let's hope things get better for you.

My father has been trying to help me as much as he can, but he's "normal" so there is no way he can really understand me. My mother is a absentee, I dislike her company. I have voiced feelings towards them, but I often feel like I am disregarded. My family was the one who put the burden thought in my head in the first place. They tend to use it as a attack card in arguments. I have a blog but I rarely know what is bothering me to write it down.

Thank you so much for the reply.

Your welcome (if you don't mind the embedded etiquette). You're SO not the only one on this website dealing with this type of issue: just scan forums on the Haven and you know what I mean.

What did you use to have interest in?

The forum seems to have ate my post.

I was very interested in writing, in drawing, in voice acting, video games, and video editing. I don't have much of this to show you, I have a video I edited but I don't have enough posts to embed Youtube videos. If you wanna see it, send me a message and I'll show you my Youtube account.

I don't really feel interested in such things anymore. It makes me sad, that I am apathetic about things that I used to love.