I just want to die

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I got back the last three essays I did for this term and got two C+ and one C and I thought the papers were really good. I am getting down because I have only one more year left of school and would like to go to law school when I am done but I don't think I can make it. I am sick with the flu today and I wish that I could just go to sleep and my heart would stop so I don't have to go on living with uncertainty. I don't like life; life is too difficult and I want to die. Why can't I just die? I can't cope with life. But I am too afraid of suicide because what is the most painless way to commit suicide? I wish I had cancer.

Cancer would not be good as it is very painful and not all types are lethal. As for the rest I wish I could tell you what Ive come up for myself but that would not be the best thing to do. I do agree on the this is more trouble than its worth part.

I sometimes feel like that, and I do hope I do die that painlessly whenever my time actually does come.

It probably is more trouble than it's worth, and in the end something positive will come up for me, but its the waiting for things to change for the better part that makes me wonder if things will ever change.

You don't wish you have cancer. Cancer is one of the most painful and slow ways to die. I have seen alot of people die from cancer. The first one was my cousin at age 19, then my student died at age 9. I also have a classmate and a teacher that died of cancer. An aspie I knew at my old school survived, but he had a hard year. Next time you think life is difficult, try going to school nauseous and in pain from chemo treatments and surgeries. When I think my life is hard, I think of the people I know who truly suffered. Believe me, a C on a paper would've been the least of their worries.

If you're determined to go to law school you'll go to law school. Its as simple as that. If you don't get in first try just keep trying until you do. There are plenty of fun ways to die for instance ODing on heroin, robbing a car and joyriding it before driving it off a cliff, robbing a motorbike and dying in some insane stunt etc. Think of it this way. You're already as good as dead since you're gonna die one day so you have nothing to lose. Nothing short of a bullet in the head can stop you from getting into law school and doing what you wanna do. I dropped out of school when I was 15 so I literally haven't even done the junior cert but I'm now half way into getting a chemistry degree in university. A paradigm shift is what you need. The only thing holding you back is your belief system. I recommend you look into NLP.

i dont think the OP really wants cancer either - though you make his troubles sound rather insignificant and invalidated. you're likely putting things in some perspective, but thinking about people less fortunate than ourselves makes us grateful until things eventually come full circle you know

Another aspect of that is in simply getting our minds on someone other than ourselves.

Worry+ego can lead to the delusion of actually having control.

Apparently the OP does want cancer, because that's what he said. I'm going to be completely honest here, but a few mediocre grades are insignificant. I occasionally get them as well, but that's just an indication that you need to work harder and change your study habits. Wishing for death seems a bit unreasonable. There are people in much worse situations who find ways to enjoy life. I know that things can come full circle, but I have many role models to help me deal with difficult situations when the time comes.

I grew up with a quadriplegic sister. Around Christmas, people we barely knew would give her enormous presents because they saw a cute little girl in a wheelchair, and because she has a high social IQ (she never had a problem making friends). Whenever I got whiny about that, or pretty much anything else, my mom would remind me that I can run and climb trees and jump on my pogo stick. Then all of the sudden I wasn't whiny anymore. There is always a reason to find happiness. I learned a valuable life lesson that I wish more people would've learned, for their own sakes. It's no big mystery why we have a suicide problem.

I don't think you're being whiny, but probably just way too hard on yourself.

I am as well.

Thinking of people in worse situations doesn't work if it's not about feeling sorry for yourself. When I do that, I just think, 'wow, there's a lot of suffering in the world' and then I feel even worse. If you're more mad/frustrated with yourself than self-pitying, it's better to go and do something positive. Doing something escapist works in the short term, but getting something done that you've been procrastinating over helps to eliminate some of the permaguilt that I feel.

My problem is that I feel annoyed and upset at the world and my place in it pretty much permanently. I need to look for things to do that make me feel like I'm improving either myself or the world, or I just wilt with frustration. Sometimes, that frustration will make me think, 'wow, I wish I'd just die'...but I've really got to be thinking, 'the quest to make things less crap continues'.

I hope you can relate to some of that.

If you are feeling sorry for yourself, I think you should just indulge it for a bit and then let it go. Everyone's done it in the past. I'm not going to tell you to snap out of it, more like drift out of it. You shouldn't fight any of your emotions, especially negative ones, you should just try to direct them.

The problem is the quest to make things less crappy is too difficult and things won't get better.

i grew up in a family that got in three automobile accidents in a year. when i was ten, my mother was struck on the sidewalk as a pedestrian, and she flew 20 feet. she hasn't been the same since. thirty seconds before she was hit, i was standing on the sidewalk next to her. we were protesting the destruction of wetlands. she told me and my friends to go wait by the cars because she had a bad feeling - sure enough, she was right. if i had been there, maybe i would have had my head smashed under the tire due to my diminutive size. i was at the scene of all three accidents. after the fact, i got to watch my family struggle financially, physically, and emotionally. you and leejosepho are right - getting outside your own head and thinking of those less fortunate than you can certainly be steps in the right direction. i don't think you can say with any certainty that a few bad grades is insignificant; and personally, my own troubles won't really get any closer to being solved just because im thinking of someone less fortunate than myself. i hope the OP can find that strength to make things better.

I agree with half of that. Yes, trying to get on with the stuff that needs doing in life can often seem impossible, and can give a sense of despair. But I can't support your idea that things won't get better. Maybe they won't get better overnight. Maybe they won't get better this month. But you seem to know where you want to go, it's way too soon to be giving up.

QFT

Also, what are the advantages to giving up, Sinestro? You never know what you might be capable of if you give up on things. It's at least worth trying from a objective point of view. If you weren't you, you'd make yourself try just out of curiosity. When I was at uni, I got bad grades in the first year. That made me feel pretty hopeless. I stuck at it and my grades started to improve and overall they were quite good in the end.

I suspect it's not just the grades that are bringing you down. If you feel one area of your life is too big to fix, find something that can be improved more easily. That will give you more confidence to do the other things.