a terrible feeling

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It appears as though i am particularly incapacitated in the social side of my life. My social anxiety is so bad that i just avoid all opportunities. I am particularly unhappy at the moment. There's a low lingering pain in the middle of my stomach. I am not getting what i want from life.

Sorry to hear it Jamie. I don't think I've any practical advice to give you today. Hope things improve for you.

*squeezes Jamieboy's hand*

It will be okay.

I feel your pain, as my life is gripped by social anxiety. What helped me would be my psychologists telling me to put myself in a different frame of mind and look at the situation causing you anxiety from a different perspective, one that doesn't cause you anxiety. I know it's much easier said than done, but it really depends on how you look at the situation.

The root of social anxiety, at least or me, is the belief that others are judging me. You have to realize you are not being judged in the great detail you thought you were. You're not judged by others if you say a word a certain way, or use a certain gesture, because people don't really care. You will not be looked upon negatively if you make a social mistake, or say something a certain way.

It's the best advice I can give you, even though it's so hard to put into action.

I'm struggling through social anxiety myself and I'm still improving but the b***h about it is that you never really know when the valleys and peaks will hit ya. You cannot expect to have immediate results since it takes months and years to see progress. Also don't try to tackle everything at once, take it one step at a time.

Tackling everything at once is the biggest problem. It is the reason you get caught up in coming up with as many what-ifs as possible. It is also the reason you have the desire to chase a magic solution that makes everything come together. Truth is, nothing really falls together just cuz of one big thing. Rome was built brick by brick, not building by building. No s**t right? Well it's a matter of what your focus is on. By breaking things down to smaller steps, you see things from a more tangible perspective rather than some vague distant perspective.

Also, you need to see the bigger purpose behind your happiness. You can't just expose yourself to social situations in the vague and desperate hope that you'll overcome it someday. Purpose is something specific and meaningful, not some vague wishy-washy hope. As the Marines say, pain is weakness leaving your body. The more you expose yourself to it, the less stronger it becomes. There's a catch though. You must not only initiate the change in your mentality, but consistently ingrain it into your head. Basically you need to consciously get it through your head until it becomes second nature.

Don't mistake your reaction to the situation as the only way you can react. Your knee jerk response is very regressive and reverts back to your old pattern of thought. It doesn't mean the s**t has hit the fan, it just means you need to remember what your focus needs to be on.

I hope everything works out for you and I'm sorry you have to suffer from this BS. It truly is torture. But I've improved big time and I'm still improving. So I'm only sharing what has consistently worked for me, I can't tell you how to fully overcome it.