My Relationship Just Ended

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And I'm needing help dealing with it.

To start, the relationship was pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. It was what made days happy, it made me feel complete, it made me feel like I had a reason and a purpose to keep going. I miss her insanely and it's only been ten hours and 34 minutes.

The issue primarily dealt with communication, I think. I was too blunt: so much so that it made it impossible to deal with problems. It's something I've learned how to change, but it was at the last second, and in the last few days of the relationship.

I'm not doing very well coping with it. I feel sick to my stomach following the break up. All I want is to get back together: I feel like a lot of the reasons, from what I was told, that we broke up (a lack of money and difficulty communicating) were things that could be dealt with (I just got a job, and I learned to communicate better even if it was too late by the time I did) and that I lost something very precious due to things that were both in and out of my control.

I don't feel like there's anyone else for me. I really hate to be "that guy" that broods a lot after breaking up, but I really can't get over this. Few things make me happy right now (I know I shouldn't expect happiness since the break up had just happened) but I just don't feel like I'll find someone like her ever again.

I say this for a reason: most people her age aren't as intelligent, caring, or understanding as she was. She really was a gem and something special.

I talked to her, and neither of us excluded a possibility of getting back together in the future: we even acknowledged it as a possibility. But I feel like it has to be the only possibility. Right now I want to show her how much I care. I want to show her that I am capable of communicating properly, and that I am capable of resolving the issues with her in the relationship.

I just need her to invite me back to get that chance again. I need that opportunity to show her what I can do again. Even though it's only been seven months that we've been together, I feel like I lost somebody I've known forever, somebody that I connected with on a level beyond what normal people did. I felt like I found my better half: a light that shone in the darkness, a darkness filled with disappointing peers, let down expectations, and torment and pain. She was the frosting on my cinnamon bun, she was the person I wanted to be with forever, and I'm devastated that I lost her.

I want nothing more than to hold her as close to me as possible again, to feel her soft skin, look into her eyes again, and tell her I love her. Because even though we're broken up, I do still love her a lot. I don't think I'll stop loving her at all, and if I do, it'll take an extremely long time.

I remembered writing poems and loving messages to her randomly. When we first got together, I was insanely happy. I had interest in her for a long time beforehand, and all I wanted was her to care for me to. So of course when she returned the feelings, I felt fulfilled.

I remember one time being with her at her school, holding her close and talking to her about some things we experienced in the past, and one of those was the prom we both went to. We weren't together at the time, but I still remember it: she looked gorgeous in a black dress that covered her body and left her arms bare. She was just... amazing. Beyond description.

Somewhere though, I did get complacent. I lost the true value of what things were because I didn't ever think of a world without her. Now that I'm living in it... it's a world I wouldn't wish upon anyone else.

I wish she would give me one last chance, so I could show her everything that she's worth. Everything.

We had issues with money for a while. It would be changing soon: since I'm getting a Job soon that pays really well. She wanted to see me a lot more, and I couldn't work it in. She offered to see me again before we hung out, but I turned it down. I got so scared of our failing communication: that it would lead to her getting hurt, that she would start crying, and I hate her crying because I know it makes her sad. It makes her really sad. I just can't stand to see her in any kind of pain, so I want to avoid it at all costs.

I instead decided to have our talk through a different medium and... it was the last straw. She said that the communication method was just too much. She said that it was the last little bit and... I realized how badly at that point I had messed up. But it was too late. I had already lost her. She wanted to break up. She didn't want to be in the middle point where she felt like she was half in a relationship, half not in one. I want to make her feel like she's in one again. I want tom ake her feel like she's the most precious, valuable and important thing in the world because I've realized what I'm going and what I've done wrong.

I just need one more chance. Just one.

I am really sorry . ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) I dont really know what to write.

I know exactly how you feel.

My best advice is to tell you not to contact her too often and dont beg her to take you back (it will have the reverse effect). The best thing to do is to work on yourself and try and make yourself happy as that way you are more likely to look attractive to her and make her have second thoughts (rather than being miserable and letting yourself go which will put her off more).

I found these helpful
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Ex-Back
http://howtowinherback.com/
http://www.howtowinherback.org/

and these books
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Mend-Your-B ... 0593055772
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Heal-Move-Seven ... 303&sr=1-6

good luck I wish you well and hope it works out for you.

If she is the one, as you seem to feel she is, and a connection exists between you that, as you suggested, goes beyond human understanding, then I am fairly sure that you will end up back together at some point or other. Maybe you both needed time apart to move forwards, resolve the things that were causing problems, and to evolve as individuals. It will not do any good to dwell, as hard as it might be to stop doing that. Use the time to focus on yourself, let her know (if you still have some means of communication), that you still feel for her and hope that one day you might be able to get back together when you have both had time, and treasure the positive memories. I think most people go through a sort of grieving process after a breakup, but this can often be because they got so used to having that person around. Genuine love doesn't need the physical presence of the person, in my opinion, it always connects you, even if you are apart, but that is my view on things and I know many here will probably view that as a bit 'airy fairy'.

Just keep faith and trust, don't dwell on the most negative possibilities, and keep some small contact, if only to let her know you think about her.
If she feels as you do, I am sure you wont be apart forever. And if you do not come back together, then you will have to accept it as not being the right one, and turn the corner. So many people dwell on past relationships, that they have their eyes closed when the opportunity for perhaps a better one comes along. Time is too short and too precious to pass it wrapped up in regrets and what ifs, if you don't mind my saying...of course it can be hard to think that way when you are in the midst of the emotions experienced when someone who has been a physical part of your life is no longer there in that sense.

I agree with what Raven says also...focus on making yourself happy, loving yourself, working on yourself and doing the things that bring you contentment, as really, without those things in place, most relationships will meet a sorry end. You know where you need to improve from being in this relationship, so learn from that.

Hello..I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad. From the way that you write it is evident that you care very much for her. Does she know that you have AS? When we don't know..NTs tend to make a lot of assumptions based on behaviors that can be difficult for us to understand. She may think your communication difficulties are because you don't care very much about her or the relationship and have no idea that you actually care a lot and you are not unwilling to communicate with her, but just find it very difficult.

Since I don't know her, I can only make some assumptions, but one thing I can say is if you pretty much leave her alone she will continue to believe that you don't care very much about the breakup. I have seen that many people with AS appear very stoic, when they are in fact in quite a bit of pain. If she thinks the breakup was not really a big deal to you, and you are happily going about your life, because thats how she perceives the situation she will never think to invite you back.

I'm not suggesting you become a stalker, but I think a heartfelt email like the post you wrote here with a request to speak with her about the situation would be a good way to try to let her know what you would like to work your relationship out.

If you are too passive about this situation, chances are good she will think you are just fine with things. The fact that she mentioned that she is tired of being half in and half out of a relationship seems to indicate to me that perhaps when there was a conflict that you shutdown? If that is the case, perhaps acknowledging that was what happened and working on ways to reduce the shutdowns may help make her feel more comfortable.

For many of us, AS shutdowns are extremely difficult. However, if we are able to learn things that we may do that contribute to the shutdowns then we can work on our behavior as well.

I hope that things work out for the two of you!

I feel like a punk and that I might cry if I read that again

Seriously hope things work out for the two of you. Sounds like.. you really love her.

I spoke with her not too long ago. She said that she wanted space and time to think about some things, and that she didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment.

I can respect that. I will respect that, because it's what she wants. What she wants is really important to me.

I just need her to let me back in to show her that I learned what life was like without her, even if it was only for a short while, and that that life isn't worth living. I'm not going to hurt myself or anything like that, but this pales in comparison to the amazing days I had with her.

I remember really clearly my favorite thing I liked her to do with me. She would come into my bedroom while I was laying down on my stomach, just relaxing, and just fall down on top of me. And then when she was on top she'd put her arms around me and squeeze me really tight, like she was giving me the biggest hug in the world, and I would just be so happy and so content. She did all this because she loved me: because she loved hearing the little noises I'd make when I was squeezed, because she liked making me happy, and because she liked being with me.

She was really open minded too, very intelligent. She was the restraint to my chaos, the thing that made me feel like I had something to help keep me in control. She was the person I loved to be with, loved to cuddle with for hours on end, she was the first person I ever slept in the same bed with, and the feeling of waking up next to her with her face softened by the night and the cool air of my bedroom, feeling her soft skin and looking into her tired, green eyes that had a golden ring ever so beautifully on the center of each one.

And I'd see her smile while she was waking up slowly, caress her skin and watch her close them again only to move closer to me, hold me close, and fall back asleep as we both rested in each others' arms.

I hope she'll let me show her that I love her again. I hope she'll believe me when I say I've learned my mistakes, that I can communicate and understand her feelings and work with her. I don't know if i believe in God but... if he's hearing or I guess reading any of this, I really need a miracle.

You sent me an angel once, and now she's not with me anymore. Please send her back. Please give me back my heaven. I feel lost on this world without her.

I may have misunderstood what happened, but if you said "we're taking a break" she may have thought you meant taking a break from the relationship, not from dealing with what the specific issue was. I would interpret this as a way of breaking up with me.

If she feels like every time there is a relationship issue you will just want to take a break from her, not just the issue she will feel that the relationship is not consistent and this will likely cause her lots of stress.

That actually was what I had suggested. We weren't getting anywhere with discussing the problem, so I thought it would help to just relax and focus on ourselves for a bit instead of continue to add stress to our problems.

But now that I know we'd be able to solve our problems without too much difficulty, it's too late

Day 3 of the break up. It still feels like day one.

I woke up this morning really early because I had to contact my boss to learn if the background check went through. Sadly, he hadn't received it: I now have to wait until Monday.

I went back to slept and dreamed about her. We were at another party, just talking to all our friends, when she came up to me and started to talk like...

like she would have if we were still together. She started to say I Love You again, there was the occasional flirting (only while we were alone, of course. I was fine with this) and then she came over and grabbed my arm while I held her really close to me.

I could smell her hair really easily, and felt totally at peace. And this was all my dream was, until I woke up: me holding her really close, and just caring about her as much as I could.

I woke up, sad and alone still. I thought about how I might not ever get to hold her like I used to be able to.

I thought about how this will all probably lead to me losing most of my friends in a "division" sort of incident. You know, where nobody wants to cause a problem because inviting both could have that "awkward" feel, so you're just left out completely.

That's probably what will happen. And I don't mean that as in, 'oh god I'm doomed this is all over' I mean that in that it's already happening. I wasn't invited to a hanging out session recently. Granted I was doing something else, but the people who did invites for it didn't know that. They were just... not wanting me along for the ride.

I feel like my life is slowly starting to fall apart. I only have myself to rely on again, it seems. And I don't want that. I want to rely on her again. I want to cry into her shoulder, like I never did before. I want to sleep right next to her again, relaxed and at peace. I want to hear her cute laugh again, and watch her make little deer eyes when she's embarrassed.

I just have to keep on praying she'll come back to me. I really, really hope she will.

I love you. I know I said I wouldn't say it again, but... I have to. At least here. I love you my green eyed angel. I hope you still love me too, deep down in your heart. I have a feeling you do.

I wish someone loved me like that.

I really hope she comes back to you.

I feel alone. Really alone.

My friends are choosing to talk and hang out with her instead of talking with me at all. I feel isolated. Every attempt to talk to my best friends just... fails. They're already talking to her and don't want me anywhere in on the conversation.

This just keeps getting worse and worse. I could deal with this easier if I had my friends to support me but...

I don't. I don't feel like I have anyone to support me. I don't feel like I am in touch with anyone else.

I'm starting to think that most people would be happy if I was just... non-existent. Not in that like, I bring people grief. But they wouldn't have to be bothered by me anymore.

They clearly don't want to be bothered now. I haven't talked to my friends or done anything with them since the break up. I haven't played games with any of them. I haven't hung out with any of them. And I don't think I will for a long, long time.

I feel empty inside. I feel abandoned and alone. I feel like a husk of the person I was. My best friends J and C just... don't want to be around me.

My friend G will always have her back. I expected that. But even the loss of him as friend just... hurts too much.

I feel like I've lost everyone but a few people, and even then... even then they aren't able to be there for me when I really need it.

I don't want to turn inward again. I don't want to give up on people: I loved people for so long. I cared about them so much I just... I can't stand to lose them. I put myself out there, I help when I can, I give advice when I can, I try to make people feel good and all they did was abandon me when I needed them a lot.

None of them care. None of them want to see me happy.

I just have to accept that, I think.

I'm going to have to build up a new social life, because one of the repercussions of me and her breaking up was her friends picking sides, and everyone wants to side with her.

What did I do wrong? Why is it even my closest friends don't care about me enough to want me around? Nobody's tried to contact me, and I've tried to contact them all a lot.

I just want to feel like people want me. I want things to go back to normal. But they won't be going back to normal.

I really, really am unhappy. This isn't right. It's not right that all my friends are just... "gone" now.

I'm inches away from deactivating my facebook. From just saying "screw it all" because every little thing just... hurts.

Every time I see her face smiling I die a bit inside, because I can't tell her how much I love that smile.

Every time I see her with other people having fun, I feel sad because I'm not having fun with her.

Every time I see my friends online now, I don't even bother to try to talk to them. There's absolutely no point.

I just give up. I lost. The aftermath of the break up was too much for me. It broke my once fiery spirit, and I feel as alone as I did three years ago.

Only this time... it's just more hopeless.

No. No, I can't give up.

I might not have my friends to back me up right now. I might not have my girlfriend, but I'll never give up the will to keep going.

Once I let go, once I stop fighting. Once I've really, truly given up, I'm done.

But I'm not there yet. No. There's still the embers of a once strong person left inside me.

It hurts that she's gone. I have to accept that hurt.

It hurts that my friends aren't here to help me out. It hurts that I lost them to all this.

But goddamn it, I've struggled my entire life to survive. If I've learned one thing it's that no matter how hard things get, no matter what stands in your way, you just have to keep going.

You have to keep fighting. You have to keep moving forward. You have to keep changing and evolving as a person.

I'll find a way.

I will find some way to show you I still love you.

Whether that be waiting for you to come back to me.

Whether it's doing something great to show you what you mean to me.

I won't give up on us. I won't give up on you. and because of what you've done for me, I won't give up on me.

I hope you'll see this with time. We had problems, but we were good together. You want your space: it's yours. Come back to me if the nights wishing we were together come back to you, like they're with me from the moment we were done.

I'll be waiting. I love you, my green eyed angel.

Sincerely,

Vince

PS: I know you'll read this.

I was hurt at first when I saw you could see what I was posting.

Lets meet in person sometime, and talk about this. Whenever you feel comfortable.