Witnessing child abuse

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This summer I may have to travel to France again to visit my family. But the thing is that when I'm over there I always get so incredibly depressed and I just hate being there. The reason is that both my grand-parents and my uncle and aunt are very abusive towards my little cousins. Not only do they beat them (which is actually completly legal over there), they also call them stupid and idiots and point out how "stupid" and "worthless" they are everytime they do something bad. I understand that you have to discipline your kids and all that, but do you really have to beat them untill they almost pass out and call them worthless? Both my little cousin seem deeply unhappy and especially the little one who is six years old and is clearly an aspie. He's very sensitive and he seems to suffer much more from the abuse than most kids in his situation. He's also very intelligent, but he has poor social skills. Often when he gets beaten, it's because of his poor social skills and because he doesn't seem to understand that he did a social faux-pas. He reminds me a lot of myself when I was a kid and I suffered abuse like that too, but not nearly as much. I also got called stupid and similar things growing up and got beaten. I'm afraid that he will turn out like me when he grows up: chronicly depressed and with anger issues. I know the abuse goes on even when I'm not there to witness it, but when I'm away I'm not constantly reminded of it. I know it's selfish to just want to forget about it, but there is nothing at all I can do to stop it. It's legal over there to beat you children with an open hand even if your kid is just two years old and you hit them twenty times in a row. There are no laws either against being mentally and verbally abusive towards children.
I don't want to visit my family in France, but I have too. If I don't, they will just keep calling me and make me feel like a bad relative. My hope is that I won't be able to get any free days from work so that I can't come visit.

Dunno, but it seems to me that your own personal integrity and well-being is far more important than being thought of as a "good relative". (Who cares anyway?) It looks like they're trying to guilt-trip and manipulate you into visiting them.

I don't visit my relatives at either, and they're not even half as abusive as those you described above. Poor kids.

sounds like my family. i dont think theres any sanity allowed for us. we just have to struggle through and stay positive.

I wouldn't want to go, either. I thought that sensless child abuse was becoming a thing of the past. It will always keep happening, and that's what breaks my heart. No child should have to go through that. I feel lucky to be living in Canada. Is there any way that you can get out of it? Perhaps you can tell your boss that you don't want to go on vacation, this summer.

ever since I had my 6 year old, I have avoided my family like the black plague..... they call me a terrible parent, but having the happiest, healthiest kid I have ever known, proves them wrong...

If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

My only solution is having NOTHING to do with them...

Kiran, I think you may have been mislead by your family in France.

http://www.loc.gov/law/help/child-rights/france.php
http://www.unicef.org/crc/

How do your aunt and uncle treat you? I have a harder time standing up to someone who's being nice to me, it's definitely more of a challenge.

First of all, while "spanking" is probably still legal in France, as it sadly is in other European countries, what you describe is much more serious abuse and I really doubt it's legal. What I think you should do is find someone to file a report to the Social Services, it's absolutely appalling to have this going on.

Assuming you try and there's really nothing you can do, please stop seeing these people. Are you afraid of being considered a "bad relative" by a bunch of child abusers?

Don't get me wrong, I feel for you as I've been in your position I ended up telling my own relatives that even if I can't put them in jail where they belong I refuse to have anything to do with monsters like them. My heart breaks for those poor kids but if you can't help at least don't torture yourself by witnessing it and re-living your own childhood, you don't deserve it.

I am so sorry you're going through this, I wish you find some strength and peace soon.

Seriously child abuse can f**k them up. They may never learn to trust, love, or form relationships when they get older because of the fear and abuse they experienced as children. I suggest you talk to their parents and tell them that they should seriously stop verbally and physically abusing their children or else they'll turn out f****d up!

Child abuse is a serious problem and it can lead to depression, anxiety, and stress. I think like 84% of all prison inmates were abused as children.