8am and still living yesterday

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Anyone else get insomnia this bad? My worse days I see the sunrise, but here it is 8am. Had my last caffeine (soda) at 8pm, been sitting with my eyes closed with netflix on for 4 hours. This is the only way I can sleep because silence sends me off all over the place.

Several nights now I can't stop thinking about my SSI appointment evaluation 6 months ago and how bad I was screwed and humiliated by that beady little man. They wouldn't let me get another evaluation until now, I can't afford a psych on my own. I can't wait till I'm done with SSI, either I get it with this months appointments or I can't continue. It's too stressful to have that hope of financial relief dangling in my face.

I'm severely underweight from migraines and bad eating routines I get from them, but I can't afford a high calorie diet of the food I need to gain weight. Many foods are migraine triggers so it's not easy or cheap. I get the type with aura and visual disturbances lasting several days of puking and pain that barely allows me to get to the bathroom.

I'm tired of borrowing a vehicle. I've had my own car and insurance since I was 16 and now I'm useless. Nowhere to go anyway. I've been everywhere a tank of gas will get me, I used to travel a lot. I can't deal with people anymore. I don't like being a drain on others, I'm not even comfortable with SSI. I don't have any options right now.

Everything is just bad. No real friends anymore. I've lost the part of me that turned my weaknesses into strength, because it was never real. I studied everything in detail and wrote a character I could play in. I kept pretending because I expected around the corner something real would happen. I'm a ghost.

In typical haven fashion, it would be so much easier to go to a sporting goods store and buy something that makes bullets explode; and go hunting for the top of my skull in the woods somewhere. But I know I have a little time left. I wish I had more, but I've already made it further than I ever thought I would.

All I can tell you is that sleep is an ABSOLUTE DISASTER among people with ASD and you're not alone with this.

The problems we have are not well-researched and poorly misunderstood. But I'm assuming you have the same issues I do of not being able to "shut off." Whereas an NT will start to feel "sleepy" at, say, 10 PM or so, we just go on... and on... and on.

I've tried to use it to my advantage. I work on movie productions and frequently have to be on set at 3 AM or even earlier. Sometimes I'll work my day job the day before and go right to set. No one else I know can do this, but I make mad money when I do...

There is something seriously wrong with our hardwiring that causes seriously disrupted circadian rhythms. I really wish someone would do some serious research on it because it has caused me and many others on this forum to engage in substance abuse when they otherwise never would.

I suggest seeing a doctor and telling him or her the problems you are having sleeping. Prescription sleep aids can help. If you don't do something to tackle this problem you are at a very high risk for developing a substance abuse problem as you desperately crave a basic bodily need. A lot of people out there will say "sleeping pills aren't the answer"... well... to them I say, try walking in our shoes for a week, or a month, or years on end... end up tired and weak all the time... and then come back and say that again...

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Without sleeping pills I was not getting to sleep until 5, or 6am most nights, sometimes going on to 10am without any sleep. It leaves you feeling completely out of touch with reality. It can lead to all kinds of problems, mania, psychosis, suicidal feelings, as well as more basic problems with functioning in the world.
I really believe I wouldn't be alive without the pills I take. I tried quite a few before I found quetiapine, which although it has a bad reputation for side effects, has meant I get 7 hours of sleep now. Which is amazing.
Maybe its something that you could think about, it might make your life more bearable?

I don't have insurance and couldn't afford gas to get to a doctor in a borrowed vehicle at this moment. Let alone pay a doctor, and buy medicine.

I am kinda worried though, I don't handle any medication well. I was called at 3am one night to comfort a friend who was tripping out on Ambien after taking a normal dose to sleep. So that steered me away from sleep meds. I don't like being drowsy, or medicated, it freaks me out. I don't drink either because of the similar feeling.

Marijuana actually works for me, but I can't get it legaly yet because I don't deal with doctors well, and don't have money. It has to be a pure Indica strain, and street dealers don't know what they have. It's a shame that this plant has fallen into that crowd. Other strains can cause me extra anxiety. So i haven't smoke in a year and have only smoked occasionally in my life.

I've been wanting to try a melatonin and tryptophan regimen though.

When I was younger I would just stay up all night if I had to because I was sure to crash the next night. But now if I don't get enough sleep I can hardly function and risk getting a migraine.

I was mostly curious if this is an ASD thing or not. It happens when I'm very into a project, I can NOT stop thinking about it in great depth and detail. I will think at great lengths and design or discover something new, and feed off that. Even though I am trying to put it out of my head. That's when I'm doing well. When things are bad, I can't stop thinking about why things are so bad and discover more and more why I should start digging my grave. Sounds bi-polar but its only a reflection of my surroundings. Oh, and if I know I have to do something early in the day, I will never sleep because I will be worrying I won't get enough sleep. .....

I will put one foot into a dreamlike state but I will be fully awake. It's easy to bounce back and forth for hours. That's why I try to follow a TV show or Movie I have seen a few times, so I can follow the storyline with only audio until it lulls me away. There's a downside though, it can't be a new show, and it can't be one I've seen TOO MANY times. And it can't be too funny or depressing. It's tough to keep an endless cycle of perfect input just to sleep.

Last night I had Trailer Park Boys on. The rocket episode. I was looking into the sandmans eyes when I heard, "does it launch?".. "Does it launch?!" "Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock?". Laughed my ass off. Awake another hour.

Even as a kid I used music and late night TV to sleep. I watched David Letterman awake, closed my eyes during MST3k, and tried to fall asleep before Star Trek. I think my goal was around 2-3am, and I woke up for school at 6. But a couple nights a week I would be exhausted and sleep early, to make up for the other days.

Sometimes when I try to sleep in silence, like when I have girls over, I get close to sleep... but then I start hearing music. The most engaging classical music I've ever heard created in my head, a full symphony. I don't play traditional instruments, and I don't listen to classical music (I like some though), yet I create it. It sounds very real and loud. So there's another reason why I never sleep. Yay.