Am I narcissistic?

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I am terribly afraid that I either am becoming or are narcissistic. Do I come across as narcissistic? Please be honest with me, completely honest. I fear this more than anything, because I don't want to be a narcissistic person, I don't want to be closed off to others and unlikeable. I don't want to seem full of myself, or vain.

I'm really afraid of becoming narcissistic because I tend to believe everything that is said to me (extreme literalness) - so when people compliment me I believe the compliment, and I feel I am complimented too often, and I have to try and rethink later to remind myself that not all compliments are real so as to keep having a realistic view of myself, but I feel too many compliments are shifting my self perspective in a negative narcissistic direction. Because of this I feel like I s**t constantly between loving myself and loathing myself.

Am I right to be concerned about this? Does anyone else experience this like I do? Does anyone know how to stop this?

You don't come across as narcissistic to me, but that doesn't mean much.

I tend to either believe all compliments or believe none of them. I suppose it's that black/white thinking I keep reading about.

One thing I think that's important to remember is the distinction between ego (which all artists have to an extent) and narcissism. So tell me, are you speaking strictly of feeling pretty or is it deeper... a sense of accomplishment and a sort of quiet awe of things like your poetry or music?

I can tell you now, that you're not a narcissist. Why? Because a narcissist never questions if he/she is a narcissist!! !

The narcissist is always right, and if they do something wrong or make a mistake it's someone else fault and never theirs. I seriously doubt you have that trait. There was great link which explains what a narcissist really is. It's not filled with psychological jargon and it wasn't written by a psychologist or psychiatrist. If I can find the link again, I'll post it here and you will get a good understanding of what a narcissist really is.

I go through loving and loathing myself constantly, and it's not a n easy cycle to break free of. I think you most probably like me go have a hard time seeing good in yourself, despite it being there. That usually happens because if we see one fault/flaw we feel that all the good we have has been destroyed. A great example is a that of a list of 10questions and the subsequent answers. If all the answers are correct except one, we deem the test a failure, not realizing the test score of 90%. The 9 correct answers is of no good coz of the one wrong answer.

I think that a lot of folks sometimes have a very unrealistic view about having to be perfect all of the time. having that trait doesn't make anyone a narcissist.

looking forward to that link

A little bit is healthy.

Both... Sometimes (it's really embarrassing to admit it) I feel like I'm this bright talented person (makes me feel stupid just saying it) due to things people say to me - people (IRL) have said to me that I'm really vibrant. Then when I catch myself thinking these thoughts, I am reminded of all the negative qualities in myself, and I really hate myself for actually being convinced I am like that.

I don't understand... is it normal to feel this way... I feel like I get a lot more compliments than most people seem to... I'm not sure why this is... it seems wrong... it really messes me up. I wonder if this happens because I am tricking people somehow. If I am tricking people then I am false and I am a bad person for being this way. I think past self esteem issues make it difficult to think of myself overly positively, although I am able to stop thinking of myself only negatively.

Here's the link, I found it quite useful.

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html

As I said above, one or a few faults usually causes all our good traits to collapse in a heap even though the good traits outnumber the bad. It's down to self esteem and never being quite sure of your worth. So it's pretty much your perception of your self against the perception of others. Sometimes those perceptions don't match and we wonder why...

This.

Extreme narcissists never admit to themselves that they're harmfully wrong.

To be honest, I am unable to understand what you're struggling with here, but it's obvious that it's bothering you a lot. I think your best bet would be to see a qualified therapist for this.

I can pick up vibes, and you certainly don't give off that vibe. I know of a lot of aspies who are, both on and off this site; you aren't one of them.

Not everyone who's an a**hole with a big ego is a narcissist.

I'm aware of that.

You aren't a narcissist. If you want to find a narcissist, go in the PPR forum, and observe someone who can't concede anything. THAT's a narcissist. I'm half a narcissist, if there is such a thing. I'm always right, but at the same time, I can agree with someone else's point of view, concede the point, and have a civil discussion. Doesn't change the fact that I'm always right though. Whenever I'm wrong, I can say "I'm wrong" and all of a sudden I'm right again.

But anyway, if what you are describing is that you believe every opinion you have, that's not narcissism. If you didn't believe your opinion on something, it wouldn't be your opinion.

Narcissism can also be described as "superficial confidence" Are you extremely confident? And if so, what about? Are you prettier than everyone? Smarter? Better? Bigger boobs? More money? Hotter boyfriend? Is it easier for you to get laid? Are you the best there is when it comes to topics like religion and dating?

i don't think you are a narcissist.

i think that perhaps when people give you compliments, it artificially inflates your sense of self-worth and it results in a cognitive dissonance. you don't really believe those things, so it is quite easy to deflate yourself back down to a lowly state. however, neither state is really accurate or true to the person that you are. every person has their own balanced set of strengths and weaknesses, and believing yourself to be uniquely wonderful with your own package of traits (but not perfect) is a healthier approach.

it might be a good idea to reorient your beliefs about yourself so that it becomes less of a black and white situation. with my therapist, i do something called a Daily Mood Log, which helps to replace my negative self-thoughts with constructive thoughts. but there is an important aspect of this technique which i can illustrate by showing both the wrong way and the right way to reorient:


WRONG WAY:
negative: i am a bad employee
positive: i am the best employee ever. i do everything perfectly. i should win awards for my excellent work.

RIGHT WAY:
negative: i am a bad employee
positive: my yearly review pointed out that i am quite good maintaining customer satisfaction on average. i have some issues with time management, but i improved significantly since last quarter. my positive attitude is an asset to the company. i have been trustworthy and my boss allowed me to handle sensitive documents.


the 'right way' uses real, verifiable examples of how i am a decent, balanced employee. but the wrong way creates a falsely positive view of my actual skill level. i can never attain that positive. and i am fully aware of that, so telling myself such things will result in eventual failure. i simply cannot live up to that kind of expectation in my own head, much less in the real world. the 'right way' is sort of a way of proving to yourself that good things (but not exaggerated positives) are true.

i think it's important to remember that when people compliment others, they do not give balanced and realistic statements for the most part. usually a person will not say (random example), "your nose is quite interesting and your eyes have nice eyelashes even though they are a little short. the combination looks quite attractive and unique." instead people will just say, "OMG you are so beautiful!" i am not suggesting that people's opinions should be discounted at all, but it is important to maintain perspective and remember that you are worthwhile as a package with both your imperfections and assets.

If you're worried about the fact your s**t might stink, then no you're not a narcissist.

Thankyou everyone for your feedback. i_wanna_blue and Hyperlexian, I will try to take your advice on board. I think I may be experiencing cognitive dissonance (as the things people say to me don't seem to match my self image, so then my self image inflates to meet the things said, but then later it comes crashing down to earth and I hate myself for thinking so grandiosely about myself).

Mindslave, I do think things like that sometimes, and at the time I believe them, but then later I don't and hate myself for believing it at the time - if that makes sense.