Oh shut up!

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Someone asks you for advice so you give them the best advice you can think of. Then they spend the following days arguing with you about fixing their own problem that they wanted you to advise them on and creating a wild conspiracy theory about why you gave them the advice that you did. Why do they bother? Just shut up and leave people alone. I've been told many, many times over the years that I give great advice but I'm just tired of this junk. Forget it. I'm very sick of people today.

Try convincing someone with low self-esteem that he or she is an attractive human being.

In my own experiences, I have noticed that a good deal of the time that people ask me for advice there really after someone to listen to there problems.

Its there lost for dismissing your wisdom and at the same time its there choice to behave like fools!

This is what NTs mean when they say we are "too literal"--we expect them to mean what they say.

I very rarely bother to give advice nowadays, usually it's just the other person's cue to be rude and then get right back to creating their own suffering in the same way they were before soliciting my help.

I'm also afraid to give advice for that very reason. If people don't want my advice, than why do they ask me for it?

A stereotyped situation is that a man is supposedly wired to solve problems while his wife is wired to want emotional consolation. The wife talks to the man about a problem, and he's supposed to just listen and not try to solve the problem. If the wife could solve the problem on her own, she wouldn't need to talk to her husband. If the husband isn't supposed to outright solve the problem, then the one person who can solve the problem isn't going to. There's something absurd about that.

In general, don't give advice unless you're asked for it. I can't imagine that things would turn out any better if you were to give advice without being asked for it.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets frustrated when people ask for advice and then turn it on you for giving them what they asked for, even if you were very nice and unoffensive. Thanks everyone.

Yeah, I wasn't talking about anything like that. That's not giving advice, that's trying to change someone's view of themselves based on your view of them. That doesn't really work. Someone has to believe in themselves and change their own perception. Thinking that you can change their perception while criticizing them for being dependent on others for their self-worth is contradictory and it's obvious that such a flawed approach won't be successful.

I hear you. I also hate it when people ask me for advice and then it doesn't work for them so they expect me to give them more advice. Pisses me off. If my advice isn't good enough for you, stop asking and go bug someone else.

Well 2 things:
1. If I choose to give my advice I will and it does not matter too much to me what the person chooses to do with my advice, if they find it helpful cool if they don't find it helpful and debate me about it cool and I'll probably respond and try to maybe give more helpful advice so long as they don't attack me or something just for giving the advice.

2. Depending on ones mental state sometimes it can be amazingly hard to see any advice as helpful....I mean there have been times when I ask for advice(either online or irl) and then the advice just overwhelmes me even more so I might remain a bit skeptical and debate the advice.....maybe its a depression thing, but either way I cant speak for all who have this issue but I know I don't mean offense if I don't agree with advice given and debate against points made in the advice that seem unhelpful or maybe just to overwhemling to comprehend as helpful. Though sometimes I just don't ask for advice since I don't want to be 'bugging' anyone.

I love giving advice when people ask for it. I love trying to read the discomfort they show because of it (I think I way underestimate) . I love carrying on with the advice when they are trying to wriggle out of listening. And then I completely fail to give a crap when they make excuses for not wanting to give it even the slightest heed. And once again, my own personal amusement wins out over potential social integration. Ho hum.

It's good hearing other peoples viewpoints, different perspectives, I have a very narrow way of solving things, if there is a new variable, I want to hear it and work with it. Your view is valued always, to the non posters also. ( Yes true I am a male and want to fix things ).

I've always been better at giving advice than receiving it.

I couldn't agree more. Often people ask for advice when they need alternative opinions. They may seek advice from several sources to gain different viewpoints and build options. I feel honored when that someone may think highly enough of me to seek my opinion. We are all different, and what might be the best solution to one may not be the best solution for someone else. So I would not be offended if my advice was not followed.

Rationale aside; I am AS and so have a more than a little difficulty in understanding others' viewpoints, particularly if I can see a black and white solution staring them in the face. Before I realized I had AS, this used to make me frustrated at times. I can now respect their alternative viewpoint even if I don't fully understand their reasoning.

I also have difficulty recognising when my advice is being sought (and trying to fix things) and when I am expected just to listen. I don't know how to fix myself in this respect and open to advice... (Seeking opinion only. I may not necessarlily take any advice given.)

I couldn't agree more. Often people ask for advice when they need alternative opinions. They may seek advice from several sources to gain different viewpoints and build options. I feel honored when that someone may think highly enough of me to seek my opinion. We are all different, and what might be the best solution to one may not be the best solution for someone else. So I would not be offended if my advice was not followed.

Rationale aside; I am AS and so have a more than a little difficulty in understanding others' viewpoints, particularly if I can see a black and white solution staring them in the face. Before I realized I had AS, this used to make me frustrated at times. I can now respect their alternative viewpoint even if I don't fully understand their reasoning.

I also have difficulty recognising when my advice is being sought (and trying to fix things) and when I am expected just to listen. I don't know how to fix myself in this respect and open to advice... (Seeking opinion only. I may not necessarlily take any advice given.)

What I have found helps in giving advice is to frame it as a question as to what would work best for the other person. For example, if A asks "Should I buy the orange shirt or the green shirt" I might reply "What does the color orange make you feel and what does green make you feel?" Their answer might lead to another question or it might make them aware of the choice that works best for them.

The idea is that the person needs to come to their own solution to the problem and really when they are asking for advice, they are exploring potential solutions. Asking questions of them can help them understand the key questions they are struggling with. I might offer my suggestion as to what I think would work for them, but I think most people appreciate it when I ask questions because it helps them clarify the problem for themselves and allows them to solve the problem in a way that fits their personalities and their lives.

Alternatively, as I am doing here, I might discuss things that have worked for me, but I don't suggest that they do what I do... I just offer my story as information they might use or discard as needed.