Why I like therapy now

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I didn't really appreciate therapy before. It was tedious because I had to articulate everything that I'd already analyzed in great detail. It was like redoing a calculus problem you hate while explaining it to a first grader. Until I got my new therapist.

She doesn't sit behind her desk. She sits in a comfy chair next to my comfy chair. There's an additional chair off to the left that has a multi-colored afghan on it. My gaze kept returning to the afghan. Finally, she said, "Is there something about the blanket that you want to mention?"

I said, and I'll paraphrase...

You see, normally, I'd tell you that it reminds me of my grandmother because my grandmother used to knit and I was just remembering her and how I used to wrap myself up in her blankets when I'd visit her. But, that's BS. I make up explanations like that so you won't think I'm weird. Plus, the story makes me relate-able because I love my grandma and that's a good thing. You feel good because something you have gave me a good feeling. It all works out and you don't end up hating me because I'm weird. The truth is that I keep looking at the blanket because that row of green is a different shade than the green used for the trim. That's distracting.

She wrote something on her legal pad and we moved on.

Nowhere in real life can I be that honest with someone.

I had a therapist like that. It was so comforting to go to her sessions, because I could be myself.

It's intimidating to really be yourself. After so many years of developing habits and behavior to fake normalcy, it's weird to sit in front of someone and just be who you really are. You still don't really know this person, and the moments right before stepping into the office and moments right after stepping out of it, are public where you have to seem normal again. It's awkward to make that switch. I've found that explaining my process to seem normal before I give her my honest response helps me... and I'm sure it also helps her understand what's really going through my head. If I kept up the compensation to appear normal, she'd be like other counselors and just assume I am normal. That wouldn't be helpful.

As someone who as had experience of sitting both comfy chairs of therapy, I know that social knowledge of a therapist can get into the way of one's self development. One role of a therapist is be a metaphorical mirror for self reflection, as therapy sessions are there for your own discovery thats one of the many reasons why therapist avoid social relationships with there clients, the other reasons are down to the abuses of trust in the client-therapist working/professional relationship when both client and therapist have a social relationship.

Wefunction here's my definition of normal: