Scared. Always.

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I just got out of the hospital. I had a hard time there. Different hospital than usual. My brother is so annoying its hard to concentrate. My mom thinks they released me too early. They are in the walls. I have been hearing things lately. Everything is great in the world. World peace even though world war 3 is near. Someone predicted the end today. Nope wrong again he said it in 1994. I heard them say, "I will kill you!" Laughing in the background. What is so funny I will never know. Logical machine. That is me. My blood pressure and pulse has been high. Crying all day long. My brain is what now? Can't figure it out. Schizoaffective diagnosis is the wrong one. I destroyed a planet they told me this by thought insertion. I have been writing about the Power of Influence for years now. Now is the time to think. I own a pet bird who is more delusional than the typical schizophrenic. he is absolutely adorable. Snakes slither through my itchy hair. My face as well. I don't go on Facebook. Not Twitter either just for the news called "breakingnews." I am scared. I thought broadcast. They say its on the radio but the only thoughts I want people to know is the ones I write right here right now. I hope my computer doesn't crash right now. It freezes constantly. Can't say if I am depressed or happy. I haven't been interested in the stuff I used to be. I sleep between 2-14 hours a day. Always tired. I used to go to school. My brother's company is a massive failure but luckily I sold an original picture. I made $530!! !! My memory has been so bad that I don't know what day it is half the time thank god for watches with dates. Absolutely empty. Loud thoughts broadcasting. I am sorry for bringing you down.

Congratulations on the selling FireBird.
Was it a picture of yours, one that you made yourself?

I drew it myself. It was of an eagle and another of penguins.

FireBird,

I have a few questions for you:

Do you have schizophrenia?

Has anything ever helped when you felt bad like this before?

Have you been prescribed any of these medicines?

* Risperidone (Risperdal)
* Olanzapine (Zyprexa)
* Quetiapine (Seroquel)
* Ziprasidone (Geodon)
* Aripiprazole (Abilify)
* Paliperidone (Invega).

(I have been prescribed all but Invega for other uses.)

If you tried them, did they help?

Does your therapist help if you have one?

I'm really sorry you feel so scared and lost.

I have schizoaffective disorder which is basically schizophrenia and a mood disorder combined. I have had side effects to the meds you listed. I am currently taking the stupid anti psychotic called "Loxapine." I believe anti psychotics are poison. I would NEVER take Zyprexa. It causes 100 pound weight gain. I am already fat. I was just at the hospital. Some meds help for awhile and then stop. I have been hearing things. Sometimes just staring off into space with thoughts from the outside. Its getting late. Already past 1 pm. Been up since 6 am. Didn't sleep well last night. Sleep????? I either sleep 2 or 14 hours. I don't believe I am psychotic though. I am a realist. Realists can't be psychotic since their thoughts are based in reality. I have a therapist. I see her once a week. There is a week that I don't see her though because she has this thingy she goes to. Some meeting or something like that. I also go to NAMI meetings. They are on Thursdays. I am tired. Scared like usual. Thank you for replying. I like replies. They calm me down sometimes if they aren't hurtful attacks. I have been attacked many times on websites such as this. Yes. 2009 was horrible.

Sorry you're feeling scared FireBird. Yes, being attacked on a support site isn't a great feeling. I hope things get better for you.