Anxiety prevents me from changing/improving myself

Post Reply New Topic

I never have intimate conversations with anyone offline. I never been close with my family. I'm private, secretive & no one offline has ever been really close to me. I have OCD, OCPD & other anxiety issues & I was officially diagnosed with Schizoid Personality disorder instead of AS in-case that might be relevant here. Anyways there are changes in my life that I should make to become a better person but I won't make em because I don't want my family or anyone else to know that I am changing & trying to improve myself. I'll give an example; I haven't told my parents I've been working out lately & I've only been going walk when they aren't' home. There are times in certain situations where I want to act different than how I usually am because I know I would be better off if I was but I don't act differently because I don't want to do anything that's uncharacteristic of me. I'm not one who cares what others think of me & logically I know that nothing bad or negative at all will happen by family & others knowing but that still prevents me from making changes. I think it would be easier for me to change & improve if I was in a different environment & cut my family & everyone else who knows me offline out of my life completely. There's something like an anxiety mental block preventing me & I don't know how to remove it & I don't even understand why it's there in the 1st place. It's been there for a seemingly very long time(maybe most of my life even) & just sort of accepted it because that's all I can do.

Getting on antidepressants has made me much more prone to opening up to people and forming "connections". I'm not sure what use this piece of information might be to you but there it is!

I'm glad they helped you out but it's not like that for me. I spent 5years on anti-depressants & other meds & I'm a lot better off without em rite now. I'm not depressed or feel regular anxiety thou I do still have moments where that comes. It's not so much lack of connections & being closed off that is my problem; I've been that way most all my life & I do desire one person to be close to but that's about it. My problem is that I cant change from the way I usually am with & around others even if it won't involve them at all. If it is related to anxiety; it's very deep rooted instead of near the surface

Oh, I see. I know exactly what you mean. I've found the further I get from home, when I won't see anyone from my "usual life," the freer I feel to "act uncharacteristically" (which is probably not acting uncharacteristically at all, it's just that I've built up a too-rigid definition of myself over the years and feel I'm being "false" if I stray from it). Any chance getting away from your regular environment might be possible and/or help?

I have similar issues I think. I'm too far in my comfort zone usually to try and change myself for anyone and really hate being forced out of it.

People sometimes expect me to respond to a joke the same way they would or expect me to talk about a subject that bares me no interest whatsoever. I think even exercising--even if you have to do it when no one is around, is still a form of improving yourself tho and even small things like that no matter the unusual way of doing them is a step in the right direction. Its "something" at least.

I am diagnosed same as you amongst other things and i could relate. I have so much anxiety and it prevents me from doing lots of things. I am like a hermit crab in my shell not wanting to be around anyone, i quit school and i am not able to go to classes to get my GED at least i know i have to but havent got myself to go and do it. I am on antidepressants and anti-anxety meds but it doesn't make a difference for me at least as of now.

it sounds to me like you're afraid of feeling vulnerable, and that you have some trust issues.

it sounds to me like you're afraid of feeling vulnerable, and that you have some trust issues.