Give me tolerance, but...

Post Reply New Topic

I want to be more tolerant. I find I get annoyed with people whose minds are very different to mine. I don't like that. How do I shut off the judging part of my mind? I want to be able to really empathise with a wider range of people.

At the same time, I don't want to be pushed around. I want to understand people but not have their wills take over mine. Some people don't care if you understand them, just if you do what they want. Some people only want to be understood; I'm one of those people. I want to understand, as well.

I've developed this prejudiced mind as a defence mechanism. How do you become open but resilient?

You have judgment for a reason. If everything you know about a person or groups indicates that they are idiots ad full of crap, it's not wise to try and rationalize how you can see things from their perspective, and this start putting up with idiocy and crap. There's an old saying, "be careful not to be so open minded that your brain falls out".

If you don't want to be pushed around, trying to be more tolerant of those intolerant of you will just make you more vulnerable. You might as well sew a kick me sign on your back. I'm not saying never try and build bridges with people, just do so only with individuals that you have reason to believe are safe to do so rather than with large or even whole demographic groups.

You did not develop a prejudiced mind, you were right to be defensive. It sounds to me like you are under pressure from those around you to conform to their notion of "tolerance" when that doesn't even benefit them either. Society is not your friend and you will need your defenses up around most people but allow them in sometimes. In time, you will likely come to see the double standards in the modern notion of "tolerance".

I've become very defensive against people trying to get me to adopt a different set of values/attitude. I've realised that not everyone who thinks completely different to me is trying to force their ideas on me. Some people are just different to me. This is a massive revelation!

But yeah, you shouldn't tolerate people who won't tolerate you. Repay intolerance with likewise?

this is an interesting question, and one i haven't thought about before. i have tended to be judgemental and intolerant in the past, but mostly if i felt threatened by someone else's perspective. in having a simple disagreement about ideas, i have sometimes gotten quite physically worked up and angry that someone is opposing me, as i have seen opposition as an attack sometimes.

i am not sure how to change this way of thinking, or even if changing it is a good idea. but you have me thinking, now.

Yes, I like that. You kind of take a medium step and see if someone is like this.

And some people are scientifically oriented, some people aren't. Some people have an approach (?), an intellect (?), where complex music makes sense to them. Some people don't.

--------------------

And I like the saying from business consulting: MIWJ. which means 'Minimize Interaction With Jerks.' I sometimes rewrite it as 'Reduce Interaction With Jackasses.' yeah, a little bit heightened with a little PG profanity, and also reminding myself that 'minimizing' is a perfectionist deal, and I tend not to do well with these. Reducing is plenty good enough.