Forced to knuckle under again...

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RANT. Not a lot in here makes sense, I know that. Don't chastise me for it.

Well, I had an OkCupid account. I was going to meet someone, I told my mother where I was going to be and she and my brother freaked out on me and pretty much guilted me into closing my account. I may as well close it, they'll never let me meet anyone from there as long as I live at home. Everyone on the internet is a rapist, apparently. Yeah. So does that make me a rapist too? Anyway...I am going to be alone until I am a good enough person to move out. This will take forever.

Guys on the internet are the only ones willing to give me a chance. Is it because they can't meet anyone in real life that they're so desparate to give a s**thead like me a chance? Is it just because I have a vagina and they'll take anything they can get? Would these guys give me a second look if they hadn't seen me on a dating site? Probably not. There would be a much prettier girl that they'll be looking at right across the street and they'd pass right by me to get to her. I wish I was prettier, thinner and a better person. I hate my genetics. I look like a tiny linebacker.

And I tried talking to my mom about being unemployed and she used her standard, "it'll be fine, get over it." She's such a controlling b***h, no wonder my dad left her. Imagine being married to someone who is so cold that she yells at you when you cry and doesn't acknowledge your problems.

Disclaimer: Attack me in here and I'll report you. You know who you are.

I don't have the funds to move out now, so don't suggest it. I am NOT getting on antipsychotics either. Don't suggest anything that costs money, I'm poor.

Apparently I'm a rapist too...I have an OKC account! But seriously, you do need to get out of there. You're 21 years old and these are decisions you need to be making on your own. I know you can't until you get a job and can pay the bills, but I can't urge you strongly enough to devote every bit of time, energy and resources you have to that goal! I had controlling parents and I had to get out of there too. I remember it well.

Whatever you do, don't get down on yourself because your mother is acting like a controlling biatch. It's not just you who uses the Internet for socializing. Lots of us do. It's easier to make connections that way initially because you don't have to worry about the eye contact, the body language, etc, and you can let someone get to know you online before you have to deal with all that sh!t. Plus, those of us who are a bit older know it's not necessarily a good idea to date people you work with, and that's where we have most of our contacts from, and the internet is convenient. It has nothing to do with you personally and a lot to do with modern-day ways of meeting people. Shee-it, there WAS no internet when I was your age (dating myself, of course). But anyway, don't get down on yourself....it's your MOTHER who is behaving badly. Focus the energy you would've spent on putting in an extra job application, doing another interview, or something else that will get you out of there sooner!

~Kate

You are not a s**thead.

I hope it works out ok for you, the advice meow101 gave is a good place to start

I have sent out so many applications and haven't heard back from ANY of them. I swear I'm going to be unemployed forever. I feel like telling my mom that if I'm not indepedent by the time I'm 25, I'm killing myself so maybe she'll give a s**t about me for a change. I just want to be free but I feel that I'll never make it.

Not a lot you can do other than move out.

You're worth more than you realize, maybe talk to your mom. Possibly write out a list of things that you can say to her in a way that won't offend her. Number one question being why is it that I am 21 and can't go out by myselfunsupervised? I'm not saying that there shouldn't be rules that apply (18 or otherwise, you live there rent free or for cheap i'm assuming) but should be limits.

If that doesn't work wait it out, you're young and when you get your license, that takes a lot of her control away right there. When you get a job, save that money to move out. (I know you're poor right now i'm just saying)

I know when I was in that situation--my relationship with my mom was destroyed and to this day she hasn't a clue why I don't call, visit, write, buy her birthday and motherday cards etc.

Hang in there.

Last edited by Greatsharkbite on 23 Jun 2011, 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I leave with friends sometimes but she only approves if it's not someone from the internet. My dad met all his girlfriends and wives after my mother on the internet so she has a bad taste for it.

When I move, I wanna go far away. Or at least back to where my college town is. I loved it there. My friends were there, the people that actually cared about me. I miss them so much.

Well not saying there's not cool people out where you are now. (I have no idea) But do you think its possible to try and look for a job put in applications near your old campus?

Or would your mom not like the fact that you're looking for jobs away from where you live right now?

Since I have no money or way of driving and supporting myself. No. She says I'm not allowed to move out until I have worked for a year and some other impossible requirement that I don't remember. Probably curing cancer or something.

I'm meeting someone I've known "only" online and the phone (for two and a half years) on Monday, and he's staying over (no funny business- a first date PJ party type-deal) since it'd be too late for him to drive back across the state at night. My parents are clueless, even though they own the house I live in, because to them, him sleeping over basically means me f*cking him on the first date. I don't feel a bit guilty not telling them- I would love to, if they could be happy for me.

I'd keep that stuff on the DL in the future-
if people are going to be emotionally-abusive or unreasonable toward you,
it's better for all parties if it just wasn't mentioned.

Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 23 Jun 2011, 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was going to just not mention it but she asked me what I was making for lunch and it just fell out. I needed to know in case if i would need a ride back since they were calling for rain. I don't know. I can't keep anything a secret because I suck.

What if they were right and he had a gang of men in his car ready to rape me? What would I have done then? I would have been alone. When someone cries "rape!" people come running...with cameras. They would watch me get raped and laugh at me, then jerk off to it later. Then I would promptly buy a gun and kill myself. >.<

Wait a minute! You're not *allowed* to move out???? If you have a job and you can earn the money to pay for your own place, she has NO say over whether you move out or not! It may be *wise* to stay for a couple of months till you know that your job is going to work out, that your boss isn't the Psycho Dweeb from Hell who has it in for you, etc, but you're an adult! No one *allows* you to move out! Once you are able to earn a living, you *can* move out. I *did* move out as SOON as I had a job, even though I was still in college (working 30 hrs a week plus my husband's fulltime job). I also didn't speak with my parents for five years because of behavior like this, until they started to treat me with a minimal amount of respect and human decency. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you, and family members, sadly, are no exception. I learned this when I was your age.

~Kate

I know this is not much help but do remember that online sites like OKC let you see hundreds of people an hour so if a guy is interested in you on that website it means he probably sifted through many,many other girl's profiles and he chose to message you.

No worries, you're an "OK" person in my book!

Please reconsider closing the account - it's as good a way as any to meet new people, as long as you take the usual common-sense precautions (tell a trusted friend where you'll be, whom you'll be with, and what time you expect to be home, et cetera).

Please stop calling yourself names. You are a person - a human being. Guys want to meet you because you seem approachable, unlike those made-up cuties who seem solely interested in what a guy does for a living, how much he makes, what kind of car he drives, and whether or not he lives with his parents (I learned this from my sons).

No, it is because they have a penis that most guys will take anything they can get.

At the risk of seeming like a middle-aged perv ... I've seen your picture, and was a little disappointed that you changed your avatar.
There, there ... (HUGS) ... I look like a hunchbacked troll, and I found love. It just took an incredibly long time, but she was (is) worth it.

She seems to be like my first wife, the most manipulative, demanding, controlling woman I have ever met. She was so much like some of the people that I grew up with or went to school with that she seemed normal until I began to meet people on my own terms.

No worries. I think you are in a bad situation, and I hope that it changes soon.

Well ... all that I can suggest is that once you do get a job, you move as far away from your mom as your new job will allow.

Yes, I have confidence in you that you will eventually find a job, even if it is not exactly what you may have in mind at this moment.

Best wishes,

Fnord

*sigh* If I ever move out, I won't be speaking to her for a long time. And she'll wonder why because she's the "perfect mother" of course.

Well, the account is gone so there isn't much I can do. Mom seems to be convinced that they're all rapists plotting to say the right thing to get me to meet them and then they kidnap, rape and maybe murder me afterwards if they're merciful. :/

I already closed the account. If I'm going to be harassed anytime I want to meet someone, it's not going to be worth it. f**k it all.


Approachable or easily-manipulated?



I changed it in case if my family were to search the site and find my photo as my avatar and find the things I've said about them here. That would be the last thing I'd need. D:


I have less than 20 years to get married before my biological clock runs out. I'm already horribly behind by not being pretty enough or independent.



Apparently guns are too expensive to afford when you're unemployed so I guess killing myself is out of the question for now. *sigh* nothing is ever easy. D: