Uncertain about Staying in a Relationship

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I have posted elsewhere about some issues in my relationship with my boyfriend. We are both on the spectrum, except he seems a little more NT than I. I have been searching for some couples counseling but most of the local services are geared towards children and youth. It seems there is no such thing as counseling for older Aspies who are in a relationship with other Aspies. This alone is very discouraging. I can't do this alone. My boyfriend, while upset that he has been upsetting me, gets overwhelmed when I try to talk to him. He doesn't seem to understand the things that he is doing wrong, and thinks that I am just picking fights over things that I imagined.

I am not to the place where I want to break up, but I really can't fix everything myself. I am very depressed and have lost my appetite. I have an appointment with my own counselor, but my boyfriend has no one to talk to. That is why I was seeking the counseling for both of us. I really think that going to couples counseling that is geared towards NT couples will spell disaster. I don't know what else to do. I tried writing him a letter once, and he got upset and thought I was going to dump him. Every time something goes wrong, his first reaction is to think he is getting dumped. I don't want him to address things because he fears being dumped, but because he is motivated to keep the relationship. But as close as we are in other ways, this is his blind spot. And I become hyper-verbal and keep talking and talking and overstating, which leads to him melting down. I feel truly discouraged and scared right now. I feel like just giving up.

thanks for reading.

this woman Amy Marsh is very good and does email counseling if i recall correctly
http://www.dramymarshsexologist.com/theintimateaspie/

I found this series of books by Andrew Marshall very helpful

http://www.andrewgmarshall.com/