Abusive neighbor trouble

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I don't come here that often anymore, and I didn't know where else to put his subject, but this is an issue that I seriously believe needs solving.

For the past few months now, my mom's boyfriend has been coming up to our house, after midnight, drunk out of his mind, and in a rage about the most pointless things that may be overlooked. A few nights agao, he kept our mom away from us while we were celebrating my brother's birthday and so she promptly broke up with him. Last night, he came up demanding to talk to her, offering presents, and even trying to break into the house. We also heard him calling us (us being me and my brother and sisters) jerkoffs who should celebrate his birthday and Father's day instead of us doing so for our real father. he even had the audacity to park his truck behind my mom's car so that way she can't to work in the morning. (Luckily she was able to use my car.)

After this display, (and some others from the past that were pretty much the same thing.) I want to call the police, that way this ever again, but my mom is very persistant that this is mere just a phase even though he's been insulting us for a while now from what I'm told. That and if we supposedly abuse the police's services, they will not arrive if things really do turn physical.

I dunno what to do. These drunk visits from my mom's boyfriend NEED to end, but no one will do anything about it...

There is no law against your mom having a drunk boyfriend in her home, but there are powerful laws against drunk driving. Is he driving drunk to visit your mom? He can lose his license or even go to jail. Apart from that, you have no case since he is drunk on private property with the owner's consent. There is no law against insulting you.

There are laws that protect your mother and her children from an abusive and controlling boyfriend. Unfortunately, she is the only one who can ask to have those laws enforced. Unless this man threatens harm against you or physically assaults you, you will have no grounds for an Order of Protection, which would be your option to keep him away from the home and greatly reduce contact. Unless you are the owner or part owner (or on the lease if it is rented) of the home you live in, you will not have the ability to call the police to remove him and his vehicle from private property. Make no mistake, his behavior is inexcusable and will continue to get worse. Your mother is in an abusive relationship with a man who is out of control.

Personally I don't understand how she can be around anyone who insults her children. I wouldn't stand for it.

Next time he parks behind her have his car towed.

This is at very least the beginning stages of stalking behavior. Depending on how long it has been going on, this may be more than just the beginning stages.

Any interaction with your Mom will count as a positive and will reward the behavior and make it more likely to continue.

And actually, your Mom has a point. Even in this enlightened day and age, the police might view it as a 'problem' household or 'problem' call and take it less serious. The way around this: 'beginning to be a problem . . . don't want it to get worse.' That is, you underplay it to the police. Let them make the free choice to escalate it. They generally will.

Now, I understand you want to call the police and your Mom doesn't. That makes it tricky and difficult. Maybe take the tact with your Mom ' if this continues . . . need to start thinking about the police.'

Good luck with this very difficult situation.

When I was 16, my Dad was threatening on a number of occasions and medium-scale violent toward my Mom on some occasions. The 'medium-scale' was a big reason she didn't leave. Plus, he may have been the first man she really loved, he's unique in some ways, she's not likely to find any other man like that on those traits, etc, etc---all those reasons, not just women, but both men and women can have a very difficult time leaving a bad relationship.

21 years later when I was thirty-seven, it occurred to me, 'I should have just gone to Florida.' Instead of disapproving of my Mom and trying to reason with her, I should have just gone to Florida, where my grandparents lived (my Mom's parents). The hope would have been that she would have followed us.

I later refined this idea to asking my sister (who was then age 15) if she wanted to go to Florida also, and presenting it ' . . we need to begin to think about . . ' and also asking my sister which she thinks would be better: Florida, or the Midwest where our Aunt and Uncle where.

This might be like an Ace you can hold, give yourself some backup and security, might need to play, hopefully won't.

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And kind of prepping for your relatives and letting them know some of what is going. The dynamics seem to be, if I overstate something, the person resists. If I understate, the person kind of fills in the details (not 100%, but not a bad way to start the conversation, this seems to be one of the NT things of focusing on context over content!). And the part about him blocking in her car, wow, that one detail, said in the most simple, straightforward declarative sentence, says a whole lot about him.