Searching for a place to live...sick to my stomach

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It's a long story, but thanks to a couple of rotten roomates I thought were my friends, who bailed without notice, I'm faced with having to move from the house I've currently lived in.

I just don't know what to do. I moved there to begin with because the price was right and I was eager to get out of my parent's place. I've got friends here, and I want to stay in the area because there are a lot of young people, and my social life was miserable living with my parents in the suburbs.

But the area is pricier than what I've been paying, and since I earn a living as a freelancer, it's a fine line. I'm doing well right now, but in a couple months, I might be without work again, and it's hard to find a partime job because I'm overqualified (grad degree). Can't even get a job at the motherf****ng library.

I need a place where I have space to do my animation work...a studio is too small, I need a one bedroom. But I dont' think I can afford that. I wont' ever do roomates again, because I am f*****g fed up with people. They're rotten to the core and just f**k me over.

Which leads to moving home...which just fills me with despair.

I don't know what to do. So worried I'm sick and have a headache.

It really never will get better...I'm having a lot of dark thoughts about just ending it all. I really, really, really just want to die.

can't you save as much money as possible so you'll still be able to afford rent for a while if work dries up?
maybe a large studio would be ok for the meantime? not ideal, but ok. or could you live in a studio and find another space to do your work from?
at least you have the fallback plan of being able to move home if worse comes to worse.
which is the lesser of the two evils- another house share or moving home?

i'm sure things will work out:)

If you can't manage a 1 bedroom, you'll have to put up with the studio. It won't be so bad if you find one that feels spacey enough. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices in hard times to get what we want.

It has to be a one bedroom, so I can have a space for my new animated film. The film will be incredible when it's done, and I've just GOT to make it. If I get a studio I won't have room, and I can't afford to rent studio space on top of it, since this poject will take two years easily to finish.

It's why I'm so sick. I've just gotta do this film, do something important, because if I don't, I'm utterly worthless, since I'm already a failure at love and friendship and all the basic things that makes a human being complete.

I feel I was denied all the pleasures and gifts of a normal life, but endowed with one thing, the ability to make films, good ones, and I've got to make that masterpiece, or what good am I?

If I can't do what I'm meant to do, then I would rather kill myself.