Today was horrible.

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My depression took over to an extreme extent and I wanted to off myself....I didn't obviously but its a horrible feeling, I mean I know my chances of surviving in this society are not very high but I do still have things in life I enjoy so I hate when my depression gets that bad. I feel a bit better now but I still can't get over the thought that I'm just putting off the inevidable and I am going to feel completely isolated for the rest of my existance so it feels like there no good reason to continue. But yeah I guess not acting on such thoughts is a good thing but still I can't stand the feeling of isolation so when my depression gets bad it just adds to it.

Yeah I just had to get that out because I would prefer not to spend my night thinking about why I was feeling suicidal, and I don't really have anyone in real life I want to talk to about it.

Pretty much how my last couple of years have been. Contemplating that im such a wuss that I cant do it with a knife in my hand.

I did try to overdose once, and one time I was about ready to take like half a bottle of tylenol hoping it would do enough liver damage....then a dude I had given my number to called me and asked if I wanted to hang out.....the guy turned out to be a douchebag who seemed to only want to hang out with me if sex was involved but at the time I was kinda glad for the distraction as I imagine tyelenol overdose would not be very pleasent.

I hope that you start feeling better, soon.

Why feel isolated?




I know the feeling of not being able to shake off depression. We get so many positives.. that its insane that there can be so much negative to go with it. Its hard to tolerate ourselves sometimes, let alone other people, it takes a really big person to continue making the effort to continue and improve themselves imo. Its bravery that society doesn't get anyone credit for, but I for one am glad you didn't end things.

I can't say for sure exactly, it just feels like there is a wall between me and everyone else.....so even if i am around people I still feel that way.