My meltdown today - please read and respond

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My two friends (actually, friend and acquaintance) and I made a documentary about our grade (the middle school graduating class) and I heard this morning that the teacher wouldn't play it at the show at the end of the day. My two friends were really upset because they worked hard on it (I didn't have much input). They were more upset than I was, obviously. At the "end of the day show" my friend (who worked on the documentary) was pissed off and in tears. My other friend (she didn't make the film) comforted her and an acquaintance my first friend didn't get along with all the time hugged her and let her talk about it. Since I didn't feel the same pain, I didn't know what to do. You know how people seem to hurt when their friends hurt? That doesn't happen to me all the time. Actually, it's rare that it does happen. As the crying friend left, I lied down in the chairs and said to myself, "Funny, I'm not nearly worried about this as the others are."

The second acquaintance reacted badly by saying "The video that represents the eighth grade isn't being shown and your friend is in tears and all your doing is sitting, no, laying down! You don't even care!" and then I asked, "What was the purpose of your rant?"

She replied, "It was to get you to care for once."

I said "I didn't say I don't care, I said I'm not as worried as everyone else. It doesn't mean I don't feel (I didn't tell her this, but when I heard our video wasn't being played, I didn't muster up any real emotional reaction)"

She simply said "I don't care"

After that ordeal, I struggled to hold back tears before the video show went on (our video ended up being played) and fled to the bathroom to cry. I thought about how I wished to say to the girl "I spent my entire school year in tears, I've had enough of caring" and that my two close friends have been there for me and if they had undergone something similar, I can't do the same thing for them because I wouldn't know how and someone else's pain doesn't pain me the same way it would others. I kept asking myself "What is wrong with me?"

It seems like you cared more about it then you thought you did, you were so used to not caring that it didn't come naturally.

Or maybe it wasn't that the documentory wasn't being shown that ended up upseting you, but the suggesting by this person that you never care about other people.

Maybe you just care in a way that is different ?
Or care about different things.

All you need to do is learn to fake it. If you know its important to your friend, and you love your friend and dont want to hurt her feelings, fake it. Fake you care (actually you do care, you care about her). You do not really have to feel sad for the same reasons she does, but being a friend is also about caring about your friends feelings, it does not matter if you can feel them or not.

The thing is, I am never really sure how to fake it and I don't want to fake it. I don't want to be fake with my friends, I've had enough of that. If I am in the situation where I'm faking it, I just want to get out of it, thus increasing my chances of doing a poor job of faking it.

I probably would have told her that she didn't have any right to proclaim I didn't care as she is not me and is not in a position to judge what I care about and what I don't....that sounds sufficiently female I think.

I call it the logic barrier. Emotions are there .... its just that in the AS brain they apparently get processed through the logical portion of the brain first before they get to whatever part of the brain does the decision making. NT brains seem directly wired between emotional parts and decision making parts ...and the logic parts kick in AFTER the fact.


Being a vulcan amongst klingons has its advantages...and disadvantages.

You can see it this way: your NT friends do not understand why you feel how you feel or why you behave the way you do. It is incomprehensible for them. But they are still there for you. They backup you and calm you and support you even if they do not understand. You can do the same for them. You can say you care and you understand, it does not matter if you actually understand it or not. They don't, and it does not stop them. That is called retribution. Although you do not like it, you can do it. That is what friends do.

I wouldnt fake it, but generate some care, by involving myself a little. I cant give hugs in such a situation, but I talk to my friends if they have a problem and try to give them my point of view, which generally is objective and less affected, as yourself. This also helps people, even though its not fake.

Have you received comments from people like this?