Distressed - someone called me a 'psychopath'

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Someone I have seen every evening now for over 3 months, tonight called me a psychopath and said I am in denial and suggested I should be locked up. He based this on the fact that some of the things he has said to me, have hit a nerve and my reaction when I am hurt emotionally is to break my things and to hit myself. I never did this in front of him, but similarly, I could never hide it either. I tried to explain, but he insisted I am a psychopath, and that I try and drive people mad, and that I am 'not normal' I am feeling really horrible now, and studying up on it to see if I have it, since I sometimes struggle to feel much based on just hearing peoples words, but sometimes I feel too much, for example if I see a hurt animal or someone crying etc. I just find it hard to show.

I don't understand. I have a history of child sexual abuse and bullying and tried to explain that, but repeatedly he told me that it was nothing compared to the thousands of people out there getting lined up and shot or stabbed, and trivialised what happened to me, saying that its not fair they are dead and I am alive. I dont understand why he said that to me, having known me for over 3 months and having shared meals and outings and kisses even. I am so confused and left feeling that maybe I should kill myself if I am that bad that someone thinks I am a psychopath.

I haven't committed crimes, murdered, beaten others up or anything at all. I only ever hurt myself or my things and it only happens when something is said that hurts or makes me angry. Does that make me a psychopath? He has shown no regret for any of the things he has said to me, yet I apologised when I knew I had said something hurtful. I am just so confused and feeling very messed up and not understanding how someone who has spent that time with me could consider me a psychopath.

I was told something along the same lines when I was quite a bit younger. I wasn't called a psycopath, but I was told that I was going to be a devil after I died. That bothered me for years. It's strange how something that I was told by another kid in Grade 6 could bother me for so many years.

You're definitely not a psychopath - if you were, you'd take pleasure in hurting other people and their pain.

The guy sounds like a waster. Drop him, for your own health.

That was not a nice thing to be told either, cockney. Especially when so young.
I don't know how to deal with my confusion and hurt right now.
I am now questioning myself, analysing myself and trying to see if I am that bad.
Yet, this person called me a number of things over the period, including weak, abnormal, 'fuked in the head' and a nutter, and when I spoke of the sexual abuse, said 'so what, a man tried to shag you as a child, so what?'. Unable to see how or why that might leave a person affected decades later, when people are being killed and stabbed just for looking at someone.
The worst I said to him is that he has no emotions, which is something he said of himself. That he has no emotions and feelings and that is how he was made.

Sounds pretty much like a real jerk who hid his true colors for 3 months and then let his true self show. People do this pretty frequently. This won't be the last time a guy will slander you and call you all sorts of things when a relationship goes bad. It shows his immaturity and lack of self control. If he was mature, he'd have just told you sorry but he couldn't deal with you anymore, without resorting to bullying tactics and ridiculous name-calling. He was just saying it as an insult to make you feel bad, so there's no need to take it as literal truth.

Oh, and it isn't true he has no emotions. He has shown at least one emotion: malice.

Last edited by MollyTroubletail on 15 Jun 2011, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If the guy is a bully, then it may be to your advantage to let him think you are a psychopath. You an tell him not to f**k with you and that sometimes bad things happens to those who like to mess with people. Then tell him to have a nice day.

Well when I was in highschool and there was a lockdown because some random guy with a gun decided it would be a good idea to shoot one of the students...this girl told me she was suprised I was not the psychopath with the gun, that still bothers me.

Don't. Stop now. Don't do it to yourself. That is all.

Someone told my brother I would grow to be another Charles Whitman. Climbing a tower with a rifle and picking people off.

I am. I have never had anyone stand in my flat and say something like that to me, and of course, it messes with your head when they then say you are in denial as you can ask yourself if you are. And yes you were right when you originally said this man was damaging but I didn't realise anyone could say something like that. I hadn't done anything even, I dont think. I had told him he had said some nasty things to me about my sexual abuse, and from there he got worse and worse, saying I was just trying to make him feel things. He had had 2 bottles of wine. But he has never got so cruel. If it is cruel ? He claimed that I am the only one who reacts the way I do and that he asked loads of people if they would be upset at being told they have 'apelike features' and they werent.


I do have issues empathising sometimes, but if I see someone crying, I do my best, it is just I cannot always feel just from someone telling me of their experiences. Now I am wondering if that makes me bad. Like, because I have to put effort into asking people how they are and empathising without seeing it, if that makes sense.
I know I can be selfish and I am damaged from the abuse I had as a kid, and that I have abandonment fears that can make me sometimes be a bit needy, on top of my autistic traits, but I do help people when I see suffering and I feel guilt about the small incidents of unkindness I showed to animals as a child (soon after the sexual abuse), in fact, I often remember that even though it was decades ago, when I was 11 or 12, and feel awful I did such things. Supposedly psychopaths hurt animals when younger, so it does worry me a bit.

Now I am sat worrying if he was right, suggesting I be locked up. I have never hurt another person when they hurt me, but if I can hurt myself and smash my things, what if I have the potential to hurt another person physically?

It may be true that you are not like most people. However, most people are not like most people. One person's opinion should never define you. No matter who that person is. And 3 months might seem like a long time at the moment, but for most people it's just long enough to decide they no longer want to be nice to you. My advice: Ignore it. There will be many other people in your life who will be far more important, and this idiot will seem like a bad dream from long ago.

You're fine. No worries.

You should dump him. He's not worth your time.

I hate the idea anyone could think I am that, as it is such a bad thing to be. Psychopaths often kill others and don't feel guilt or remorse about anything according to the literature. I just couldn't say something like that to someone, it isn't in my nature. All I can do is to walk away, but I now feel like I can't go out because it isn't that large a city, he goes to the places I go, most of the store I shop in knows how we came to be together, and he may well now go and tell them I am a psychopath, since he originally considered me a stalker because of the way I hung around him but was too afraid to speak for a year. I need to shut up anyway, my head just feels all foggy and I feel totally confused as to why someone I tried so hard to be decent to would turn around and say that when I tried so hard over the months to explain the way I am and why I react to being hurt.

Its fine to analyze yourself, for yourself--but sounds like something this guy was just saying to be hurtful.

Might be more worth analyizing what kind of person--they are.

I had something similar said to me, they were just some punk highschool kids tho who senselessly bullied.

Yeah but it still bothered me that people actually thought that about me....and then of course even though it turns out they were wrong and we just had some random a**hole everyone still avoided me. Maybe they thought I did not have emotions or something.

People will react to who they think you are. Others can influence this by spreading rumors, but the way you respond to these rumors impacts them far more than the rumors themselves. If you panic, or appear distressed by them, people will assume they are true. If you laugh at them, or shrug them off, people will assume that they are untrue.

People tend to believe the person who expresses the most confidence.

Naturally, all this is far easier said than done. But it is doable. If I can manage it, so can you. Just remind yourself as often as possible that you know who you are, and who you are is a good person. No matter what anyone else says or thinks, it doesn't change who you are. In fact, you should feel sorry for the other person for being so desperate for attention that they need to resort to these methods for it.

Again, easier said that done. But it's doable. Know who you are, and others will see it to.. People respond to authority in any form. And you are the only authority on who you are. It doesn't matter what others think if you believe in yourself, however hard it may be to believe it at times. Listen to inspiring music and remember that you are who you believe yourself to be, forget what other people say.