Endless fights and meltdowns please help

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This week I seem to be getting into sudden and endless multiple altercations with different and unrelated people.

I am a peaceful person. I hate even arguing, let alone fighting. It's other people who are starting fights with me, for no reason and out of the blue. Just in the past week I've had fights with no fewer than five different people for totally unrelated reasons. Three of them were complete strangers, two were relatives.

Maybe I'm somehow antagonizing people without even knowing it while calmly minding my own business. Maybe it's just a statistical anomaly that has no reason. Maybe God hates me. All I know is "everyone" is suddenly mad at me for things I can't help or fix.

I'm scared to interact with anyone and I'm overwhelmed with anxiety. I've spent most of the past couple of days curled up on the floor of the tiny dark bedroom closet, crying as quietly as possible. Nobody checks on me or knows I'm there. I'm not sure I even exist.

I'm coming close to the point where I feel too tempted to take handfuls of Xanax, Percocet, and Oxycontin pills followed by a bottle of wine. I am not trying to be suicidal, I'm just feeling like I can't handle my emotions and have to numb out at any cost. I am not a drug addict.

If nobody here can help me, I will take the pills and alcohol but try not to overdose. I don't want to be found dead in a closet. I have no friends. You are my last hope. I'm sorry.

I'd miss you. I've been checking to see whether you read our responses to yesterday's thread, and hoping you're okay.

I'm glad you've logged back in, and it sucks that things haven't gotten better. It sounds like a really bad couple of days, but I hope you'll find a way to make it through.

Emotions like you describe may be a result of your subconscious need for change. Please do not do what you are describing, I think you could become happy by making a change or resolving to make a change in your life situation. Unhappy events like you describe can seem to happen randomly, but by seeking positive experiences within a positive environment it is possible to find happiness that will make these negative events fade away.

You have friends here.

I experience the same things some months. But then something happens (no idea what) and everything is fine again. It will get better.

I really relate to a lot of your posts on here and I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble. That closet sounds nice, actually, but other than that.

Wishing you well.

Like a baseball player, yes, I think a large part of it is a statistical anomaly, and then a person starts second-guessing themselves and it becomes a downward spiral. Or like a poker player, a person gets out of rhythm.

Strangers can sometimes take offense because someone is 'different,' or the person is younger, smaller, somehow vulnerable appearing, the stranger thereby feels it's okay to 'say something,' the whole thing is stupid. And this is one of a number of things that remind me, yes so-called "normal" people often lack social skills, too, and big time at that.

You are a valued person. Please use us here at WrongPlanet as a resource.

Feel free to PM me. I am by no means an expert but I'll try and help, just ping-ponging back and forth in conversation if nothing else, which can help. Just confirming, yes, people can be first-rate jackasses. And we can learn social defensive skills, and at the same time remaining open to positive people.

And I think people who have responded here will also generally welcome a PM.

I have Internet access during the day (Houston time, CDT) through libraries and coffee shops. More sketchy access in evening.

Where's Molly????

Is she ok? Is she alive? She posted this this morning, and apparently hasn't logged back in. If she took "handfuls" of three drugs, AND a bottle of wine, she's comatose if not dead. Anybody?

I'm okay I told you I wouldn't overdose.

I took 3.25mg Xanax, 180mg Codeine, 3 Percocets, no alcohol. All the bad emotions became numb and I was a little sleepy, but I remained fully conscious and functional and was even able to leave the house (and the closet) to buy groceries. I said I was not trying to commit suicide. The chemical cocktail did give me a good night's sleep though. It was a great relief.

Maybe you just need a break from people? There is something about me that people tend to pick up on. I don't know whether its lack of body language, or some way communicating vulnerability. This is one of the reasons why I avoid people.