Do you ever feel obligated to love someone?

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Sometimes, with extended family, you say you love them even though you may not be that close. I feel like that with my dad's extended family and partially my mom's. I feel this way sometimes, particularly with my grandparents. My dad asked me Wednesday if I wanted to visit them for an hour or so, I refused. I just wanted to stay home, and besides, every time we do interact its "How's school" "Good" "Do you have homework" "Yes" "Do you like school" "Sorta".

I feel like saying "I love you" is a formality when I say it to them (not only them, but I'm using them as an example to explain what I'm talking about). If I said what I'm saying here to my parents, they would look at me as if I'm crazy and ask "Where did you get this crazy notion?".

My dad was apparently hurt when I refused to visit them so my mom is having them over for dinner tonight (not looking forward to it). My mom started telling me "Honey, sometimes you do things you don't want to do because you love the other person (she was trying to explain to me why I should have visited my grandparents and why she dragged me to my brother's basketball game) and it's not all about you". I wish I could explain that I wasn't being selfish. If I was dragged out of the house to visit my grandparents, it wouldn't mean anything and I wouldn't visit them unless I want to because it's pointless if we both acknowledge that I actually don't want to be there. My brother knows I don't want to go to his games but my mom thinks if I'm dragged there, my brother will think I want to come.

Anyone else have experiences and frustrations like this?

I feel that way too. Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean you feel strongly for their company. I think for me I live family but I don't always LIKE family. That's the difference. Butfor my aspie bf he definitely feels like he doesn't understand the concept of love in a natural affection way for even parents. He says he loves me more than his mom. I hate visiting family mostly thogh because yeah they're boring they ask the same idiotic questions of forced interest every time and then talk about old people things you don't care about. If it's a crime my bf and I would rather be on the computer, reading, writing, drawing or anything else then lock us up. Family is an obligation that rather frustrates us. I try to be more understanding but I also don't want to do something only because I should or it's the nice thing to do. My family loves to just gossip and judge people anyways and it's irritating.

Oh, PHEW, I'm not alone.

You choose your friends, you don't choose your family.

I feel a lot of affection for one of my friends and sometimes that feels stronger than some of my family relations.

Yeah well I mean you choose friends who understand and relate to you or whose character fits the mold of your life and ideals. Family is just blood and connections through genes. I am close to my immediate family but beyond that it's like a family get together forces me to pretend I'm comfortable with total strangers. It's almost weird for me and I'm not remotely interested in what they're doing or have been up to but I feel obligated to do the awkward fake "what are you doing how have you been?" Routine.

Why do people expect us to "love" everyone in our extended family due to bloodties?

I feel like I should love my grandmother but I just don't. I do visit her and etc. but only because I don't want to hurt my dad. I do love everyone in my immediate family and I loved my other grandparents a lot.

It's a combination of religious values passed down for centuries and group survival behaviors when technology wasn't like today.

How would they react if I did otherwise?

I feel a mite jealous of you guys, I really cared for my extended family and they didn't care even a little about me, they said they did but when it came down to actions they showed how they really felt.

I'm guessing that it's easier not to feel love for people than to be rejected emotionally by those that you do love/care for. I know I could be wrong and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

Jealous? I didn't make a conscious decision to relinquish my affection for them, I'm just admitting that I don't define "love" the same way as others.

I love my younger cousin and others, but sometimes I feel like it's mostly empty connections

I mean that I probably would have not have experienced such hurt if I didn't care about them the way I did. If I had no connection to begin with, I could have had an "oh right then" response instead of a "Aaaaa, this hurts response" when I realised that they didn't really care about me.

I hope I've made it clear about what I'm a little jealous of, never feeling a connection with them would have made my realisation about them easier for me to deal with.

I feel obligated to love my parents, but don't really feel it towards them. I'm adopted though, so I don't know if that makes a difference. I sometimes feel guilty about it, but I can't really force myself to "love" anyone. My sister berates all the time for not "being nice" to my mom, but she is extremely judgmental and always reveling in contagious self pity, so I basically avoid her unless she seems to be in a good mood. My sister spends time with my mom but has developed that same self pity heavy attitude which basically gives me all the more reason to avoid them. I suppose it could be considered selfish of me, but I have issues of my own to deal with

Sometimes I wonder if my relatives feel this way about me. I feel like an outcast of both sides of my family

How would you define love?

I never been close with anyone except one person & I only really felt affection & strong caring type feelings like love towards two people; my ex & Miranda Cosgrove I guess I love my parents & other family deep down but I'm not aware of feeling love & other type feelings for em. I had major problems getting along with em sense I was very little so I think maybe those feelings are more buried. I do NOT hate em but I just don't feel strongly towards em. I have no problems visiting family nowadays but sense I've always been shy, quiet & withdrawn in social type striations; we don't talk much. I'm more just there checking email & stuff on my droid while my parents talk

Yea, my family...Duh

That's why I always say to my little twin sisters..."I love ya, but I don't like ya"

As for extended family, some of them I am just neutral to, one of them I hate because my mom does, and one of them hates me because of my aspieness. I sometimes say very blunt things and they get offended. But, I do have cousins and aunts and uncles that I adore. One cousin saved my life as I almost fell off a 100 foot cliff and they grabbed my hand. One cousin is the most adorable thing on earth. One aunt will listen whenever you really need someone to talk to, one uncle is really cool and will help with math problems and joke around.

Though I don't like them all, I have to love them. And sometimes it is harder with one person than another, but they are family, and that is just the way it goes.

Loving them is trying to help whenever they need help with something, and trying to be nice to them.