Is this thing called "caring" impossible?

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I am accused sometimes by my mom and brother of not caring about anything (a part of me believes that. I care very little about certain things. Mostly I care about my existing friendships, but that's somewhat the extent of it). My mom and I got into a discussion starting with the fact that my eight year old cousin got something for her older step-sister. Then my mom asked me why I don't think about my brother much (more specifically, why I never thought about getting him anything) and I said I don't see the reason why. She said because he's my brother and I told her he and I aren't very close and I don't see a reason as to why I should be close to him (we have nothing in common and barely understand each other. So what if we have similar strands of DNA?).

She then talked about how my dad doesn't think of getting her or my brother anything but he got me a T-Shirt while he was in Boston. My dad and I aren't that close and I see how he wants me to be daddy's little girl, but I don't want to be closer to him (I didn't mention this). She said this to compare me to my dad (we don't give gifts to anyone, which in the discussion was equivalent to caring about a person). I wondered why caring about someone was shown through buying something for them. My mom said, "I don't understand you." I muttered, "This isn't the first time." At some point she asked "What would happen to you if I didn't care about you?" and I start to wonder why she cares for me and loves me. Because I came out of her womb instead of someone else's? Because I live under her roof? Why?

According to her, blood is thicker than water (in reference to the metaphorical sense: yeah, right!). I find this belief not completely true. Do you ever question if you love your family? If I mention this belief to others (other than my close friends). Do you wonder if young kids telling their parents "i love you mommy/daddy" know what they're saying? Whether they actually understand what love is or if they're trained to say that to the point where they believe they know what it means when they don't?

I often ask those who ask me to care about them or their causes where they were when I was homeless, and why they never cared about me.

This makes the situation even more ironic, for some reason. Makes me think. You were homeless?

Yes ... I was one of those ragged street people you may have seen holding the "Will Work for Food" signs along the roadways. Did you know that if you are paroled felon, a junkie, physically or mentally disabled, a non-white "minority" member, or a woman, there are programs that will support you, but that an able-bodied, middle-aged white male with no police record, no addictions, and no apparent mental or emotional issues has virtually nowhere to turn to for support and relief from poverty? This has become especially true during the recent recession.

Fnord this might sound like total lunacy but in the long run that is a blessing for you. All of those programs designed to 'help people' do little more than enable them to stay at the bottom. The fact that you had little choice but to figure out a way will likely save your life.

I never was homeless but I came within $10 of it many times. There's nothing like sitting in a 100+ degree apartment (I live in AZ) because they shut your power off again to get you thinking of ways to make some money; usually I let the phone get shut off instead. I did anything legal I could to keep from being homeless including donating plasma, working along side illegal aliens and ex cons unloading tractor trailers, telemarketing (god I hate telemarketing), bagging powdered milk for 12 hours a day, and some other pretty horrible jobs. When I'm having a 'bad day' now I stop and think about how hard it was then compared to now and it doesn't seem so bad.

I get the "you don't care" thing from people too but it's not entirely true. I get focused on whatever my thing is at the moment and simply forget and we're not close like you said. For other things I care but I can't do anything to change things. Sometimes when it's really emotional I just can't handle it. Until my wife came along I missed many years of sending birthday cards, mothers' day, fathers day, etc. I'm getting better but probably only because of her. Anymore I have to put things on my google calendar to remind me...

I do care about those close to me but I am not very good at showing it. I have great difficulty understanding what pleases people. I tend not to buy gifts for people because I inevitably get the wrong thing. The harder I try, the worse I get.

With the exception of special occasions, like birthdays, I never know when it is the right time to buy a gift or do something special. I care for people constantly. I cannot constantly be showering everyone with gifts. I wish I knew the right time to do something special.

I agree - that which did not kill me made me stronger, but it also made me resent those who could have helped me but didn't.

My wife is also the civilizing element in my life (she's much more than that to me, of course!), and if it weren't for her, I might be one of those hostile old men living alone in a double-wide somewhere along Tornado Alley, and hanging on to ever word ever uttered by Glenn Beck as if those words fell from the lips of God. As it is, the only sticky part is that she loves everything about church, and I could take it or leave it.

I care about others, but I am careful to be charitable to those who are either in dire need or who could benefit from a hand-up, and not just a hand-out.

Back to this question, please?

Alright. Well, I'm not sure. Love is emotional. Emotions are not something I can easily understand, but I'll try my best here.

I guess I could say that I 'love' my mom, but to me, it's more like I appreciate what she has done for me. She's looked after and cared for me all my life, and for that, how couldn't I love her? But why has she done this? I have no idea. I guess it's all part of the maternal instinct, or something. Supposedly there's no stronger bond than that between mother and child. Well, that's what they say.

Now, my relationship with my dad is a bit more complicated. He says he loves me just about every day, and I'm sure he does. I know those words don't always have the meaning they should, but it's not like he's ever done anything to justify that he doesn't. For the past few years he's been really busy, and he has spent a full 9 months in Afghanistan already. While I want to say that I love him, it's kinda hard to find proof that I do. It's just that, I don't really miss him at all. When he left, I was the only one who wasn't all emotional. It was just like, alright then. I've hardly seen him in a year and I hardly ever think about him. As long as I know that he's doing alright it doesn't bother me at all. I've been able to get on with my life without any issues. In fact, if anything, although it troubles me to say this, I kinda like it when it's quiet around here.

And then there's my sister. You know what, I don't give half a rat's droppings for her. She's a bratty 13 year old NT girl. I find it hard to believe that we have the same parents, because in reality we are worlds apart. I haven't even talked to her in about 2 years, and I only see her a few times a week. I just don't care.

So, yeah, that's kinda how it is for me.

I guess you're a bit like me then. I have an 15 (going on 16 in two-ish months) year old NT brother who's older than me (I'm assuming people don't bother to read that I'm 14). I used to miss my parents when I was little, but when they leave, I don't miss them at all.

My aunt had ovarian cancer and I hardly felt anything (until she died. Then I was bawling because I never dealt with death before). I HATED when people tell me "she's in a better place now" to comfort me. Honestly, 1: being nothing but burned ashes spread in some random place (I think it was Cabo) is NOT a better place. 2: If they're going to comfort me, say something GENUINE.

Why was your sister bratty?

Love is one of those things that until you feel it you can't be sure it's real. I've only loved 2 people in my entire life (I'm 43). I find it hard to connect with people but once I do it's pretty much permanent; not even their death can break it.

When I was your age me and my moms relationship turned for the worst, it never really recovered. An incredibly controlling personality that indirectly at times dictated and controlled what i did and said. Almost anything that didn't mirror her opinion and put in a negative light was met with a swift slap in the face or me getting grounded. I was almost a pristine child, never acted out, caused trouble, talked back and I STILL would get punished more than the annoying brats at my highschool.

That said I still love her, how do I know? We're not close, but I CHOOSE to talk to her and worry about her instead of completely cut her out of my life for all the messed up stuff she's done and said. She raised me ok but i still think in many ways she's a lousy parent.

My family I love but they get on my nerves. I have no idea how to deal with my female cousins, they joke around a lot, too much and my feelings sometimes get hurt as a result. Anything that makes me believe I have AS is generally insulted, but I know they AREN'T being serious so I love them.

My male cousins I get along with.. but everyone is in different states, doing different things now. I moved to be with my gf and get away from my mom, but my cousins and I rarely talk.. do not think I talked to any of them this year. I love them too.

I don''t think little kids could or ever would love their parents, like some of their parents love them--but i believe they know what they mean. For them, love isn't "taking a bullet for someone" its caring about someone and wanting them in your life.

Would that mean they "love" their close friends? Speaking of which, don't you get annoyed when teenage girls say "<3 u" or "i wuv you" to each other? It sounds meaningless.

Slightly a more strained version of the word, I could say I loved my best friend had I know them long enough but kids make and break relationships so easily that I think the level of the word best friend would have to be explained. Its a little easier to have the feeling towards mom and dad (biologically we are programmed to be close to the first faces we interact with).

About the teenage girl thing--yeah that annoys me but I didn't really understand most teenage girls in general. I always thought they were copying stuff they saw on tv and trying to be "cute" to get attention.

I would say that I care about a lot of people, but it's hard to say if I really love anyone. Sometimes I get concerned about family members and other people, but I hardly ever feel sad for anyone. I'm close to a lot of my family members, but I probably wouldn't mind being separated from them for an extended period of time as long as I knew that they were happy.

I don't really have any friends anymore, but I have acquaintances. I prefer to keep it that way because friendships eventually destroy relationships between people and emotionally scar them, but acquaintanceships usually last forever. I care to some extent about my acquaintances, but I don't think about them very much. It's not worth thinking about things that I can't do much about.

Some people might claim that I'm antisocial because I don't have any friends and I prefer to keep to myself, but I'm mostly just schizoid. It's not that I don't care about people, but that I don't see the purpose in socializing with people and I believe that I couldn't make someone's life much better by socializing with them and could possibly make it worse.

I hate how much relationships complicate things with me. I guess that's one of the reasons why I try to avoid having close relationships. People can say that I'm selfish for that, but I don't really care. I wouldn't consider myself to be a nice person, but I would consider myself to be a respectful person. I prefer to keep to myself, but I don't do bad things to anyone. No matter what people say about me I can live with the person who I am because of that.