Stopping to contemplate on that journey called life

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This might be me talking out loud alone venting maybe, a stream of consciousness, so please bear with me!
Also please converse in the Queen's English, as this time of year I personally get f*****g pissed off with American English!

The 3rd of July, this week was the fourth anniversary of my university graduation. I been out of full time employment since I graduated. To tell the truth I haven't had a paid job in my life so far. Over the last few days I been thinking about my life over the last 15 years.

About 15 years ago my grandmother died of Non-Hodgkin lymphoma. I feel that my grandmother's death was the starting point a period of my life that what I would call an existential crisis. I was kicked out my mother's home two years after my grandmother's death and then when my life when down hill fast.

In the time I been living on my own I tried to take my own life twice, was close to being homeless, betrayed by friends and family.
Have a relationship with a con artist and cold hearted b***h. (well she called me a cold hearted bastard and that's true ) Issues with depression and anxiety, harassment from neighbors, plus repair problems with my home. Its time I my f*****g hell hole of home and move away from being close to were my mother lives. All that f*****g emotional baggage plus the emotional baggage I been carting around most of my life its time to get rid of it that motherf****ng s**t!

It got to a point about three years ago that I was so low in mood overs issues with my mother and abusive partner (yes that f*****g con artist) plus feeling all parts of my life where f****d. One nite I cried my heart out and asked my grandmother to help me, I hear her speak to me. I asked this question and this is that question that started a life changing journey for me that I still on now tho at time its feels like a changeling at times plus fun at others.

This was the question What can I do you to change this, turn my life around and help myself?
Over the last three years I been focusing on working on my well being holistically and taking care of ridding clutter of my life.
Right now I feel that things had stopped time wise for me to move forward plus I that the people closest to me irl need to support me in both word and action.

To those of you who are you own journey in life to change things, if your feeling alone like I do at times. I will be a travelling companion and friend on this our journey if you what me to!

Has anyone had times like that in theres lifes when you feel that the s**t has hit the fan & life's kicked you down, and you need to take control of your life to make positive changes?

I'll be happy to share the story of my change journey over the last three years, if any one wishes to hear that.
If am taking to myself in this thread that am use to that, I talk to myself alot to get things off my chest when no one wishes to listen.

Yes, definitely. Actually, I'm going through a time like that right now and seem to keep periodically going through cycles like that. I tend to fear change, so I guess sometimes I have to get beaten up by life a bit before I give into making changes, even positive ones, lol. So, tough times are probably what I need as a catalyst for growth in my life. Or, at least I keep telling myself that to try to keep from going insane ...



We're listening. And, there's no harm in occasional soliloquy in The Haven. When you're talking about life lessons, you really never know who might benefit and learn something from you. Hang in there.

I can perfectly understand that with going thought many cycles of change in my own life. Yesterday a butterfly landed on my hand I fitting reminder of of the end end outcome of metamorphosis. Now there's fear and there's excitement, the difference between excitement & fear is breath. Fear has no breath! Einstein once said that, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity, some of my greatest success in life have come from the greatest of difficulties.

There's two quotes help keep me going when I feel like quitting and giving up.





Thank you Let me share with you a story.

An old man was walking along a powerful river when suddenly he fell in. Onlookers watched in horror as the old man became stuck in strong rapids that lead to a deadly waterfall. Somehow, he came out further downstream unharmed. The crowd was shocked and asked the man how he could possibly of managed to survive.

He responded, “I adapted myself to the water. I did not try to overpower it or struggle against it. I went with the current and came out of the current. That is how I survived.”

The calmest place is in the eye of storm!

Over the last few years I leant that the only person you can change in this world is yourself!
Getting a balance in life is the key to dealing with change.
A balance of mind, body and spirit. Holistic health and well being is the foundation for dealing with every day life.
Having inner peace helps alot. Never underestimate the use of creative arts as a therapeutic tool for dealing with stress.
Also have a balance of intellect and intuition, left and right brain hemisphere functions, and conscious and subconscious thought. Also seek for wisdom, awareness, and discernment.

Making mistakes is the best way to learn, experiences in life are a great way to learn!

Negative thoughts, emotions and experiences can be uses in a positive way to help use grow.
when life gives you s**t grow roses!! Think of crap as an alchemical base material.

Never judge people, make judgements on a person's behaviour.
Think of feedback as a gift.
Walk another person's moccasins when you talk to them as we all view and perceive the world in are own unique way.

If you ask for help you get it and be open minded about where that help with come from.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Have a loving relationship and friendship with yourself as you are the best friend thats always been with you thought out your life.
Be aware and beware of yourself, know and understand you! Enjoy your solitude before you can enjoy the company of others.

Let love from others find you without you looking for it as that is the best way to find love from another, as the two of you will the in the right place and at the right time for each other. All interpersonal relationships have two or more people involved, you and other. In those relationships you are the only person who has control over you. The greatest act of love is to let go of someone you love and set them free to be an individual.
Soul mates are friendships with a deep spiritual connection that help use grow and teach lessons we need to learn in life.

There is great wisdom and insight in the words of the Reiki principles and the Gestalt prayer.

sounds like good advice to yourself and for others. it's easy to see you have had a hard road so far, but i hope it gets easier and easier from this point forward. you know what path you need to take, but i think it's become a matter of taking your own best advice.

(((((hugs)))))

EDIT: i have no idea if i used American or Queen's English, but i think that positive support can be offered in any language or dialect.

Thanks you hun ((((hugs)))) yes I need to and tackle my self sabotage
The key here is what I need to do especially when its something I don't what to do if you understand what am saying

yes, i think i understand. hard choices ahead.

hell yeah like the heart to heat talk am going to having my lover next month

That was not a bad read, i have moments (where the s**t appears to hit the fan) from time to time. looking at your first post it seems like some BIG changes are on the cards, I hope it works out.

I often feel (last ten years at least) that i've been slipping into quicksand and now I simply don't have enough energy to pull myself out. I graduated in Summer 2007 and I'm still doing the same sh***y job that i was doing whilst at uni. Luckily since then I've moved around (doing the same sh***y job in different cities) but met some cool people along the way. I just need that one last push to get a graduate job - or anything semi-decent. I've not really tried for my field tbh so you're just as likely to jump into a grad job as much as i am!

I suppose the best thing to do is constantly remind yourself that you're in total control of what happens next. it's what keeps me going

That's very true that is. Big life changes are build on the foundation of lot of smaller changes.
There's a lot of wisdom in the old joke: How do you eat an elephant? Well, one bite at a time of course!

that is a very good perspective. i can see it having extremely positive effects and it could definitely lead to big changes, if that is what you truly want. i think there is nothing wrong with doing the job that you have done, if you have contentment or satisfaction in it. but if it isn't taking you where you want to go with your life, it seems like a good time to make a shift.



i have a friend with a sort of opposite viewpoint, but it gives him the same drive to do whatever is necessary to make and remake his life. his idea is complicated and i don't really understand it that well, but i find it interesting anyways. i'll share it here because it's cool to see how opposite ideas can lead to the same goal.

he thinks that we are all completely predetermined. so therefore he has no real choice in his life, which means that whatever he decides he wants to do... well, it must have been meant to happen anyways. he feels that whatever action he dreams up to do (usually related to changing jobs), he will put 100% into that dream because he was *meant* to try. whether or not it will be successful in the end is out of his hands, but he thinks he is following his destined path simply by trying to accomplish his dreams.

this friend of mine had severe social anxiety and was underemployed for large stretches, and unemployed at times. even though he had a university degree and a couple of years towards a master's degree, he was doing jobs like filling vending machines or working in a warehouse. sometimes it was out of his control to find a good job because he lived in an area of high unemployment, but he also lacked the confidence to make changes in his life.

finally he kind of had a mental breakdown and shifted his thinking to the philosophy i outlined above (there are several other parts to it also). he decided that he had nothing to lose because of his lack of free will anyways... and became a salesman in a highly social environment. he quadrupled his income and became the second highest grossing salesman in his store within 2 years (just behind a man with 20 years of experience. some months he is even in the number one position but not overall).



for me... i am also at a kind of crossroads in terms of employment. i seem to lack any sort of guiding philosophy, and i think it is hurting my ability to make positive changes. i like to read and hear what other people believe because my own mind has no clue whatsoever. maybe it's time for me to reflect on what i really think is true.

So true , lol your have been using the Queen's English now, your not a tea wasting money grabbing yank like Tom Hicks and George Gillett!
No honestly I got a hang up about the 4th July and my first OD thats the reason, I'll tell you about that in a PM then you got around in replaying back to my last one.

I believe that we have road signs on our journey pointing to the junctions we can take along the route. Its simply a choice of path to take when we get to and/or aware of those junctions on our travels.

About taking control of ones own life, I hear this question being asked many times in many places.
Who’s Driving Your Bus?

Its more fun behind the steering wheel as then you have a say on where you wish to go on this journey.