just don't know what to do...

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what am i doing with my life. i am just dying....slowly. i live away from home not close to my family, have almost no friends. Never had any girls. Had so many chances with everything but here I am completely f*****g alone all by myself.

Never had a high school. Was just a f*****g loner. Missed out on everything. Never had a college either. I had a chance to really open up and be myself and grow and mature, but I failed in that. I failed, and fell back inside myself, every time I had a real chance.

Instead I escaped with music, gambling, porn. What a waste.

what do i do from here? where do i go? I have no direction, no past no programming. I feel so f*****g lost it's surreal scary. Its so f*****g SCARY. My life is a non-violent nightmare. I just feel so f*****g empty. All is just a bunch of s**t awkward cringing embarrassing memories which keep haunting me.

Really what is the next step. If I don't do something very soon it will be too late. life is short, and I already have accumulated 3 lifetimes worth of loneliness and depression, I just want this s**t to f*****g end already.

This is the darkest f*****g worst f*****g years of my life, and it seems like it only gets worse as I get older. What the f**k gives? Other people my age are doing normal stuff having fun getting ready to move on with their lives, and I am still stuck as a little boy in the past.

How do I proceed frum here? I know nobody can really tell me that, but I just wish i had some clue. I mean can just joining the military make me into me? Is there some kind of program or camp or a good place to live? It feels like i will always be stuck inside myself.

if anybody else was me they would have already killed themself...

well i think this is normal when you dont have some where to focus your thoughts or interests.

I slowed down work for a bit and had that feeling come over me again.

the key is to connect your interests with your income this will really make you love your interests more and you will love that you are good at something and you will like work and you will get money all around good.

your young, its not nearly too late to learn programing you will have a newer perspective then those that learnt before.

school is always a good thing knowing your strengths will help

or start a business project, its not that hard and doenst cost as much as you may think.

join a PROP FIRM and learn the art or trading stocks (these companies are usually kinda scamy

learn to trade stocks on your own

or find something anything that you like and post up blogs everywhere and learn the art of blogging.

the idea is to focus your interests in the right direction

you can even force yourself to socialize which will help in getting a normal job

read and try to implement the aspie social handbook

your young. what you do now will set you up for the rest of your life.

you'll find that your interest will pull you in more then porn . you will only look at porn when things slow down

if your gonna say you dont have anything that your interested in and you want to stay home and avoid people then you will naturally find no reason to be happy.

read an

i don't know.

your post made me feel less lonely

I am really sorry, lightening. I think that life can often be a bit of a void. I am still trying to work around how to get around this. But I know what you mean. I think meeemoi gave good advice.

I've tried forcing myself to socialize, forcing myself to do this. It didn't help I wasn't really myself. I was trying to be something I wasn't. The real me is just alone at heart...always have been......hope I won't be that way forever....

I feel like I had to put on a mask......