Apathy

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Is there a cure? I really suck at caring....I love people, but I have a hard time feeling sorry when things don't go their way...isn't that called "LIFE"????

People have a hard time reading me too, cause I'm usually blank as a stone...I have feelings (I think), but I am so locked in my head. I intellectualize everything. My shrink says it's a defense mechanism to keep from having to feel feelings.
I know I'm not (too) sociopathological because I don't TRY to hurt others, or mess with them...I just don't understand the whole feelings thing.
I equate it to a matter of fairness, and with that I can't argue. But how do I know what's fair when I don't even know the rules of the game??

I think sometimes we are just not aware of it if we hurt other people, mostly it happens intentionally. Everyone experiences feelings differently. Some people are more sensitive than others, I think it depends on what they have experienced in life. I think everyone has problems in dealing with them and understanding them.

We have a hard time caring for individual people, but we support causes. I think supporting causes helps people in general when you want to care, but can't actually work at a soup kitchen and empathize. This is our way of caring because honestly, we care about ourselves and our children but we can't understand what other people are feeling or going through so we'd be worthless trying. I tried cooking dinners for women whose husbands were in the hospital and I was horrible, I was very matter of fact when they wanted someone to talk to and I would be literally backing away from them. That was no help to them at all and just made me feel like a failure. So, I suggest the supporting causes thing.

I don't have such problems. I can feel what other people feel and I can put myself in their shoes. I'm very sensitive to other people's emotions.

I don't know if I would buy the whole 'defense mechanism' argument. What may be going on may be similar mechanically, but isn't just a 'defense mechanism'.

When someone you care about (I use a broad definition of 'care about' here) are in a bad situation, you can recognize that. You can think to yourself about how that would be undesirable, about how that person is likely unhappy, and perhaps question what you could do to supply relief to them.

The difference between those of us on the spectrum and those who aren't, is that we can consciously recognize those thought patterns. In addition, we can still continue to think, decide, contemplate, act, etc. outside of the control of any emotions those outside circumstances may provoke.

So, I don't think, it's so much that you're not caring, it just doesn't affect you at your root level like it does someone outside of the spectrum. So yes, it feels faked, but is there any difference, on the outside, between someone who reacts instinctively to tragedy and someone who contemplates it unemotionally and then acts in the same manner as the former?

It's a good question.

To Quitebird that was very well put! Thank You! I feel like people expect me to react to things the way that they all do. When I am not moved to tears by the death of a loved one, or I am not terrified by a traumatic experience (yet traumatized by tiny details that most people overlook or miss) they seem to search me for something...almost begging me to fake it for their sakes. It's really unfair to me!!