Did I do the right thing?

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A friend of mine has been having some issues as of late (or the last several years). On of them is a severe problem with alcoholism and the other is an issue with anxiety, etc. that I feel is probably Borderline Personality Disorder. Because of the BPD symptoms (anxiety, abandonment issues, narcissism, can't deal with boredom or loneliness at all) , he is very manipulative and likes to screw with people's emotions to get attention. Today, he had a very bad day and did a few things that I would categorize as impulsive and negatively life altering (not wanting to give too many details). He called me at work threatening to kill himself (for the second or third time this week) and so I called the police. They went to his house but didn't do anything. So now, I don't know whether to feel like a total ass or whether I did the right thing. The thing is, I can't take the emotional manipulation anymore. I can't tell if he is serious or just trying to get attention. I am the only friend he has left because of this nonsense and I want to try and help but I feel I am at the end of what I can do. This is affecting my health and well-being too as it is draining all of the little emotional energy I have since I also suffer from depression and anxiety issues myself (but to a lesser degree than he seems to).

I think you did the right thing, if someone is threatening suicide and you are not there then the emergency services are the people to call.

Is your friend diagnosed and on medication for anything? If not I think you should explain that you want to support him but that it is not fair for you to do it all on your own and suggest he goes to the Doctors and seeks professional help.

I don't think you are an ass at all, I would feel exactly the same were I in your situation.

Update: He showed up knocking on my bedroom door at 8am (I knew I should have taken back the key when he moved out). He was drunk, had driven to my house and decided he wanted to be checked back in to the rehab facility I had previously taken him to. I did just that and he is there right now to detox and hopefully get the help he needs. I also told then about my suspicions of BPD, so hopefully they will know better how to treat him this time.

This has really worked out well. I think you should also recognize that your friend is going to continue to want your support even w/professional intervention.

It seems like it would be important for you to decide if you want to continue as his friend & if so, how to do that in a healthy manner. You'll need to set very clear boundaries & enforce consequences. If you want to continue the friendship, you yourself might benefit from a little outside perspective & support in the sense of professional advice & guidance.

My sister is probably BPD & I know about the manipulation & drama. It's a horrible affliction for someone to suffer from, & hard to support someone who does.

Have you ever read the book 'I hate you - don't leave me'? It's a good read. I love the title.

Grrr... Now he says they are going to let him out tomorrow. I guess he's stuck in the revolving door of the mental health system that so many of the working poor find themselves in. I am VERY anxious about how he will be when he gets out and how it will affect my life. I need some time to myself to come to terms with who I am but I doubt I will get it if I don't do something drastic to limit my contact with him. I don't want to shut him out completely, as I want to be there as a friend to help him through this but I am emotionally exhausted now and can't think straight. I have to live my own life too, but it seems that the lives of those around me keep getting in the way of me figuring out just what that is supposed to mean.

Can you somehow tell him what you just posted here? It seems very clear & succinct to me. Then a brief, clear statement of how, when & for how long you will see him this week? I know if it were me, such clarity would be appreciated... it might sting a little, but my rational mind can understand how each person needs some time to themselves & it will work w/my whinging mind.

Then you will need to make yourself inaccessible to him to insure that you do indeed get the time to yourself you need... change the locks, go to the library, go for walks, sit & feed the ducks in the park, whatever it takes. Try it a week at a time?

So sorry to hear he got rotated out so quickly, that's really no help to anyone. Being dependent on others to pay for care sucks. Can't think of any other way to put it.

Well, he hasn't called me to pick him up (or for any other reason), so I guess he's getting kept there for another day. Sorry to seem obsessive about posting on this (if I do), but it is really bothering me right now.

You don't seem obsessive, it's a very difficult situation. I don't know what advice to give you I'm afraid, except if possible to set some boundaries. You deserve your own life, and your friend deserves support but there has to be a balance between the two. It isn't fair for you to shoulder all the responsibilities.

I don't think you're being obsessive. It's an unresolved situation & naturally it nags at you. The way forward for you isn't clear. I don't think anyone would be very comfortable w/so many things up in the air.

Recognize that, as he hasn't called, you have more time to formulate your boundaries & how you will support them, stating your expectations from him in a clear fashion... practice is good! It's never guaranteed to play out quite like we've imagined, but trying on various 'scenes' will help give you more useful options. It does me, anyway.

My level of anxiety is much lower now. I wound up going to my parents house last night and being around other people and engaging in conversation got me off my feedback loop long enough to make rational sense of it all. He got out today and was told that his meds were not of sufficient dosage for his weight and that's why he was having the issues he had. They fixed that and I am hoping and praying that he can now go on to live a normal, productive, happy life. I'll still do what I can to assist him so long as he stays this course. However, I have decided that I will no longer go over to his place at odd hours of the night just to help him deal with his demons should he relapse back into the alcoholism. I simply can't be the sounding board for all of that hate, anger and rage anymore. If I do, it will be me who ends up in the hospital next time as I will have a nervous breakdown.