How do I stop disliking asexuals?

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I feel really bad about this, and I know it sounds like it would have been better off left in my head, but I feel guilty about it.

Ever since a stupid guy practically broke my heart by deciding he was asexual, and becoming obsessed with this "asexual forum", and replacing me (it seems) with all these new "asexual" friends, I really think asexuality is stupid.
I thought it was plausable, but kinda funny when he first told me about it. I thought he was going through a phase. But then when I realised the asexuality robbed me of my closest ever internet as well as male friend, it's turned me really almost... Sexist, to asexuals. I have a hard time not thinking of someone as lesser when I find out they're asexual. :/ Even though I know it's completely irrational and mean.
I thought I was over this but I recently saw his new profile pic on facebook with an asexual shirt, and that all his A friends are listed as family, and how I used to be the closest he was to an individual..

Please don't hate me (especially if you're A). How can I stop doing this? It's unfair. And I feel so stupid for STILL caring about this guy. Esp. cause he was just an internet friend.

Well, the way i see it you should remember that not all people who belong to a group are the same, And im sure there are asexuals out there who would never treat you the same way this guy did. , and by asexual you mean not having any sexual attraction to people correct? i never really heard of it before and i looked it up and thats the answer i got. It seems to me this man will always be the way he is, and quite frankly theres not much you can do for him. And the reason why hes in a group doing these things is because the only people who he will be able to accept in life are people just like him. Just remember your the better person in this situation and try to do things that you find fun. Maybe go visit the new amusement park or go check out the new restuarant in town, anything to keep you busy and active, that always helps me when im stressed out, having fun

While I cannot speak for this person(as I obviously don't know him), it seems likely that he isn't asexual. He's a dick. I am asexual and I can say from first hand experience that his behavior is not typical. I could not voluntarily break anyone's heart. It's simply not in my character. Also, I find it very odd that he's parading his asexuality around like that. It's the equivalent of holding a rally to proclaim that you don't like a certain food. I simply have no desire for sexual activity. I'm not proud of it, and I'm not ashamed of it. It just is. I'm sorry that this guy was mean to you, but please don't judge us all based on the unfortunate actions of one.

I won't comment on whether or not he has desires to have sexual experiences with others, but it seems strange that he would identify so strongly with asexuality. Seeking support in an online community is one thing, advertising the disorder on Facebook is another. I would say that this behavior is more overenthusiastic than dickish.

TC "dislike" might be the wrong way to unexplain how you feel. Seems more that you're just angry at your ex-friend more than anything.

There's nothing wrong with internet friends tbh--, my gf and I knew each other 3 years online before meeting and then met back and forth for a couple of years and now live together.

I don't see how he was a dick or jerk or anything, unfortunately he found out he was asexual.. I don't know how he stopped being your friend as you said "it seems" he didn't want to be friends anymore. But, being real.. he's probably not the most awesome thing since sliced bread if he really did replace you, there will be other friends--and other close male relationships.

I'd been talking to him practically hours a day for 4 years. It was so hard letting go cause he'd been a part of my routine, basically.

I don't get why he parades it either. He has Asperger's so maybe its his special interest. I don't know. That's a weird special interest. Like me being obsessed with being straight.

I'm sorry. I will try not to judge. I'm sure logic will win over my bias.

no comment.

I'm inlove with jonsi and he's asexual! all the hotties are it seems like

Yeah, its hard letting go of long term relationships.


But yeah, you'll probably drop your bias, your emotions are associated with him. You'll hurt for a while, someone ended a relationship with me once that went on about the same. Planned to meet up and everything--she dropped me and ended our relationship and friendship without word or explanation.

Seemed incredibly smart, funny, warm, albeit unconfident and insecure. It hurt and it took me by surprise.


Things hurt for a while and then things get better--I almost never think about this person anymore. Your heart will heal as well.

ehh, theres worse reasons to hate people. just tell it to him straight and see if he gets help.

I'm sorry you feel that way but the fact is that I simply do not feel sexual attraction to anyone. And while I did date in high school, and even had sex, I realize looking back that I was doing it because that's I thought that's just what normal people did. I made peace with the fact I was asexual after college. After that I simply stopped trying to be someone I am not, and 10 years later I haven't has so much as an inkling to get back in the dating scene. I know that might seem weird, but remember that unless you're gay odds are you simply cannot understand the idea of being attracted to someone of the same gender as yourself(it was a diagnoseable mental disorder until the 70's). My circumstances are no different. You're a self labeled NT, so please remember that not everyone in the world is like you.

I didn't know there was such an asexual "culture".

I speculate that a lot of asexuals are just people with low libidos and who's neurological circuitry for romantic attractions has not been automatically switched on. If it exists, it needs to be tripped, and it would take a very special person with the right combination of physical characteristics, personality, and phermones to do this.

Most asexuals will probably never cross paths with this person.

If you would like a scenario which you may be able to empathize with, imagine someone being enamored with you, and while you don't think they are bad looking, you just cannot find it within yourself to be attracted to them.

Unreturned feelings in any guise really hurt. I guess just remember that it could just as easily be a "sexual" member of the gender(s) of your preference that did not return your feelings - it could be anyone on the spectrum of sexuality causing you to feel this pain.

I know that's not a happy thought but at least it corrects the bias (if thinking it does indeed work).

In the meantime try to remember that everyone starts out asexual (as a child) and that it is a stable and healthy state for those in it just like any other sexual orientation... maybe remembering what drove your life as a child, what things that were not sex, might help you see things from this person's shoes.

I'm asexual and I don't hate you, just please don't write me off as stupid. D: I understand how you feel. You feel wronged by his choice and after awhile all asexuals tend to bother you because they remind you of him.

I do hope that the asexuals on this site can help remove your dislike of us. I'm sorry about what he did to you though if it helps at all. :\

For a second I thought ya meant the Icelandic guy.

So what? Whether sexuality is determined by "nature," "nurture," or, as is most likely, a combination of both, it no less "valid." Unless you're proposing that a person's sexuality isn't "real" unless it's 100% biological/genetic, I don't understand your point. Whether it's biological or not, there's nothing wrong with homosexuality OR asexuality.



My hormones have been checked. I'm fine.



Something is only a "disorder" if it's causing you distress or harm to yourself or others, and even that's debateable. If having no sex drive isn't causing a person distress, it's not a "disorder."



Sure. Like how gay people just didn't want to admit there was anything "wrong" with them, so they started a bunch of "gay pride" nonsense. So far, there's nothing you've said here that hasn't been used to "argue against" homosexuals with the exception that it's no longer politically correct to say what you have to say about asexuals and apply it to homosexuals.



Nonsense. Asexuals can enjoy sex. They can even have sex if they DON'T enjoy it. There's nothing stopping an asexual from having sex except they have no desire to engage in sexual activity. Many homosexuals have had sexual encounters with members of the opposite sex prior to finding out that they were gay. "Sexuality" is not a black or white issue.

If he had been black, would you be angry with African Americans? Why not just be pissed at men in general?