I'm lonely

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That's the truth of it.

I go up to the supermarket just for a bit of human contact outside my own family. I never talk to people any more - I dearly want a friendship or a relationship with someone, even a woman. Just someone I can talk to, that share common interests. I'm beginning to drink more and more, and for the wrong reasons. I don't go to pubs any more, I find them too cold and alienating - and expensive. Actually, here is really the only place I get to speak with others these days. And I hate it. I'm 23, this should be the greatest time of my life, and I'm spending it being generally lonely and miserable. I even walk past people's houses that I know like me just in case they can see me at the door, even though I don't know them properly - my mum does. How pathetic is that? I've had enough, really I have.

Time for a drink. That'll sort it out.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm 39 from Kansas I doubt we'd have a lot in common, however you can talk to me.

What are your interests? There's a difference between online loneliness - which I don't feel too much, and real-world loneliness.

Being aged between 20 & 30 isn't the best for everyone. A lot of people find themselves later on life. I hope you do Tequila. Until then I guess you'll have to soldier on.

Yes, do you mean someone to talk to on the phone and do things with? I have a couple friends in real life but no online friends. I don't know why not, though.

I met one of my friends here because I called about local resources for my kids and we just got along well, so we meet up to let our kids play together. You might try something like that. If not autism groups, try tourette's or adhd.

I am pretty boring. I like my kids, my husband, drawing, writing, music, exercise as well as coffee, nicotine gum, raspberry vodka, my little white dog and my big black one.

What is the most exciting thing that has happened in your life? What are you most proud of? What are your interests?

Even though I have some friends I feel lonely aswell, it's a horrible feeling, I think you just have to learn to deal with it, eventaully it won't bother you anymore, beacuse like with anything we adapt. Plus you're at the age where you have to be a certain way to fit it, as you get older it should be easier to socialise as people are become more excepting.

Qft.

this^. But as well as learning how to truly be alone and be happy is something I think a lot of us struggle with. Some more than others. I believe the effort can be made and it does get easier as long as you can accept who you are that's really all that matters.

No; and I understand this. I still live at home, with my parents though and it's unlikely that I'll be moving out any time soon. I have other needs that preclude this.



Yes; it looks like I'll have to. Doesn't mean I actually have any friends and all like this. I wouldn't go out of my way to find them though because in many cases that will just mean me getting taken advantage of. Given my mental health, this isn't a particularly good thing for me to be at.

(opens another beer)

It doesn't particularly help that my mum is forever criticising my lack of 'ambition' or 'drive'. I have plenty; but if both lead precisely nowhere, what can I do? I can't go anywhere, because it's unsafe. I walk the streets of my town every day, sometimes aimlessly, just wanting something to do.

I get the impression that my mum doesn't really give a toss because, basically, from 6pm in the evening right the way through to bedtime, you can't talk to her. I mentioned my problems just now, she's watching an episode of Only Fools and Horses on Sky that she can easily pause. She does this all the time. We basically had a short interaction where she tells me how useless I am, then she presses 'play'. I remark like something like at least I know where my place is, and a repeat of a fifteen-years-old TV comedy show is more important.

Is it any wonder I turn to drink in the circumstances? There are no serious volunteering things I could get involved with - almost exclusively it means doing unpaid work for the State and getting very, very little in return. My life is leading nowhere. I like to travel but this is happening less and less due to financial constraints.



Yes, precisely that. I don't know, really, of anyone. The people I used to drink with - no, that's a lie - the people I used to be in the pub with at the same time were never my friends, just acquaintances, and some of them weren't particularly pleasant people. They weren't criminals or anything of that nature, just a bit irritating. I became less and less willing to actually come out due to the cost and inconvenience and often humdrum experience of doing so, so I stay at home. I live in a small town of less than 10,000 people. There is a larger city just down the road but I don't know anyone there.



There are certainly autism groups about locally - mostly to do with mothers and their children. I do believe one has a government grant so I will be looking into seeing what they want of me.



I don't like and actually fear dogs (even had therapy to try to sort this out in my younger years, which cut through some of the more dangerous tendencies, but I still don't like/fear them) so we'll get on like a house on fire, so we will!

I like being on WP, drinking cask and craft beer (and occasionally cider) - I've been to a number of different brewhouses both at home and abroad, travel (both domestic and abroad), 'snapshot'-style photography, politics (though I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with the party political system: my political affiliation isn't a secret here), books, British nationalism/unionism, civil libertarian politics. Used to be big into Italian horror/polizio/Eurosleaze type movies too, as well as other video nasties and action films/comedies/dramas from the 1980s and 1990s Hong Kong. Used to love my late nights watching Category III rape/revenge blood-soaked slashers!



I don't know. I do know it wasn't meeting Noel Edmonds though.

(Noel Edmonds is a long-standing famous TV presenter on British television. He used to present Noel's House Party, a silly Saturday night entertainment show that aired on BBC One in the 1990s, where at least one or two of the people on the show got 'gunged'. I met him when he was doing a special Airborne event in Blackpool, which allowed special needs children to go up in helicopters. He now presents Deal or No Deal on Channel 4 and has done for a number of years.)



What a curious question. I don't know if I'm proud of anything!



It is indeed. It's as though no-one really wants to connect with you, no-one is really there, everyone is getting along, doing their own thing. I am not that delusional to think that I am in any way a special case, or that an awful lot of people have it harder than me but... they deal with it. I deal with it too, though I must say I feel very detached from the world at times.

It's an interesting thing but I've always been this way - not lonely, but never really had anyone to share things with. Even my family don't really want anything to do with me, especially my brother. Ir does in fact seem as though we live in the same house and that is about all, although we do come together for meals most of the time and so on. So I generally spend my days writing rubbish on the Internet. I'm not on Faceache or Twatter, so thank heavens for those small mercies.

Anyway, thank you for all the contributions to my little pity thread; please keep them coming!

I've never had anyone to share things with either, most people are too selfish generally to listen to you go on about your problems. At least you can express yourself on here...

I love listening to people's problems and being able to help. It's just that I don't understand non-action. Do something, anything, but nothing. So I mostly irritate people when I try to help. I think people want to have people with similar problems, not someone telling them to go do this or that. And that's about all I know to do.

I've actually tried action, and it hasn't led anywhere. This is where I see myself, alas. I'll see what comes up in the weeks and months ahead.

Thanks anyway though.

You're very welcome. I wish I could do more.

And I definitely understand what you mean about people that ask for help but ultimately don't want it. I've been there a few times with others like this myself.

Hi Tequila

I'm sad to hear you are lonely. Do you ever go to any mental health or aspie groups or meet ups?

I hope you find a friend. Friendship can be difficult for us, but also very rewarding if it's the right person. Take care.

There aren't any I can go to alone, and my mum generally doesn't have the time or inclination to go to them. I don't know of any in my area in any case. Perhaps there might be some in Preston.



Yes, but it needs to be looked at carefully I think for both sides due to my own state at the moment.



I will. And you too.